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    It might be that since you hadn’t used it in a while hotmail was kicking it back. Are you getting notifications of replies to that email?

    I am very happy, but not keeping up as well as I’d like. lol I do have people stepping up to help though, and that’s key.

    Asta Sophi

    It has been a very hectic three weeks. As well as a total life-changer..

    As some of you old-timers know – I have owned/managed a business for over 25 years. A pretty successful business that I began with my Dad – and then sold to a larger company about 3 years ago.

    The new company was not something I wanted. But – well – the parents needed the money – and I could stay on and still make a good living – and work for a bigger company. I wasn’t wild about this company, and I did know they didn’t have the high standards towards employees, customers that was our hallmark.

    3 years may have been too long to try to make it work. I went to visit my elderly parents last weekend, and especially spoke to my Dad about the conditions of the company. The lack of respect to lower employees. The greed for the top. The continued slide in quality and service. And that our main customers – the airlines – were noticing and what was the most difficult…

    THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO BUT APOLOGIZE – or ‘diss the new company paying my paycheck.
    Or – LIE TO THE CUSTOMER – which I just cannot do.

    The behavior towards other employees, the white tower (of which I was basically a part) is past toxic to abusive. And frustratingly – simply stupid. Bad decisions. Common business sense gone to something someone read in a business magazine.

    I have felt for the past year that i was on a sinking ship – and I tried in every way I could to do something about it. Each was I turned was a “shoot the messenger” scene – or threats against speaking to anyone about “this or that” issue. My corporate relationships are there – but they too wonder what has happened.

    I had to sign a contract that I would not work inside the industry should I choose to leave – and all intellectual property or designs belonged to the company, etc., etc., etc…

    It’s fine. In middle age I am going to simply have to start over. I am given a generous severance pay of 6 months – which I did not expect when I am leaving them. So – in one month – I will be free and clear and able to truly “start again”.

    The frustration of the really bad decisions, the sadness at seeing the business slowly slide to failure, and the abuse by those who were intimidated by my corporate relationships and experience, and past success were simply bothersome tinged with disgusting. I am no genius – but no slouch – but I also do not think we should run what I do like a 7-11 and think we are going to be okay.

    I should have left when we sold-out. I knew it at the time.

    Now I look forward and see so many possibilities – but at dead center middle age – I recognize some blockages. I have no debt which is a good thing. I have very good health.

    But you know what I think may be my strongest suit? I have an open mind to not look at the money offered here or there – or the safety of a related business – or knowing the company might try to call me back.

    It’s a Jedi trait – is it not – to wait and feel what is before us. To feel where we should be – rather than try to strive for where WE think we should be. I want to wait for a gut feeling – because every time I do not follow it I end up… well… wishing I did. I am here 3 years after I had the gut feeling to go – and I would give much not to have seen what happened to my beloved work-baby.

    It’s time to reach out, sit back, and gather what change is before me.

    I feel peace I have not felt for months if not years. It’s a bit frightening too – but I am working to set fear aside and simply sense and feel what is TRULY there, and not what my mind and possibly friends/family project in leaving a rather (once) terrific job with security, pay, and a lifestyle many might want. I had gained a certain status by my longevity (however it had begun to feel like a burden of falsity).

    I will dearly miss my old life – but it is old, it is in the past, and the new one is… yes this is the word that keeps returning to me… it feels creepy. I feel creepy in myself in this false place.

    Much to meditate upon and simply regain balance and authenticity before moving forward.

    It’s a great comfort to be able to speak of it here.


    Sounds awesome! Not all that lead up to it, but the freedom. And you have a ton of connections. Sure, they are in the airline biz, but they all know people who aren’t. I’m sure with all those connections you can find something in no time. :-)

    Kol Drake

    The butterfly finally gets to emerge from her cocoon?

    You stayed 3 years HOWEVER it *did* allow for a severance package and 6 months pay, etc. Which is a nice cushion while you contemplate your next move.

    AND, it’s never too late. “Grandma Moses” didn’t really kick in her painting career until she was 76 and was famous by 88! Youve got time to let the Force (and your gut) do plenty of ‘thoughtful debate’ concerning the next stretch in your Path.

    Now…. jobs that don’t involve mega stress…

    Asta Sophi


    Time and change. I see it here on the boards (glad to see this board and familiar faces), and the new angles on discussions.

    I have given myself the opportunity to go into solitude for, well, a bit over a year. I saw people only when I went to get food, and an occasional run in with people and critters.

    No internet, limited phone. I did not rough it, but it was not filled with comfort.

    I will try to return when I have online time.

    Health and peace, and joy to you all until then.



    ASTA!!!! Thank you for popping in! I hope you will share some things you’ve learned this year as you can. :-)

    Asta Sophi

    Hey Mama Jedi!!! I am so happy for you.

    I read my entry and want to let Lol know I am not in jail. LOL…

    Wish I had more time. Will be back soon.


    Not being in jail is a good start! hahahaha

    Asta Sophi

    I have been surprised that SW vii and other have not generated more activity across the Jedi Realist/Other boards.

    But the new movies do not seem as inspired somehow? They are narratives to be sure, but an experience they are not.

    To me, the heart of it is missing. Not sure why…

    My own past 18 month narration will be brief:. Car packed to go home for a long visit, I received a call that my mother died in her sleep. I got my elderly cat and drove home for the funeral.

    I have learned that there is more than one currency. I have had some in dollars and cents but been very poor in having time. With time comes fellowship, love, experiences. Monetarily come items to buy and basic security.

    I have been rich in time these latest months, and have experienced HEALING. I needed time(healing) before I went back to try to gain balance in my very changed life. I had budgeted money for this time, and went back to experience my days of youth to learn to live with more time and less money. Caretaking an old northern property for someone was what gave me separation from deaths of people and my 25 year business ( and the money was appreciated but not going to carry me far).

    I had time to heal and find resolution in mourning, in loss, in regret, and in the loss of much of my identity.

    I have, for the first time since 1988, the freedom to choose my life. It is true freedom and truly living.

    It can be truly horrifying to wake up to this new world having decided to leave the other behind.

    But the old had grown toxic to a degree that I do believe it would have killed me sooner than later.

    Starting again pretty much ground floor, alone, in a place where I know few having left old friends/acquaintances behind, knowing they are an innocent toxic quicksand for me now…. Eh, it is simply up to me and the Force.

    But it also feels like there is a sway in these times, and I am not alone in catching a ride on it?


    Excellent revelations on Time (and Healing) as a currency. We spend Time at a constant rate, but do not always place the same value on it. Unless I am with family and friends with a smile on my face, unless I am working hard to help someone else, unless I am working hard on bettering myself, then I feel I am just throwing this currency out the window.

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