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  • #138428
    Jax
    Keymaster

    What triggers your anger?  I’m sure there are various things depending on the day, but what consistently sets you off?  And then, what do you do to counter that?

    I ask because, over the past few days I’ve been getting frustrated with students I tutor online.  One student in particular got me quite mad.  They weren’t listening, they would go off on tangents that would waste a ton of time, and then went over time so I wasn’t getting paid.  All of this created a lot of frustration and made me angry. 

    Unfortunately, I couldn’t remove myself from the situation, it was my job.  I vented a little.  I yelled at my screen to release the energy.  I tried to breathe, but couldn’t calm down enough before they would piss me off again.  So, I know if I were more conscious and aware, I could stay more calm throughout.  However, I didn’t have the time to get completely calm.

    What this teaches me is to meditate more, and to work on mindfulness so I don’t need as much time to calm down.  Then I can keep my anger and frustration in check. 

    I just wanted to share my experiences with you guys.  I think it’s important to admit our weakness, and share what we learn from them.  There’s nothing wrong with them.  We simply need to be mindful and address what we see.  I’ve been on this path for 5 years now, and there are still things that I struggle with often.  For me it’s people who doesn’t listen when they are to be learning something and also those who drive dangerously.  What are your triggers?

    #143985
    inari
    Participant

    I don’t like being nagged, that makes me angry, especially when its over a period of time. So my children make me angry when we go out somewhere and I get ‘Mum, I want this, I want that’, my older boy does this constantly and after a 1/2 hr or so it gets to me. Another example is when I’m working hard on something at work but its not being done fast enough to suit a supervisor or client.

    #143995
    Kai-An
    Participant

    When I really need something and people insist on taking it. I know it sounds silly, but I *need* chocolate when I’m stressed or it’s that time of the month, and I get really angry when my brother eats it all. I try not too, as it’s just food, but I do anyway.

    Or when people try to mother me.

    #144000
    Jacen
    Participant

    I personally don’t believe in the whole “there is no emotion, there is peace” thing, because emotions are a natural part of us.

    I wouldn’t look at your reaction as negative, Jax.  You had good reason to be angry.  The trick, as I see it, is not simply to prevent your emotion from ever occuring, but rather to focus that emotion into positive action.  As opposed to allowing your anger to take control of you or ignoring it all together, you could, for example, direct the energy of your anger to explaining to the student that they are wasting your time, and making it clear that you won’t put up with it.

    Emotions aren’t postive or negative, but what we do about them is.

    #144001
    Jax
    Keymaster

    I agree.  It was negative because it kept me from doing my job more effectively.  It wasn’t negative just because I got angry.  Anger is very useful when you’re in a depressed state for instance because it is a state of higher energy and helps get you moving. 

    So, what I’m talking about is the Anger that lowers your energy state, from one of calmness, happiness, etc to being focused on just what you’re angry about.  This is negative because it isn’t useful at all.  It can quickly turn a situation into something dangerous if you aren’t careful and release the anger. 

    Emotions don’t go away when ignored. They fester and build until released at a later time, usually as an overreaction to something minor.  We have to apply mindfulness to emotions, see them for what they are, and then release them. 

    What happened in my case is I didn’t have enough time to do that process properly.  That’s why I need to work on it, so I don’t reach that state again.  You see, the better you become at releasing the emotions mindfully, the faster it can occur, until you’re noticing them as soon as they come up, and releasing them before they even express to the outside world.  That’s what I mean about preventing.  Not suppression.  That’s what we typically do, and that causes all sorts of disease and unhappiness.

    But thank you for the reminder to clarify this point.

    #144004
    Angelus
    Moderator

    The anger with a positive spin is what many in my circle have called “righteous anger.” That was forces you to work against and unjust system – be it poverty, pollution, etc. That anger that has negative affects is what I have found to be “extreme frustration.” The deciding factor with both is the ability and amount of control that one can use.

    What has consistently made me ANGRY (frustrated) is city driving. I find pedestrians walking as if there were no cars. Other motorist are not yielding when they should. Any change of weather makes people forget how to drive. The list goes on. It took me a while to realize why I would get so frustrated. It’s not that I’m a punctual person, which I am. It’s that I like to make efficient use of my time and so when there is any delay (traffic), I feel ineffective. What I have started doing is giving myself one-handed massages, listen to radio dramas, and even learning a language. (I do not do the books on tape because I like to read rather than have something read to me.)

    #144010
    Icarus
    Participant

    I agree with what all of you have said, and can very much sympathize with Inari.  :D

    What makes me angry? There really isn’t all that much that does make me angry. I get frustrated, but I usually get bored with whatever it is that is frustrating me and I just walk away. There are a few things, though:

    Social Apathy- in general
    Violence against helpless victims- especially children

    When I see something as an attack on my family- I don’t mean words either. If I see something that has the potential to disrupt my children or husband’s life, that’s it. It’s controlled anger, and maybe even Angelus’ righteous anger, but the anger is there, and is extreme. It took me a long time to understand how to focus on that anger and direct it to constructive methods.

    So, I guess the only other thing that I might add to this list is hateful people that preach their hate and ignorance to those susceptible to their influence. Namely, children… hmm…. I’m starting to see a pattern here.

    Nope, there’s going to be an edit thingy on here because I needed to make a note of something. When I mentioned my family and threats to that family, I want to include the Jedi Family in there, too. I’m very protective, by nature, and when I see a threat to any of you, or what we are trying to do, that anger boils up and I have to focus it and handle the situation calmly, but the anger is still there.

    #144013
    Hybrid Dawn
    Participant

    I frequently get frustrated, and if someone happens to do something annoying while I’m frustrated I tend to snap, it can get pretty bad at times.

    I don’t think there’s many set things that anger me in general, I suppose some things would be oppression created by religion, people who are ignorant and judgmental…
    I suppose it’s a lot of social flaws that anger me. Math angers me, but I don’t think that counts.

    #144017
    Jax
    Keymaster

    actually, math does count.  I’m talking about more of the day to day frustrations.  The things that threaten to derail our day on a consistent basis.  If math frustrates you to the point of causing you to snap at people, then it absolutely counts. 

    #144019
    Icarus
    Participant

    Ah, ok….day to day things….hm…..

    1. My daughter’s cat- We have a constant war going on. She’s mean, nasty, and I hate the way that she stares at me.

    2. When people can’t give a straight answer to a question, or and here’s my biggest pet peeve of all- EXCUSES! It frustrates me beyond all measure to hear excuses. My kids aren’t allowed to make excuses, and everyone else still does make them. It drives me crazy. So, while they are making excuses, they are refusing personal responsibility. There-I hate it how people refuse to accept responsibility for their own actions. And this is an everyday thing.

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