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    I am wondering what everyone thinks.


    Can you be a little more specific about what you’d like to discuss? Love is too general.  Are you speaking of romantic love, being that it’s Valentine’s Day?  Perhaps share some ideas of your own as well.  That tends to get things going a little faster. ;-)


    What is love?

    Well I am refering more to romantic love as you would love a soul mate and not a pet or brother.


    If you are speaking of romantic love the first thing which would pop up in my head is of course “love at first sight”.
    But I had also heard that love could arise through consuetude – I hope that this is the correct word!? What I mean whit that is, that first there is nothing special between to person but as longer you know someone and as more you have to do with him you might get more and more interested in him/her. So you might feel first a kind of friendship which silently develops into love. I guess that this kind of love might even be stronger and deeper as love at first sight.
    This form of love has, for me, often the appearance of a bush fire. It starts quick, burns up high and hot but also dying as quickly as it has started. This will be specially the case, if not both sides are willing to work on the relationship they have and bring it to a deeper and more meaningfull base.
    For me, love is only the start in an relationship, but over the time you have to have it transferred into a partnership in which both sides accept each other in the way as they are.

    Brandel Valico

    Putting the needs, of another or others before your own.


    I want to share something that is from another source (www.mastersofthespiritworld.com) because I think it’s important to bring up.  The idea of soul mates is horribly misunderstood in our world and I think is often used to explain strong feelings that are just that – strong feelings.  Here is what they have to say. 

    Frantic females and lovelorn lads keep asking the Spirit Masters:

    (1) is their true love “meant” for them

    (2) is he/she their Twin Flame or a Soul Mate

    (3) and what is a Soul Mate anyway?

      1. “Meant” is not a meaningful word when talking about relationships.We all have total freedom of choice in all our relationships, no one is holding out a prize we are somehow supposed to win! True, we may have agreed with another soul mate to get together, but this may not be to have a happy experience, it may involve our giving or experiencing abuse in our relationship. This is a common life lesson.
      2. Twins are in the last division when our batch of 144 individual souls were broken off from the energy of Source. We are like Siamese twins, fully complementing one another in unconditional love. We are then separated and go our individual way, appearing on Earth at various Earth times. It is very, very rare for twin flames to meet. This is almost a necessity because our purpose in coming here is to learn lessons. But “wham!” if we meet our twin flame we don’t have time between nibbles to learn any lessons as we are so involved with our other half. So then we don’t learn our lessons and need to repeat them in another life. The quick test: if you feel the need to ask if someone is your twin flame, he or she is not!
      3. Soul mates are sometimes our lover/spouse. Out of the group of 144 with whom we were broken off, between 18 and 24 are well known to us and we work with them frequently. At the most 4-8 will be on Earth with us in a particular life. They may appear in our life as our spouse, a friend of our family, a grandparent or a workmate. In some lifetimes none of our soul mates come into our life at all. You usually can tell when someone is a soul mate.There’s a familiar and usually comfortable feeling we have when we first meet them.

    So what then is love?  I don’t know because it’s just a feeling.  It often starts as an attraction, but it’s been so many years since I’ve felt that ‘new attraction’ that I can’t really remember it. lol I’m very much in the more stable, consistent, mature love after 12 years with my wife.  I do remember confusing deep connections and feelings with love when I was younger and I see people do it all the time now.  But I don’t know how to distinguish the two except for myself. And even that is a challenge.  The easiest solution is to just be patient and wait before marriage – at least two years.  That’s because you need to get passed the newlywed phase and get into the day to day.  Then you find out whether this person actually supports you and interests you for the longer term or if it is just a nice relationship for a shorter time.

