Jax
I tried to do day 15 but was too tired. Or, I got too lost in my dreams while meditating and forgot to do other things. So, for once I have multiple things to discuss.
First, while I was still consciously meditating, I noticed a few things. First, while I couldn’t really see much, I felt like I could ‘almost’ see. It was like there was a rectangle that was in focus, though black. (hard to describe) It was bouncing a bit, and eventually I either realized or decided it was from the perspective of someone holding a camera and walking while following someone. Yet I couldn’t really discern details. Eventually I decided to relax my eyes and now rather than seeing that rectangle that’s relatively focused vertically, it was like my vision opened to panorama style – mostly horizontal. I felt like I was scanning a little, and then, out of nowhere I saw a flash of multiple lights (I distinctly remember purple in there), as if someone turned on some stage lighting to my right. But it backlit a hill and what looked like part of stonehenge. This was so surprising I felt my heart jump a bit and my breath quickened. But then it was gone. Pretty, but bizarre.
Then I remember having an actual dream. I know more happened, but the part I remember involved two little boys, a toddler and a baby. The toddler, perhaps around 3, was running around and wearing a space suit costume with a helmet. He was having trouble getting over some blankets so I picked him up by the helmet (bad idea). He fell out of the helmet and landed on the floor, crying. I think part of me wanted to laugh because it was so hilarious, and he wasn’t actually hurt. But instead I laid down on the floor with him, rubbing his stomach and trying to get him to calm down. Then, to my left I heard another cry, and it was the baby. I picked up the toddler a bit so the baby could see because it seemed like he was more worried his brother had disappeared or something. Then the baby calmed down and started to laugh. lol It was so bizarre that I just laid there with them, rubbing their bellies, hoping they’d calm down and be quiet. I woke up to full consciousness then.
Then, this morning I had more dreams. I’m not sure where I was, but the part that stands out was getting these letters from Marines asking for help, as if they felt trapped in their lives. Not Marine trouble, just normal life trouble. A bunch of stuff happened, but it’s too vague to remember. At another point, I’m at my childhood home getting the mail. There’s a lot because I hadn’t picked it up for a month or something. I think I was looking for more letters. At one point I got a gift from my Marine friend Sarah. It was a shotgun of sorts, already loaded with a round in the chamber, with no way to remove the round from the chamber. I decide this is far too unsafe and go outside to discharge it somewhere. There is a group of about 4 teenage boys in my yard by the tree. I try to decide what to do when one comes over to see if I need any help. He tries to give me some advice about the gun, but I think it was counter to what i wanted to do. But he seemed like a decent enough guy.
So, I’m not really sure about this stuff. But, what can you do. Oh, one other thing. While I was meditating, I started to get this sound that I tend to get at night, not quite like the crack that Robert Bruce mentions, but it is like a sort of crack, or like a shock to my system. So, when I realized how light and disconnected I felt, I tried to see if I could move energy in my body. I found it almost impossible to even feel my body, much less move energy in it. It was a strange feeling, almost like when a limb is asleep. You know it’s there, but can’t feel it. So those are my experiences for the night.