Today, I failed

[Beral KhanParticipant]

For the first time in years, I lost my cool with a customer.  When I showed i was aggrivated, he wanted to know why I was mad at him.  Then he decided that it must be something else I was mad at and I was taking it out on him.

I ended the conversation by saying I didn’t want to discuss why I was angry.

The truth is, he embarrassed me.  His wife bounced a check with us and I let him write with us.  Then he went bad.  When he came in to pay it off, he wanted to re-write.  I wasn’t going to let him, but I could tell he needed to feed his family.

He went bad again and tried to blame me for it.  When we picked up the check from his account, he wanted to re-write.  I explained to him that wasn’t going to be possible for a while and when he came in today, I had to explain that, due to his wife’s debt, he can’t write here, and shouldn’t have done so to begin with.  He was incredulous, first by asking why he should be punished for someone elses debt (HIS WIFES!) and then why we can’t do it know when we did it before.  Wherein I had to admit I got in trouble for doing so. 

…and he couldn’t tell why I was getting mad.

It shouldn’t have happened.    :plight  And I am still sweating because of it.  damn.  I just couldn’t tell him that after the first time, i was trying to help his family, but when he didn’t pick up the last time, it made me look bad for trying to be helpful AND I was told not to rewrite spouses who’s other owes us money. [glow=red,2,300]So. yeah[/glow].  Sigh. 

[Anonymous]

Beral – how I know the feeling.

All of our stores stopped taking checks a couple years ago.  (And we are located in their employers’ areas usually being a crew store).  People that normally wouldn’t take advantage of a retail transaction seem to think writing a check offers leeway.  I don’t know why.

In this day and age there are check cards, credit cards and cash cards and machines and checks are the last resort of dead beats.  All our customers have jobs (many well-paying) and for us to have to stop accepting paper checks says something.

You were right – he was being a dead-beat. 

If you have any input – try to stop taking checks.  It’s simply not worth the effort.  (If the customer cannot get a check card, a cash card or a credit card it’s a good sign they also can’t cover their checks – you know?).

You hate to be mean but you didn’t fail – but that you cared so much…  That’s not failing.  Your customer failed taking advantage of you – and then made you feel bad about it. 

You did not fail…or…I cannot see your actions as a failure.

[JaxKeymaster]

I think he’s saying his anger was a failure.  Beral, sometimes we aren’t aware of issues until they are triggered.  And once they are it can be very difficult to maintain calm when your emotions are trying to get you to act. 

My advice is to first relax.  Beating yourself up for this situation can make it worse and more difficult to move on from.  Second, sometimes it’s useful to ‘role play’ this so to speak.  Meditate for a few minutes until you feel pretty calm.  Then, go back through the situation in your mind.  When you get to the point of getting angry, stop.  Imagine choosing a different reaction.  Basically, rewrite history in your mind.  Work on calming yourself. This will start to retrain yourself to react differently in the future.  Keep doing it until you can remain calm while thinking about the situation.  Or until you get sick of meditating

I’m sure there will be some other suggestions, this is one I like for regrettable situations.

[inariParticipant]

Jax’s suggestion is a good one. Often, the way we react to things is due to a habitual response that has developed over time. You will need to determine the trigger to start building a new behaviour.

And these things happen. Forgive yourself and learn from it *hug*.

[Brandel ValicoParticipant]

Quote:

A Jedi who tries with all his being never fails. It is the Jedi who gives up that fails — Fails not only himself, but the Force as well.

Quote:

Rising From The Ashes
Would-be Jedi must understand that failure should never be the end. The Jedi Code places a heavy load on the Jedi, requiring almost superhuman abilities for them to accomplish all it’s demands. In large and small ways, all Jedi eventually fail the challenges posed by the code in some way. They might feel anger or succumb to temptation. They might work against the balance of the Force, even with the best of intentions. They will fall from the high ideals they hold.
The true failure of a Jedi is not stumbling or failing to live up to the ideals of the Order. The true failure occurs if, once having fallen, the Jedi fails to rise again. Many Jedi who have failed in one of their tasks consider themselves beyond redemption or forgiveness, and in doing so open themselves to the dark side.
Jedi strive to live up to the Jedi Code and the teachings of their masters. When (not if, but when) a Jedi fails to attain those goals, the only choices are to let the failure dominate his life, or to rise from the ashes of that defeat and strive to make peace with himself through the Force.
That is the way of the Jedi.

[MemnoichParticipant]

I have to agree with Brandel, The only true failure would be if you did not rise, if you failed to Learn from this situation. The saying that we’re only human, is truth. We are human, we have emotions, for the most part they are controlled, but every once in a while they can get the better of us. We aren’t Vulcan’s, and as much as it would be nice to have Data’s ability to just turn them off, it ain’t happening, at least not anytime soon. Emotions are a part of us, accepting that and working with it is all we can do. Outbreaks will happen, but learning to control them and deal with them takes time. Learn from your mistakes, be willing to admit when they happen. Own up to your responsibility in the situation. Being able to step back, take a moment. calm your self,  is one thing that not everyone can do. When that customer is in your face, you can’t walk out on him, you have to deal with it the best you can at the time. Afterwards, meditation can help to calm you, and allows you to focus on what the real problem was. This allows you to later deal with the problem and recognize when its about to go to far.

Fear not, the struggle to grow is constant, we were given mountains so that we may learn how to climb.

[Author]

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