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    I’ve been sleeping quite poorly lately, which makes it hard to remember dreams.  But as soon as I do, I’ll share them here.  lol


    I only remember bits, because I can’t honestly remember every losing consciousness last night. 

    I was with a group of people, going on a trip apparently.  Old classmates and such.  My friend Katie was there, who I mentioned in a previous dream to Icarus.  She’s one of those smart, creative, pure joy kinda people.  I start to pack my stuff up when the bus comes.  Everyone rushes to get on, but I’m still shoving things back in my bag, but in the back of my mind I think Katie will hold a seat for me.  I notice there are things left behind that no one moves to the back to load.  I go to the person loading, who has now become my aunt Barb.  She’s the type of person who has never accepted me, and still thinks I’m evil or something.  Self righteous bs, but also mother of my favorite cousin who’s only 5 days older than me, so I had to spend more time with her than I would have liked growing up.  Haven’t spoken to her in a few years.  So, I tell her that there is a bit of stuff that looks like it belongs to the school, so I’m not sure what to do with it.  Then I get on the bus.

    I was right, Katie was in the first seat to my left (as I’m standing).  I sat down, and saw my brother in a seat ahead of me and to my left (as I’m sitting).  Another person comes, dressed kinda weird, in a black cloak type thing who apparently is a comic writer who writes this awesome comic, Boy on a stick and Slither.  Katie doesn’t want him around though, for reasons I can’t quite remember.  I think she just doesn’t get along with him the best.  But he behaves and is pleasant enough.  So I’m not sure. 

    I think that’s all I remember.  Oh, and the junior high choir director, who I am friends with and have worked with for years talks to me, not sure if it’s in person or on the phone, saying she’s going to see this show the following week with Mike, another classmate and friend of ours.  So I don’t think she was coming with us, and that perhaps we were all going to a show.  Also, at one point I tell my brother when he has internet I have a video to show him of my friend’s baby, Shayla.  She posted a video of her dancing on you tube, she’s 8 months old and adorable. 

    Oh!  Now I remember more.  So as we’re driving I start to see some amazing rock and water formations.  It reminds me of the main area at Copper Falls in wisconsin, where the rocks are at different levels, and the water just flows over it.  (Waterfallwithtreeonside-CopperFallsWI.jpg And it’s all close to the road.  Then the trip gets crazy, and somewhat scary.  As much as I love water, getting too close to it, especially when it’s this ‘wild’ with water falls and such is scary as hell for me.  So I actually closed my eyes for a portion.  I think the bus turned into a boat at times too.  I remember looking back after one big turn and seeing a waterfall that we couldn’t possibly have come down.  So I decide we came from a bit farther past it.  I think the dream ends around that time, we us surrounded by amazing water, but me kinda freaked out by it all.  I actually feel anxious thinking about it right now.  Which makes it pretty amusing that I’m going to jump in the shower now.  lol  Controlled water isn’t bad, just the uncontrolled stuff that I could drown in.  :-) 

    I think I’m more anxious about it now, than I was in the dream though.  I don’t usually feel much in dreams. 


    Jax, it almost sounds like you are afraid of not having enough prepared for a big event. ;)

    The water is a sign of the emotions and psychic abilities. It is possible that because you are surrounded by the water in your dream, and it is rocky water, that you are subconsciously blocking your abilities in these areas.


    And scaring the bejesus out of me in the process lol  I really need to get over this water anxiety, it sucks….

    And yeah, that makes some sense.  I have a week before I submit this application for the awesome job, as opposed to the good enough job I have now.  Which then leads into the having a baby part of life.  Both of which I’m not ready for yet. 

    And none of these were what I intended when I went to sleep, which was to go visit my friend who is falling into insanity right now, with the hopes of beginning to turn her around. Though who knows, maybe I did that too.  lol  I hope adrenaline keeps me going today because that was horrible sleep.  Interesting dreaming, but not good sleep. 


    I don’t often have animal dreams.  But when I do, they seem to come in pairs.  Last night it happened again.  I was…somewhere…and there was a cave to my right in a small cliff.  This cliff area was in a sunken area, almost like how they landscape at zoos, where the animal areas are all lowered with respect to where the people walk, but this was just in the woods.  I tried to get past it carefully, which didn’t work.  The details are fuzzy, but there was a bear, which I tried to get away from.  I got to high ground, on a big rock, but that didn’t really help much.  I tried to hold the bear off, but ended up with my arm in it’s mouth.  I wasn’t being bitten necessarily, but you know how it is with sharp teeth and soft limbs.  I remember feeling like teeth were catching my bicep area of my left arm, but the bear didn’t bite down.  And then, as this was going on, it seemed to morph at the end to a more wolf like creature.  But this was more a sense I had than any visual since my focus was on not getting bit so the dream was more feeling at that point.

