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  • #163672
    Ying
    Participant

    :) Hope you had a good night sllep Jax! Look forward to hearing from you again… its way past my bed time too now. Good night.

    #163707
    Ying
    Participant

    This is a random post.

    #163708
    Jax
    Keymaster
    Quote:
    it just occured to me, that really anything practiced in presence and surrender is spiritual practice because you are no longr coming from mind/ego but from the Intelligence and Power of the Now itself. One could say this is ‘spiritual’

    This is an excellent way to describe it. I completely agree. :-)

    #163711
    jdmcowan
    Participant

    That’s certainly how the Japanese view it (especially within Zen Buddhism).

    #163747
    Ying
    Participant

    Such is the story of the Eagle….

    There is a valley, or a garden, as it has been called. The valley is known to be very spacious, by those who have re-membered it. First to remember, was an Eagle. Not by name is he told, but by way.

    The Eagle grew up in the Valley, in its space, but he did not know it. The Eagle was taught to live in the valley, to gather food and build nest, though he did not know it. The Eagle did indeed live in the Valley, though he did not know it. Or rather, it is said, the Eagle did know it, as all Eagles do, but had not remembered it. As the Eagle grew up, he became over-whelmed by his own desire to fly. He wanted more food and bigger nest… but of all he wanted to fly. But upon providing as the Valley did, the Eagle was not satisfied… for the Eagle just couldnt figure out why it could not fly.

    It had forgotten the Valley it lived in, and the Valley wait patiently for it to remember.

    One day, the Eagle was so frustrated with his need to fly that the Eagle went on a search, to find out why. While on his search, he came upon a beautiful stream, not knowing of its magic, beauty define. The Eagle was captured by its beauty, and his attention caught on high. Then the Eagle looked up and around, and remembered how to fly.

    As the Eagle soured through the sky, he remembered just how vast the Valley really is. And among all things he knew come and go, the Eagle knew that he truly was a whole of a knew.

    Then the Eagle knew freedom, as he flew.

    #163750
    Ying
    Participant

    Absolutely wonderful! I have returned to that state of inner knowing of the self, of wholeness, complete perfection. I had this a while ago, and I tried so hard to get there for so long, but now remembering it can only happen now.

    What happened is that I lost myself in the world of form and forgot who I truly am… my complete essence. It is that which is not incomplete. A deep sense of knowing… yes, this is me.

    So now, I haven’t much use for the past or future.

    #163758
    Jax
    Keymaster

    How did you return to this state of being?

    #163766
    Ying
    Participant

    The best I can grasp it is that I went within and felt my inner most essence… and then I just  knew that wholeness, that beautiful essence to be who I am. It just happens when you go deep within yourself in the present moment :)

    I lost it or forgot it because I allowed time to cover up the present moment and so mistaked myself for form again. I find that one can very between the two states of being. The key is to return to that state of enlightenment or nirvana as much as possible so as to make it a natural state of being. Surrender is a key ingredient as well… going deeply into now involved surrender: a conscious decision to accept what is, only now, without reservation :)

    #163837
    Ying
    Participant

    Journal Entry – Jedi Studies
    (IJRS & Shadow Training)

    I have come to an insight regarding a link between my sense of pride, control and emotional repression.

    I am unsure of precisely where the influence came from for the following aspects of my mind’s conditioning. However, I am sure of the conditioning. Somewhere along the line I have been conditioned to play the role of a person who is in control of his life, and has pride in his ability to control his life. However, the control that developed was not true control. This form of control involved trying to maintain my environment to how I wanted it to be, rather than having a balanced perception to see; this is how things are, do I need to act? If not, ok. Rather, it was all about controlling my environment to how I wanted it. Now, emotions also came into this. An aspect of the environment that I sought to control was how people seen me, this is a part of role playing; I was trying to get other people to acknowledge my sense of control and thus confirm to me the role I was trying to play. This included my emotions, and still does. Though, the way I did this was not healthy; I began hiding my emotions so that it would seem as though I had control over them. It would seem as though I had excellent emotional control by hiding the negative ones and putting on a happy face for the world to see. I played the role of happiness rather than actually having a true sense of happiness. Of course this repression is now having an impact on me. All of the emotional and also thought repression that I was doing was resulting in a build up of emotional pain. This is called the pain-body in Eckhart Tolle’s work. Very rarely I feel a great charge of anger. I am observing that I will need to become more aware of what triggers the pain body in me…. What triggers the emotional entity to arise and become active? I also realise that it is ok to have a pain body, to be in my position. Originally, before I had any existentialist style training in the Shadow Path, I would not be able to talk about myself in such a way, to actually admit that I too have the same necessary predicament of humanity: an ego and a pain-body.

