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November 2, 2010 at 4:39 pm #139964StreenParticipant
Magdelene and I have recently been talking about patience. More specifically about the fact that we seem to have lost the patience we once had.
So my question is what your perspective is on patience, how you achieve it, how important it is to you, etc.
MTFBWYNovember 2, 2010 at 5:41 pm #156451Kol DrakeModerator
heh… must be ‘the theme’ of this time! Patience is a word and sentiment I am speaking on weekly (sometimes daily) to a few I work with here and non-IJRS coaching but, still semi Jedi based.
Our culture has embraced change and the ‘newer, sleeker, faster, shinier, smaller, zoom-ier — gotta have it now’ mentality.
Pretty much sneering at the old saw, “Slow and steady wins the race.”
Let us face it, it has never been easy to be patient.
Our world is such that now, a message can be sent across the world instantly rather then ‘snail mail’ in a week or so (or, real old, pony express or ship and hope for a reply in a couple of months!). Pratically anything you may ever want or desire is available for immediate purchase with a few clicks of the mouse — talk about instant gratification. Folks who used to complain about ‘cooking’ taking too long now snarl at the the microwave taking seconds to cook the same thing.
For all that, I think many miss the fact that patience remains a valuable tool in life. We do not always get instant gratification, and some of the best things in life require years of hard work and waiting. Fortunately, patience is a virtue that can be cultivated and nurtured.
For me, one way to ‘slow down’ is to journal; taking the time to ponder on what I am doing or have done and taking the time to write it down. Giving me the ‘time’ to chew events over in my mind and come to some personal conclusions.
Another is to keep reminding myself of the ‘Now’ of my actions and not so much ‘the end goal’. My son wants ‘start/finish’ and ignores the ‘steps’ inbetween to get there and is always disappoinited when ‘the goal’ does not magically happen as he had imagined. He also seems to not ‘get’ how the steps after ‘start’ are as important for their ‘foundation and building up to’ as ‘the goal’. Being able to have a goal is ‘good’; being able to note the instances along the journey to that goal is, as the commercial says, priceless. We can sometimes learn more about ourself from the ‘now’ then from finally making it to that goal… somewhere down the road.
The other ‘thing’ I tend to advise everyone (well, those who will listen) is to take ‘time out’. To take breaks when everything seems to be building up to major stress or a mental blowout or when they are starting to ignore ‘basic body sense’. Deep, cleansing breaths and a ‘moment of calm’ can help ‘slow the hampster wheel’ for most… even if just for a few minutes.
Anyway, a great topic and one I think many can add to….
(and “Hi Streen!” been a while old man )November 2, 2010 at 5:54 pm #156452JaxKeymaster
Oooh, since I’m a rebel I’ll answer your question with a question. If you once had patience and now don’t, what has changed? What are you impatient about? Personally, I have found that I become impatient because I want things to happen on my time scale. I can’t see the big picture and thus doesn’t realize the importance of the timing of whatever it is I desire. I find I have lost faith with my soul and guides and their ability to line things up in my life to benefit me the most. Thus, the solution to a lack of patience is to remember this again. Trust the Force. When we push against life, we will meet resistance. If we push hard enough we may get what we want, but find it doesn’t turn out like we wanted – because we screwed up the timing. So my mantra when I get impatient is simple: Trust the process. I also use Trust the Force, depending on the day.
(note, I haven’t read Kol’s response, I will later after I get some work done. lol)November 2, 2010 at 6:03 pm #156453Anonymous
Patience is perhaps the most difficult Jedi virtue to cultivate, given that it is so very counter-cultural. Western society is ‘built for speed’ it seems with our fast food, fast cars, instantaneous communication, and post-industrial revolution concern for efficiency. The overall pace of our society seems to be increasing by leaps and bounds due to exponential technological growth. It was not too long ago, for example, one had to either go to the bookstore or the library for a book and it if was not on the shelves had to wait until it became available. Now, with iPads, Kindles and other e-readers, we can have a book delivered to us at the click of a button. Twenty years ago, letters were sent by postal mail and we had to wait for them to be delivered, replied to and the reply delivered back to us. This process could take a week or more. These days most people use email instead, and generally expect a prompt reply within a day or less and when we send an instant or text message we expect a response to be almost immediate.
Like with any other virtue patience must be practiced regularly to ‘keep in shape’ and the opportunities to flex those ‘muscles’ seem to be diminishing with every technological breakthrough. The solution is to find activities in daily life that require patience. Learning a skill that cannot be learned over night is always a good place to begin, such as playing a musical instrument, learning a new craft, studying a martial art, etc.
Also, when I have a solid daily meditation practice, I am far more conscious of mind and emotions, even while not meditating. This allows me to notice the impatience when it arises, which is the biggest challenge. At that point, usually, some deep breaths and a few moments focused on re-centering myself does the trick.November 2, 2010 at 6:35 pm #156454Anonymous
I posted before reading the other replies and Kol said some of the same things that I did about our fast-paced society. So…my apologies for the repeat. I guess I should have been more patient and read those before clicking ‘post’!Quote:Another is to keep reminding myself of the ‘Now’ of my actions and not so much ‘the end goal’. My son wants ‘start/finish’ and ignores the ‘steps’ inbetween to get there and is always disappoinited when ‘the goal’ does not magically happen as he had imagined. He also seems to not ‘get’ how the steps after ‘start’ are as important for their ‘foundation and building up to’ as ‘the goal’. Being able to have a goal is ‘good’; being able to note the instances along the journey to that goal is, as the commercial says, priceless. We can sometimes learn more about ourself from the ‘now’ then from finally making it to that goal… somewhere down the road.
