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    (written a while ago)

    On Love

    By Jax

    One of the biggest misconceptions about the Jedi is that we are not allowed to be in loving relationships.  While this was true of Lucas’s creative vision of the Jedi, this does not mean it is a good idea for most people.  While there are a few spiritual traditions that teach celibacy as the only way to reach enlightenment, there are others who advocate the opposite of embracing sexuality as the highest spiritual expression.  As always there are no clear cut answers.

    Humans are emotional beings.  We communicate, truly communicate, not through words, but through emotions and body language.  How many times have you noticed that words do not describe an experience accurately, especially when it affects you deeply?  Language is inherently limited.  How do you feel when you know your words are not being understood?  If you are anything like me, you find the experience frustrating.  This is because humans have a deep need to connect to others around them.  We connect by understanding others, sharing a moment together.  It is through these connections that we truly experience ourselves. 

    How so?  Well, imagine you are locked in an isolated room, completely silent, solid white, with no way to distinguish one wall from the next.  First you may lose sense of the room, where it ends and begins, which way is which.  In time, you begin to lose sense of yourself, because you have nothing to compare yourself to anymore, besides the room.  Short of knowing you aren’t a room, who or what are you?  It becomes impossible to know because you do not experience yourself as anything except not a wall.  However, if you were released from this room, you would immediately begin to find yourself again, having a myriad of things to compare yourself to.  So interacting and connecting to other people is a way of finding and defining ourselves.

    In my experience, finding a person to connect with on a long term basis, possibly for a lifetime, is the ultimate experience in the self.  While I knew many things about myself before meeting my wife, it was only through my relationship with her that I really started to see.  For instance, issues with jealousy and fear of loss cannot show up until you have someone to lose and be jealous of!  Also, you learn selflessness on a new level, learning to take into account someone else’s desires in addition to your own.  The other thing I have found is that she grounds me to reality.  She has helped me work through so many of my own issues, simply because I knew she was here if I needed her.  I truly feel as if we were meant to find each other in this life and travel this path together.  Otherwise how could we possibly have worked for this long considering how different we are?!

    An important thing to remember about relationships is that they do not work without honesty.  If you are with someone who you don’t feel comfortable sharing your Jedi life with, then you are not in an honest relationship.  My wife may not share my views and beliefs on everything, but she gives me the room to grow and believe what I wish.  I afford her the same courtesy.  If both individuals in a relationship do not feel free to grow, the relationship is doomed to fail.  However, a relationship that allows growth and encourages honesty is well on its way to being strong and healthy.  Granted, not all relationships are meant to last lifetimes.  Remember that each connection we make happens at the time we needed it, and lasts as long as we need it.  Sometimes people come into our lives for moments, others for many lifetimes.  If you live in the moment you can enjoy each one no matter how long and learn.

    Hybrid Dawn

    I agree. Love is one of the most amazing thing that a person can experience. I can empower, enlighten and completely change a person, and make them wiser. It’s the type of thing that can’t be explained but you know it when you feel it and that’s what makes it so powerful.

    As you said, it brings selflessness to a new level. When you’re in love, you’d do anything for that person, the only thing that truly matters is their happiness.

    As a jedi I believe that it’s something fundamental for our teachings, love, concideration, selflessness, all things that not only make you feel better about yourself, but keep the people around you happy as well.

    It’s truly a force of it’s own.


    Agreed. Although my experience with romantic love is limited (and rather recent too…) love and compassion in any form and any amount changes the world.


    My wife was talking about love the other day in the strange space that she exists in after a seizure, but before full consciousness.  I wrote it down, so I’ll share what she said about love.  Keep in mind the state of mind she’s in is not consciousness.  I don’t know what it is.  But, it’s not written with perfect english or sentence structure.  However, there is certainly a lot of truth in it.

    Love is the worst of all because she’s dangerous and irrational and she hurts people and makes them do awful things.  She’s caused wars, broken spirits.  She’s the hardest to understand and the hardest to control because when you give her, you mean so well but can end so horribly.  She has to be tempered with wisdom.  Lots and lots of wisdom and a little bit of power. 

    That last line is the most important.  If love is not paired with wisdom you end up with good intentions going awry.  Wars are faught, people are murdered, or more often people end up fighting and ruining friendships.  Always temper love with wisdom. 

    And the power, I personally think that means you need to not give yourself over to someone else completely.  Maintain your own power to maintain balance.  Women tend to fall into this trap more than men, and give themselves over until there is nothing of themself that remains.  And then people snap and other people die.  Maintain your own power.


    Married with one daughter I can appreciate what has been said. Before we were married we were not always honest and had to learn the hard way, which made it easier for us later-on. The wisdom necessary for such a love which you correctly mentioned has been given to us with time and the chores of daily life. No longer are we blue eyed in our love, but we have become a unity which tries to face the trials which life presents. The just when we started to adapt to each other we both had to learn to even give this up, and share it with our child. Love certainly entails a process of dying, letting go. This has not been a destructive love but one which has made us new. Some might describe it as being born again.
    Ten years of my life I spent in a religious community in celibacy. The idea here though was to make yourself free for a “marriage” with Christ. Faced with a very often cruel community and a spiritual opposite it was indeed difficult to find yourself.


    imho romantic love is a stupid silly pipe dream …
    but that is just my take on it …
    I choose to have nothing to do with it anymore …
    but I know that for some it is something to seek and if you find it, good … :)
    I hope it lasts for you and that you don’t end up being lied to, manipulated, used, etc like I’ve been …


    Well I have found a love….but you remember the number of times I`ve been lied to, beated, betrayed, publicy humiliated. That my nationality was the wrong one gave me the first 20 years a bad start. Out of innumerable setbacks I managed to find something veluable. Iam very grateful however (this took me in some cases years) because I could understand others more.

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