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September 5, 2017 at 8:45 pm #194364ArchmarasParticipant
To me, a good deed is only a beneficial action if there are no good intentions behind it. Intention makes all the difference. If you feed the poor so you can get a photo op you’re not doing a good deed, you’re doing a deed that looks good for personal gain.September 28, 2017 at 3:57 am #194401ArchmarasParticipant
As a general expansion of this journal I’m going to begin talking about things I’m having trouble with in daily life in the hopes that someone may come in with an answer or that using the journal as a sounding board produces an answer.
My latest problem, and if I’m honest the same problem I’ve had my whole life, has become “How do I make people do what I want without using force?” Something like leaving me alone is the most usual necessity.September 28, 2017 at 6:31 pm #194402ArchmarasParticipant
Now that I have more time to devote to typing this out I will. The problem is people want to assert their will over me and make me do things or fit into their categories of normal. For example they want me to leave and won’t stop pestering me until I get up and walk off. Used to I would just do that, but I’ve gained a bit of self worth since then and realized I have as much right to be there as they do. The problem is I’m not going to enjoy myself if I stay because they will continue to try and make me leave, but I know if I walk off it will just continue. Violence and force are the only ways I’ve seen have any effect on making them quit, but it’s also not an option in most circumstances, nor do I feel it should be required. Standing my ground is easy enough, but you can only stand so long under pressure. How do you remove that pressure?October 7, 2017 at 7:33 am #194415ArchmarasParticipant
It’s gotten bad and I see no way to make it stop. The boss got ticked at what he was seeing and made an announcement for it to stop, but we’ve been through several bosses all making the same threats and it never has any effect, so the pressuring, tormenting, and frankly bullying will continue until I can find a way to push back without getting myself into trouble with the bosses. The main person behind the attacks has begun spreading rumors about me that are untrue but also impossible to disprove and for some reason everyone around him listens to him as a god so he has begun turning others against me so he doesn’t have to do anything directly. It feels like checkmate, but I’m tired of being pushed away from every community I join. I can’t figure out why but every community I join pushes me out either for disagreeing with me or just not liking me. I feel this is something I need to discover to prevent it in the future, but I also need to discover why it matters so much to me that these people have a high opinion of me. I care nothing for them, yet I feel betrayed and hated because I don’t have their respect, despite no one else having their respect either.
I am tired and very I’m balanced by all this. How do you keep your center when everyone around you is attempting to unbalance you? Balance of give and take is necessary for a balanced healthy mind and spirit, and giving is easy enough with so many people willing to take, but how do you balance it out with take when no one is willing to give up what should be yours? (Respect, caring, common courtesy, etc.) Do you instead maintain balance by meeting their hostility with your own or do you push harder? If you push harder how do you remain in the good graces of those that make the rules. Should we ignore the rules if they are unjust against us? This seems counterproductive and self-destructive, but I see no other options than lowering your levels of give or forcing higher levels of take.
I really hope someone will respond to this, I am having serious trouble with this and have been brought to tears at least once. If this continues my current work situation will have to change and I cannot afford such a change.October 9, 2017 at 12:16 pm #194423YoshioModerator
First of I do hope that Jax and Kol Drake will come back to You as well as they are normally much better with giving some advice in such situations.
I only can say that I feel I can understand You and your situations as I had been in a similar one back in the time when I had been at secondary modern school. Back at that time no one would have been talking about bullying or things like that but that had been what exactly happened to me and I, besides pushing through it, couldn’t see a way out nor a way of how to improve the situation for myself. Luckily the situation cleared itself somehow by itself as secondary modern school is limited to four years and after that I came into a completely new surrounding and the whole things changed completely for me.
Therefore my only “advice” is that what has helped me back then had been working on my self-esteem and self-respect, understanding my own value and learning to give less about the opinions of others and their feelings towards me. This isn’t easy and holds its own risks but as had been written in the other posts and threads to which You replied lately, it is a lot about learning to care more about You and yourself and giving less for what others think, do and need.
For this Jax has some good tools which can be of great help and Kol Drake has a lot of life experience and that is why I do hope that they will post here as well. If not, don’t hesitate to drop them a line.
Last but not least and although You might not want to hear this or want to consider this, but maybe this is the odd way the Force, the Universe wants You to understand that You are not where You should be. Sometimes the hints the Force, the Universe is giving us can be very tiny but sometimes the can go into extremes at which we will start to questions us: “Why always me?”; “Why all that again?” and so on. I feel that latest then it is, seriously, time to check back with one’s self if really and honestly things are still the way we wanted them to be or if we are not already and maybe even completely off track but still too much of fear to accept it so that we could see it ourselves.
For now I do wish You all the best and that things clear up for You and new options show up for You! :meditateOctober 9, 2017 at 5:09 pm #194424ArchmarasParticipant
I know this is not where I want to be, but it’s where I have to be in order to get where I want to be. Sad paradox. As for working on self-respect, I’m actively doing that, but it’s undeniable that humans are social creatures. We need others in some capacity to live a fulfilled life. So when someone comes in and starts turning people against you at no fault of your own it becomes a deprivation of basic human needs. This is real modern evil, but one that cannot be fought directly. How do you eliminate evil that hides behind a veil of “I’ve done nothing wrong.”
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