Being fully present in the moment rather than worrying the road ahead seems to be key, at least for me, anyhow. In my case, it isn’t so much that I have some sort of end goal in mind, but that I so curious about what is around the next bend in the road that I am not paying close enough attention to where I am now. This inevitably leads to impatience as I want to see what is ‘over there’, which, in turn, leads to the foundational steps not getting the attention they require.November 3, 2010 at 8:33 pm #156461Kai-AnParticipantQuote:He also seems to not ‘get’ how the steps after ‘start’ are as important for their ‘foundation and building up to’ as ‘the goal’.
This is really the crux of the matter I think. We tend to view time as null space in between events of importance. How often do we use the phrases ‘I’m just killing time’ or ‘I’m waiting for x thing to start’. Americans especially work too much and relax too little: we seem obsessed with being busy all the time, filling up every moment to be maximally productive, and viewing ‘down time’ or time not actively used as ‘wasteful’ or ‘unproductive’. What we need to remember is that all moments are of equal value: they are all seconds in the limited stretch of time we have on this planet. We don’t have to use them all, but why let any of them pass unnoticed or unappreciated?
Kai-AnNovember 3, 2010 at 11:43 pm #156462StreenParticipant
Thanks for all the feedback everyone I appreciate it. Very helpful.
To answer your question Jax, I’m impatient about pretty much everything. As for why I’ve changed in that respect, I think it has a great deal to do with my battle with depression and anxiety. For a few years they ruled over my life. Fortunately I’ve managed to defeat them both, but I think the side effect of them was that I didn’t want to wait for anything, stemming from the fact that they cause you to think irrationaly. When you’re anxious, you can’t wait, and that coupled with feeling depressed, I couldn’t wait to feel better.
I guess I got used to trying to feel better as soon as possible. In other words, I never feel like waiting to get what I want or need. I know its not very Jedi-like of me, but maybe now that I don’t have those illnesses hanging over my head, I can once again work toward patience.
Thanks again everyone.November 4, 2010 at 3:34 am #156465JaxKeymaster
We’re going through the same thing. When you are sick for so long, for whatever reason, and you finally start to get better you want to not just walk forward into your future but run! And then any setback is harder to deal with as well. That’s why my mantra is to remind myself that the Force knows how fast we can handle things. When I get antsy, which can be fairly often, I focus on breathing and reminding myself that I don’t know the timeline and to trust our guides and souls with our lives. It’s not easy, but it’s true. Give it a try.November 4, 2010 at 10:37 am #156466Brandel ValicoParticipant
My perspective on patience is that it’s not simply being willing to take the time for whatever is in question to happen and or finish. But being willing to accept and exist fully within the time it takes.
For example if we are in a conversation with someone who we dislike or who annoys us. Many of us will simply get up and walk away or find the first excuse to get away. We are almost physically in ahurry to get away from the person. Some will act patient enough to allow the person to share what it is they wish to share while in reality they are generally just being polite and not really listening at all. The rare few will show true patience and actually listen to what the other person has to say and move on afterwards. This is even harder to do when we feel we need to be someplace soon.
As for wanting the reward or benfit of an activity and not being willing to take the time.
I can offer an example from my own life here. I have recently begun to learn how to play the guitar. I have many friends who all ready do so. They are all very annoyed that I have gently turned down their offers to show me how to play. All of them are tab readers. (For those unfimilar with the term. A Tab is a block that shows what finger or fingers to place on what strings to play a note or chord. Many Guitarist use them as a quick cheat sheet. To learn a new song.) None of them can actually read notes or sheet music. As I wish to learn this skill also. It is taking me far longer to learn how to do what they consider easy songs. I’ll admit there are times when I consider going the quick easy route and just learning the tabs for songs. But I don’t just want to learn how to play the guitar. I also want to learn sheet music. I’m simply using the guitar to learn how to do so. Slowly it’s begun to pay off. The upside is that unlike them. I can sit down with a new song and a different instrunment and pick it up quicker then they can. Becuase for example with my wife’s Violin. I can, though slowly, play the same songs on it I can on the Violin as well as other basic songs using the notes I know. Becuase I actually know the notes not just the quick guide. They can’t becuase minus the tabs (Violin tabs are few and far between) they cant actually learn a new song.
My reward far out wieghs theirs in my eyes. Do to taking the time and actually learning the sheet music and where the notes are not just looking at a tab I will eventually have an easier time learning songs that have yet to be written in tab. Where they simply can’t. I can use either method.
Due to my being patient and accepting that I need to honestly put in the time and effort.
The same is true of anything we do. If you honestly want to be good at something you must put in the work and accept mentally (If your complaining or thinking of other things while doing so your probably not really accepting it needs to be done) that the time must be put in.
So to sum up….
For me patience isn’t just the act of putting in the time. It’s also adopting the correct mental and emotinal state of accepting and being happy and willing to put in the time to do or learn what it is you wish to learn.November 5, 2010 at 5:30 pm #156468MemnoichParticipant
I know that currently my problem with patience is I want some things happening in my personal life to be over and done with so I can move on. As for other place’s, I know I can get impatient in conversations when it seems like I’m just going over the same old thing over and over.
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