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  • #139474
    Katrin Wolfwalker
    Participant

    Hey everyone,

    I have been gone for a long while.
    I feel like I am waking up (again) right now:
      Started meditating again (haven’t for over half a year, possibly a lot longer),
      Reconnected with my spirit guides, which is nice, too,
      started to write and sketch again (http://listening-to-shadows.deviantart.com),
      picked up with my wallpainting,
      and began cleaning again, mentally as well as physically.

    It feels good, though a bit strange, to be here again (not here at this forum, but here at waking up). It feels like I did it a million times, and I probably did…

    Ourgh, I am rambling!!!
    Enough.

    Short version: hey, I am back, nice to read you all.

    Katrin Wolfwalker

    #151690
    Aslyn
    Participant

    It’s good to see you, Katrin. It’s certainly been a few years, huh? Hope you’re well!

    #151691
    Katrin Wolfwalker
    Participant

    Yeah, it has been a long while. I am getting better.  :redface

    As I mentioned (briefly) in my training journal I am diagnosed medium depressed, what ever that means.
    When the depression got too big for me to handle I stopped – everything. Meditation, shamanic group, reiki, coming here, writing, sketching, painting, meeting friends, everything was too much of an effort.
    My oldest memory of feeling stuck, of feeling depressed, is of early 2008, that was when I first thought “I can’t make a decission right now, my feelings are all mixed up.” But it started even earlier than that.

    I am currently resurfaceing, taking a breath. Hopefully I will get a strong grip on my balance before the darkness of winter comes along to test me again. Winter hasn’t been easy the last two times around. With the whole vitamin D, and all that…

    I will see what is next on my path when I get there. Right now I am learning to feel again, which is a big step for me. And after that I will figure out what I will do to pay my rent.

    (My doctor prescribed me sick for my therapy to get a hold on me, and for me to get my feet back under me.)

    Now I will – I don’t know – shut down my pc and be here in my appartment for a while.

    Thanks for welcoming me back, it’s nice to read such a fast reply.
    Hope you are well, too.

    K

    #151692
    Aslyn
    Participant

    Sounds like you’re having a rather complicated time. One thing I would suggest, though, Katrin – work out your financial issues first. Nothing, and I mean nothing places more pressure on a person than knowing they’ve got bills to pay that they can’t afford – if there’s anything more conducive to long-term stress, I’ve yet to observe it. Get that particular issue off your shoulders and you’ll probably find matters a little easier to deal with thereafter. Keep your chin up, regardless.

    #151696
    Katrin Wolfwalker
    Participant

    Thank you for your concern, Aslyn, it is very well appreciated.

    I do know that one’s finances are the most important if trying to releave pressure.

    The figure of speach: The job that pays the rent. Was what I meant.

    My husband just got a new job, so it is not immediatly pressing for me to work too. A job, which is also paying well enough for me to take that break. We (husband and I) have currently everything ordered in a way that I can take that break, until end of september at the latest, to figure out what I want to do.

    I know it sounds – stupid (okay, you wouldn’t name it like that, but anyway…) to not know what one wants, but that has been the state of my situation here: I don’t know what I want. I havent known for the last 2 1/2 to 3 years. Only being aware of “this being wrong”.

    So I am glad that I can try out some stuff in August.
    Okay, “glad” is not the word. The word is more in the region of “thrilled”.

    I will see if that which I have thought of as my alternative, my dream, my goal, my whatever is truely where my heart tells me to go to or if it is only a shiny bubble, in the “the grass is greener over there”-fasion.
    If you are interested: becoming a carpenter is the thing I will try soon, to see if it “speaks to me” more than my current biology studies.

    Hope to have cleared up any errors in my explaining myself.
    Please don’t worry for me. For the first time since winter hit last september/october/november I have a clear view. It could be clearer, yes, but murky path in front of me is better than no direction what so ever…

    I only hope I make myself understood properly,
    K

    #151697
    Aslyn
    Participant

    I know exactly how you feel. There are moments when I envy those people who picked their career as kids and stayed with it. Me, I get a little indecisive on occasion when it comes to things like that – there’s a LOT of potential options available to you. The way I figure it, it’s not a bad thing to take your time to work that out, because you only get the one shot at it. Most of us have maybe, what, 40-50 years for potential career-building? And that’s starting from the bottom and working your way up, determining if you like it, if you’re good at it, and still managing to save enough to live properly while you’re working AND to enable you to raise kids (maybe) and then retire.

    I’m one of those people that really doesn’t give a damn what you do with your life, as long as you’re happy and in good health, and don’t try screwing up other people’s lives. If it takes you 10-20 years to figure out your direction, that’s fine, as long as you a) enjoy the search and b) get something out of it in the end. And I’m pretty sure you will, so have at it ;)

    #151698
    Katrin Wolfwalker
    Participant
    Quote:
    […] and still managing to save enough to live properly while you’re working AND to enable you to raise kids (maybe) and then retire.

    I had to smile at that, because:

    My husband and I (my husband and me?) … whatever. We are planning to move out of the city (not a big city but still) out somewhere nice. Buy or build a lone-standing house, have a sustainable garden, chicken, dogs, tree house, and strawberries… Our son is 5 1/2 now (born 14th Dec 03) and we want that…

    Anyway I am trying to figure out my next steps after this trying-out-carpentering.

    I agree with you about the be happy and in good health and enjoy the journey part, even if it takes you 10-20 years to find the direction… But sometimes people, and friends, (girlfriends) get to me.
    I let myself be talked out of carpentering by one (before I started my studies), I was told to get help regarding my depression by a second, same second was threatening to pull my head off (figuratively) when I was thinking about dropping out of university…
    The third (and best) friend of mine, Yeelan Shen´ta here in this forum, told me to try it out first, and listen to what I feel about that.
    I have been listening to others for so long it is not easy to hear my inner voice, my-self, anymore.
    Hence the break and figuring out what comes next part…..

    Thank you for your kind words.
    K

    #152131
    Adana
    Participant

    Glad to see you back Katrin. I know exactly how it is to fall into a depressive hole especially when it has to do with finances. AS a single mother with one income I never seem to make ends meet completely and it is a constant struggle to avoid shut offs and food shortages, although I make a decent income.

    We are always here to help and listen and I wish you the best on your own journey.

    #152135
    jdmcowan
    Participant
    Quote:
    I had to smile at that, because:
    My husband and I (my husband and me?) … whatever. We are planning to move out of the city

    Life is designed to challenge us and sometimes you have to step back and take a little time before diving back into the challenge.  Keep working on it.  You’ll find a way to flow with the Force for a while and you’ll get a moment’s peace.

    BTW, I’m hoping my linguistics background can provide a small help with the grammar problem you had above.  I know it’s a small thing, but I don’t have much more I can offer and I like to help where I can.  The easiest way to figure out whether it’s,”… and I,” or, “…and me,” is to remove the other person and see what you would say if it was just you.  “I am planning to move,” thus, “My husband and I are…”  “It will be good for me,” thus, “…good for my husband and me.”

    #152136
    Adana
    Participant

    I still struggle with English grammar at times although I have been told I speak better English than most who grew up speaking it. Well…that has to be seen

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