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January 29, 2011 at 6:38 am #140126DeralethParticipant
This is just what this says to be: a training journal. However course assignments will not be posted here, I will just be posting about things in my life that directly relate to the Jedi path.January 29, 2011 at 6:39 am #157709DeralethParticipant
Just recently, November twenty-fourth, to be exact, my step-father passed away at the age of 69 due to end-stage kidney disease, my mother, who had almost twenty years with this great man (and it took me almost as long to finally see that he was a great man, regrettably), was devastated.
He loved Chinese food, specifically Cantonese, and we would occasionally go to Chester’s Asia in Camarillo, here in California. He had been going to Chester’s for decades, becoming very good friends with the owner and the other employees.
I bring this up because last night my wife and I decided that we should go out to eat (we live with my mother) and we had both been craving Chinese food, but we knew that my mother would never be able to go back to Chester’s again. I told her to take a look at Hunan Garden’s menu, the restaurant we planned to go to that is down the street.
She took one look and broke down crying, she told us that she could here him excitedly asking her what she was going to have. We gave her time to calm herself down, but she agreed to go out with us to eat.
We go there and had a delicious meal, my wife and I keeping a very close eye on my mother. She was doing well on the outside, but I know inside she was a disaster. I hurt for her, seeing her in so much pain, losing a person that she loved very, very much.
I felt myself become calm and serene and I heard myself telling her that even though it hurt to be at the Chinese restaurant because of the memories it evoked, that one must face that hurt in order to move along in one’s healing after a death. I reminded her that while the husk ceased in its animation, that one’s life did not end, that we continue on in our true form, aiding in bringing about new life, and sustaining old life.
I say that I heard myself saying these words, because they were not words I had chosen to say, they just came from me. I looked at my mother and she smiled, and there was love and warmth in here eyes.
I also detected something I hadn’t seen in her since his passing: a glimmer of hope.
I feel that because my compassion was so strong for my mother, that it allowed the Force to flow through me, that I had opened up to it fully, if even for the briefest amount of time, and allowed its wisdom to reach the ears and heart that needed it.
However, I could always be wrong.
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