    The last time I had a dream like this it involved a smaller bear, which I was able to hold down.  And then an arctic wolf showed up.  I don’t have time to look up the bear totem stuff.  I’m quite curious as to why the bear and wolf seem to arrive in pairs in my dreams.  I know this isn’t a situation of being ‘attacked’ per se, as an attack would involve far more damage and intent.  Perhaps it’s more like when they get angry with their cubs and try to get them to pay attention?  Or, maybe I’m just looking for something that sounds better than a bear trying to eat me.  lol  Hard to know, especially without looking up the totem information to see. 

    One out there thought is that bears hibernate.  I was walking past, thinking it was still in hibernation, but it clearly wasn’t.  In a sense, I’ve been hibernating in my life, resting after too many years of school.  And now is time to wake up and get moving.  Too simple?  Or perhaps only part of it.  lol  How about, my shower should be hot by now and I’m wasting water.  :-)  I’ll stop rambling now and see what else comes to mind. 

    By the way, Icarus, were you able to stop by last night? 


    In response to my own post, here’s what I found on the totem site I prefer.  This is for the grizzly bear, but I think it’s general for most bears too.

    Awakening the Voice Within       
    Keeper of Lunar Magic       
    Defense, Protection & Revenge       
    Totem of Healers, Shamans & Dreams

    The Grizzly Bear is a beautiful example of the ~Great Spirit`s~ creative force.  She is a creature at the top of the “food chain” in North America, with tremendous strength and boundless courage, yet her heart is tender and loving as she looks after her cubs, protecting them from all harm while simultaneously teaching them the independence necessary to survive in the ever changing landscape in which they live.

    Grizzly Bear possesses an internal clock that alerts him to the changing of seasons long before obvious indications begin to manifest.  He will store an extra layer of fat that will assist him through the long months of winter in which food is scarce.

    Contrary to popular belief, the Grizzly does not go into “hibernation” though his metabolism and heart rate may reduce by nearly half to help preserve the extra calories stored in his fat layer.  This same tendency to go into a state of semi-hibernation translates to the one beside whom Grizzly strides as the need for periodic intervals of solitude and/or introspection, with some human counterparts actually mimicking the Bear’s penchant for longing periods of sleep needed during the winter months.  From the inner reaches of
    his contemplative mind, Grizzly will find the solutions to any problem, issue or lesson that he is faced with and hence is a masterful problem solver.
    What is the internal voice that beckons to Grizzly that the time is approaching to store the food which she will contain within herself?  An inner voice that alerts her to potential danger to her cubs, long before sight or sound of threat is seen or heard?  Some would simply say survival instinct, yet is this the only explanation, or merely the surface answer to a
    fathomless lake?  Whatever the “true” source of this Inner Knowing, Grizzly listens to the call whispered softly on the breeze and heard echoing from the mountain tops as she awakens to the Voice Within.

    ***One with Power Totem Grizzly Bear is an individual whose Role along the Red Road of Physical Life, is to Awaken the Voice Within, and thus, much of her Life will be dedicated to stirring to consciousness, the Voice of the Soul.  Yet this is only the first step, as the Grizzly Soul is here to teach others to listen to the gentle stirring of the Inner Voice, to awaken to the Music of the Intuition.***


    In the heavens, the celestial body which represents Grizzly Bear is Ursa Major (Great Bear) the constellation which is better known by most as the “Big Dipper.”  Seven stars comprise this constellation and are said to represent the Seven Rays of Divine Light as follows;

    Ray 1:  All are One / Work together for the benefit of all Mankind.
    First Stepping Stone along the Pathway of Peace is Spiritual Faith.

    Ray 2: Honor one another/Treat Mother Earth, and all that dwell thereon,
    with respect.
    The Second Stepping Stone is Spiritual Awareness.

    Ray 3: Honor the Self/Look after the well being of mind and body.
    The Third Stepping Stone is Spiritual Healing.

    Ray 4:  Love is Divine Power/Give assistance and kindness wherever needed and remain close to Great Mystery.
    The Fourth Stepping Stone along the Pathway of Peace is Spiritual Love.

    Ray 5:  Surrender personal Will to Divine Will/Dedicate a share of your efforts to the greater good.
    The Fifth Stepping Stone is Spiritual Charity.

    Ray 6:  Seek Only the Truth/Do what you know to be right and be truthful and honest at all times.
    The Sixth Stepping Stone is that of Spiritual Cleansing.

    Ray 7:  Live in the Present Moment/Take full responsibility for your actions.
    The Seventh Stepping Stone on the Pathway of Peace is Spiritual Insight.

