The VERY worst thing about taking that job, was I was supposed to go on vacation the week I started to the beach with my mother in law and aunt in law. Just the three of us having fun. They went and in September my aunt changed, her entire additude changed. Then she died on 12/26/17. That was the last time I had to spend with her and I did not. The job was NOT worth it and i knew it, but, it was the only job i had found in 9 months.
The above was 2017, I did not put it there for sympathy, but, to say, I know what happens when your inner voice warns you against something. That was a price, I will not pay again. I am not the best at listening always, but, I do try harder to listen more.
I have been doing exercise Kol recommended from seven years ago, I met my other, she is nice. I have been asking questions as from Chapter 10 of the link in the reply. I am going to start doing this more often and carry a diary in the car. I know when I am get warned about something bad, my stomach knots, bad chills, a voice saying BAD IDEA, but, the good things, no. And, if it hurts someone in someway, double no.
I got a big message tonight, I was worried about my connection to the Force and how others seemed to be much better at connecting than me. Then Bear climbed in my lap and started purring and I looked over and saw a feral cat who just wants me near to be feel safe and secure. And, I realized I am always connected. I just do it differently than others.