    One thing that triggers the pain-body to arise is thoughts about coming out to others about my sexuality. It is better than it was, but it still happens. One specific circumstance in that is when I think about coming out to my Dad. Here, the predominant emotional energy of fear grips me. Often, it was a mental-emotional cycle. The thought would come, the emotion as a result, and the emotion then would en-fuse another fearful thought. I have become good at catching this pattern out though. I have noted it is also one of my ego’s ways of producing a sense of drama in my life situation to recreate itself through.  ‘Me and my life’, is the voice of my ego. It’s the voice of every ego when one’s consciousness is identified with its own life history and situation. There is a sense of ‘self’ endowed in the history and situation of the life we live. And so it becomes our own drama. Of course, when I first recognised this mental-emotional cyclical pattern, it was offensive. I resisted it, for it disclosed my very lack of control that I had over my emotions and thought. This to me, was nothing to be proud of. There was no control. 

    So, a habit of unconscious repression of the pain-body and the thoughts that triggered it became the norm. If I recall correct, there was a period in my life, just recently, where this habit occurred nearly everyday. First, the fear pattern would arise at the thought of coming out to my Dad, and then the resistance pattern. The resistance pattern would result in me feeling like there simply is no way out. It was hopeless. Or so I thought. I was unaware of what was truly going on in me; I was afraid of it, afraid of my own darkness. But it was only in shedding light on it through self-awareness that I have worked my way out of that darkness and into the light. Everyday I do my best to shed the light of consciousness on it. Some days are better than others are, and I embrace that.  It’s a part of the journey into awakening.

    Fortunately I had support from one or two close friends and some friends at the Force Academy. Through my training I have been able to step beyond my fear. I have come out to my sister, my mum, and to some close friends. And what I have found is acceptance. A good friend is actually encouraging me to be more open about it; she is helping me.

    So the patterns have gone on for a while now. Today though, I had the breakthrough of realising the above link between my sense of false control and emotional repression with the cycle of fear and hopelessness that I was unconsciously using to recreate the drama of what I perceived as ‘my life’. It stems back to ego really. The ego used the life situation to as a tool to recreate itself, as I explained above. An effect of this was the pain-body. It is then a cycle really. The key is to bring awareness to that pattern of drama re-creation that the ego uses. The key is to shed light on the egoic patterns and habits by bringing them into the awareness of my Consciousness. In doing this, I break the identification I have with the ego’s patterns and habits, and eventually the patterns fade away and dissolve because the ego is no longer possessing me and recreating them through me. The ego needs me to be unconscious (not aware) of it to continue its activity, because it acts through me. Once I am aware of a certain aspect of its behavior, a gap occurs between me as the witnessing consciousness and the pattern. So it is not really ego anymore. The ego requires my unconscious identification with its behavior. This means that it requires me to believe I am it, it requires me to believe I am the mental-emotional patterns. I willingly act out these patterns because I believe I am the pattern. As soon as conscious awareness comes in and shines on the ego, it is no longer ego. A gap has come between me as the witness, and the mental-emotional pattern; I no longer believe myself to be the pattern, I see it for what it is. And it is simply a mental-emotional pattern, no more. It then dissolves because you are no longer unconsciously acting it out.

    And so that is one more step closer to awakening out of the dream of form, out of identification with form. One more step to enlightenment.

    #163879
    Ying
    Participant

    I just realised what MTFBWYA means!

    May The Force Be With You Always…  :meditate

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