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    Kol Drake

    Something that has been weighing very heavily on my mind about all that is going on in the world is that I keep seeing comments that say to understand the pain that our black brothers and sisters have gone through we must first feel it ourselves. We must first feel the same loss, the same discrimination, and the same pain that they have experienced before we can begin to change.

    I understand on a fundamental level why some feel this is true. I know that some people need to process it this way.

    I do want to say that it is not the only way.

    Everyone processes pain differently. Each and every person has to find their way how to heal. To say that everyone must do it in the same way doesn’t just disavow the healing process of the person who is in pain, it more importantly disavows the original pain by saying that there is only one way to fix this.


    Fred Rogers is a fascinating individual.   When desegregation was going on, he didn’t travel to Birmingham or Selma. Instead, he used his show as a vehicle to show people how to heal and love. He invited his friend Francois Clemons, who also happened to be a homosexual black man, to sit with him barefooted in a pool of water. He did this on television, and did not make mention of Francois’ race or sexuality. He did it as a loving gesture to a good friend and showed people that love knows no color, boundary, sexual orientation, gender, religion, or any other trait.



    I think it is important that people process how they feel right now. Do what makes you realize how we need to change. Do what makes you see the ways in which we can work together to eliminate racism. The key here is to do it with love to both yourself and to others, and a big part of that love is not telling other people how they should heal.


    • This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by Kol Drake.
    • This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by Kol Drake.
    • This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by Kol Drake.
      <li style=”text-align: left;”>I think trying to feel the same pain our black siblings have felt is futile. Without experiencing 400 years of systematic oppression, we will not be capable. The hard part is recognising our complicity in the system, “unpacking the backpack of privilege,” as the old essay says, then actually boosting black voices and doing what they ask allies to do, instead of being performative allies. It’s complicated and painful work, but if we’re ever to approach equity, we have to do it.

    Yeah, it’s truly an impossible task. But having the courage to look more and more at how white supremacy affects us as individuals and groups is critical.

    We’ve begun having discussions with our five year old. There’s Sesame Street CNN which is a good opener. It made her cry. Then we had a talk when watching soccer, as she asked why everyone was kneeling. She didn’t know that people normally stand, she was just curious. And we’ve had talks about why there are only a few brown lego friends minifigures. It’s definitely been interesting to try to explain things so a 5 year old can understand.

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