    I know that I love my wife because of a few simple things.  I want to be around her, to spend time with her.  I continue to want to be around her in spite of her health struggles.  I willingly care for her, I support her dreams and desires…really it’s similar to my other deep friendships.  But there’s that added element of her being the priority in my life.  So her development is as important to me as my own.  Her desires are as important and I consider hers when thinking about mine.  But I disagree that it’s always putting the needs of others before your own.  That’s the source of unbalanced, abusive relationships when one person is always ignoring their needs and catering to another.  In a healthy relationship a person still has to be selfish at times.  There must be balance between the individuals’ needs.  My wife and I support each other.  Sometimes my needs have to come first and vice versa.  But we’re both strong individuals and weren’t looking for someone to ‘complete us’ or ‘take care of us’.  This is not a good way to go into a relationship.  If you are looking for that, the relationship you truly seek is within you already.  When we learn to love and accept our self, relationships with others take on an entirely different feel.  So keep that in mind.  You can ask yourself, what am I looking for in a relationship?  Why? How can I create that within myself?  At least it’s a start. ;-)  Relationships are tricky things.

    Brandel Valico

    A fair point about how your own needs at times must take priority. My own statement does seem to suggest it doesn’t. I’ll amend it to be, Putting the needs of another or others before all others at times even your own except when doing so causes an imbalance between those involved.

    (Need to remember that just because something seems obvious in my head. Doesn’t mean that it is when I write it out with the fewest words I can. In this case the implied understanding that you must at times put your own needs first to ensure a healthy relationship remains intact, For all involved. )


    Honestly, I figured you meant that, but I didn’t want to assume that everyone else did.  I could have been clearer in that, but I also expected you to return and clarify. lol  My response to your statement was to how people misunderstand it or take it too far, which I wouldn’t imagine you ever recommending. :-)


    I feel that in todays world love isn’t what it was. Out here in Aberdeen we have kids at the age of ten telling their nine year old “girlfriend” that they love them. I feel that love is a temporeral thing. Love dies out as time moves on. You eat cake everyday you get board of it. Just like that but with a longer duration that cake.

    I feel that when people are reffering to love it was the love sickness they once had or were still in. I am not saying nobody can love someone forever. Infact I will clarify my view below.

    In every relationship we are given the opportunity to give and recieve love. Every relationship is different. If in a relationship we end up running out of love to give or lessons to learn we will end up at a dead end then causing them to split.

    The relationships that last forever is the ones where the love and the lessons keep on going.

    The reason I started this topic was because reciently I got a hold of the love sickness. It does funny things to you lol.


    The way I see it the word love refers to desire.  However, there are two types of desire that we use the word love to refer to.  I don’t feel that English has good words to distinguish these two types of desire/love, so I’m going to use the phrases, “desiring love,” and, “brotherly love.”

    Sometimes when people say the word love, they really mean desiring love.  Desire, here, is not necessarily sexual, but simply a strong yearning for someone or something.  Desire is about getting what we want.  Sometimes the word desire has negative connotations because of the selfish focus of it and the danger of lack of control over it.  But desire is not simply a pure and strong emotion – it exists on a sliding scale and a little desire can be a good thing.  Some might say Jedi should give up all desires and avoid desiring love, but I disagree.  Desiring love gives us drive and keeps us interested in what is going on around us.  However, strong desiring love can interfere with the desires of others and cloud our judgement as to what is needed.  We should keep our desires to a low level so we can serve others better.

    We also use the word love to refer to a situation where we develop an interest in the welfare of others.  This is usually what we mean when we use the word love to refer to friends, family, and love for our fellow man.  Lets call this brotherly love.  When your desire is that the needs (or even desires) of someone else would be fulfilled, then it is this kind of love.  All Jedi should strive to increase this kind of love and learn to develop it even for those with whom they have no direct relationship.  However, for our own health and sanity there must be a limit to this kind of love and we must watch carefully for those limits.

    It is appropriate to develop both desiring love and brotherly love for those with whom we have close relationships.  It is not a good thing to develop desiring love without brotherly love.  If we have desiring love for someone, but not a brotherly love for them, it is usually called lust. It is, however, a very good thing to develop brotherly love without desiring love as broadly as possible.


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