    These are Universal Truths that many philosophies, including Earth Medicine, embrace.  For all souls who incarnate into flesh, the embracing of all seven rays are a key element to the evolution of the eternal spark, the ~Soul,~ yet for Grizzly Totem in particular, there will be a conscious and concentrated effort upon fully understanding and embracing all rays so that Integration can be achieved.
    The challenge for one born with Grizzly as their Power Totem is to come not only to understand the true meaning to each of the Seven Rays, it is crucial that they then fully integrate each of the rays into the soul so that it then becomes a “natural” state of being.  Obviously, this is a multi-dimensional task and one which will take more than one lifetime to
    achieve.  With each cycle around the Sacred Hoop, Grizzly soul learns one of the Rays until he/she reaches that lifetime in which all seven rays have been experienced, understood and integrated separately, and are now to be understood, experienced and integrated as a Whole.

    As an example, one may be born with a natural resonance to Ray 2 (Honor One Another) as this has been learned in a previous incarnation, yet may come in with a “weak” understanding of Ray 7 (Live in the Present Moment) and so the challenge for the Soul then becomes to fully understand, absorb and integrate Ray 7 so the Whole may merge and become a “natural” state of Being.

    Learning this on the Soul level is just the first step along Grizzly Totems Path however, as then the next step, after the individual integration has been achieved, is to then assist others (through both example and instruction) upon the Seven Rays and how one may then go about integrating the Parts into the Whole.  Yet with the inherent strength of this Totem, all is Possible.***

    There’s a bit more, but it’s getting quite long so I’ll just link to the rest for those curious.  [url=http://wolfs_moon.tripod.com/grizztotem.html]http://wolfs_moon.tripod.com/grizztotem.html[/url]  I guess I’m not sure what this means as far as totems and all that.  Bears seem to show up as often, or almost as often, as wolves in my dreams.  Is bear my lesson now?  They don’t seem to be short lessons, based on what this person says.  Could I have two primary totems?  Icarus, what do you think?  lol  (not cutting anyone else out, she’s just my go to person with this stuff ;-) )

    By the way, Icarus, were you able to stop by last night? 

    Well, at first I didn’t think so. But, after reading your dreams, it may have happened. I dreamt that I was climbing up on something (maybe rocks?) with you, and Carrie was at the top of whatever it was that we were climbing. I don’t remember the rest of it though. When I woke up, I thought that it was just a dream, but now…. who knows.


    yeah, I couldn’t tell you.  I’ll check with Carrie, see if she has any recollections from last night, assuming she slept before this morning that is. 


    Darn, I’m losing details already.  I remember being in this school/college type building.  In this room I could see and hear my high school jazz band rehearsing, with my favorite junior high band teacher leading them.  I was talking with someone else in the hall, though I’m not sure who exactly.  At some point I remember looking back into the room and Roberta (the band teacher) gives me this look of exasperation.  I said “I hope I wasn’t included in that look” and kinda laughed, but felt so bad for her.  So I make my way around to the stage/backstage area.  Now they’re all in the old junior high auditorium.  I think someone asked me a question, but I blew them off.  I find LuAnne, the junior high choir director and a friend of mine.  And we are just all watching this train wreck sorta happen.  It’s so odd.  After she asks Mark, a drummer who graduated 2 years ahead of me for some feedback, and he just spouts some stupid stuff.  lol  It was all very strange. 
    :edited to include: I also forgot that while walking around backstage I found the list of songs to be played and I thought it was a bit long and complicated – that this train wreck was also partially Roberta’s fault, not just the band’s fault. /edit

    Then there’s a small snippet of something else.  Carrie and someone else are trying to call people.  Carrie ends up calling Sarah, who she isn’t speaking with, to try to talk to Holloway, who she needs to speak with.  They end up arguing and I remember Carrie say “I’m not trying to talk to you, I just need to talk to Holloway.”  It was all very ridiculous. 

    I just had this thought pop into my head as I finished typing the band section of the dream.  I hope I can put it into words.  My band teacher is someone I dearly love.  She wouldn’t allow a song to continue as a train wreck like in the dream.  She has stopped a piece on stage before and restarted it.  So what train wreck am I observing these days?  The drama at JRC.  There are people I love trying to orchestrate things to move forward, people I love who are standing by watching, and people that I know who are asked to help that don’t contribute anything useful.  And people I know and don’t know in the midst of it doing the best they can.  And in music, this combination equals pure garbage.  And that’s pretty much what it equals in a community too. 
    :edited to add yet another thing:  Note, that everyone played their part in the train wreck.  In music, listening is everything.  If you’re just playing, but not listening, it sounds like complete crap.  Just like in a community.  It doesn’t matter how much you care, if no one is listening, you get nowhere.  How do we make everyone care enough to truly listen?  Is that even possible?

    Wow, this is quite interesting!  Hooray for intuition.  I can’t tell you the number of times a small idea pops into my head and it’s dead on.  Wow…


    I’m sick of editing my post.  lol  I just wanted to say that the last part of the dream was Carrie’s dream jumping into mine.  This happens a lot, especially when sleeping next to each other.  I had a feeling that was what happened, but didn’t know until we talked over breakfast.  lol

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