First, Jax, my sympathy is with you, Carrie, and all those associated with this transformation. There is very little that we can do, and yet, there is so much that we can do, too. It is the very small things that matter to people when they are going through something like this. Having recently passed through two death-experiences with very close friends, I found myself thinking about what we can do to help. I think that you have a good list above, so I will add this list of my own to go along with it. My list is something of an “after-passing” list of ideas, and some may seem to be a bit intrusive, but we can figure out when and where to step in and help.
what I am about to post may seem like very common sense-type things to do, but when in a situation like this, it is often hard to know what to do to help someone. Death brings on all sorts of feelings and sometimes, we are caught off-guard when those feelings spring up. So, I thought that I would share this list of things that one might do to help those that are grieving.
***This is actually a list of things that a person can do to help those that are grieving in the “funeral” phase.***
1. Call the funeral director
2. Advise near relatives, friends, and neighbors.
3. Care for the one most seriously affected.
4. Select date and time of services.
*Ask family and friends for help with this and together, decide on the most appropriate time.
*Again, ask for help with this, listen to all parties, and decide where to hold the service.
6. Place notices in newspapers.
7. Inform business associates and distant relatives.
8. Select pallbearers.
9. Select honorary pallbearers.
10. Arrange for transportation for people that will be attending the funeral.
11. Appoint a host or hostess to receive calls, visitors, flowers, etc. for “shifts” so that the bereaved do not have to worry over such things.
12. Notify any clergy that may officiate.
13. Arrange for music for the service.
14. Arrange to have home cleaned, aired out, and food prepared. This is a time when many who are grieving will still think that they should be up and taking care of their home and visitors. Let them know that it is unnecessary.
15. Arrange for friends and relatives to come by or call after the service.
16. Arrange for the collection of life insurance, bill payments, etc.
17. Purchase “thank you” cards for the kind gestures that many will display at this time. Later on, either the bereaved, or even you, can fill these out and send them to those that were there in the darkest hour.
18. Listen to the bereaved. Remain accepting to whatever they may say, do, or however they may act towards you during this time.
19. Selection of cemetery plot.
20. Selection of casket.
21. Arrange for a family member to be the one to “dress” the body before the service. Although the funeral home will usually do this for all adults, many of them ask that a family member dress small children that have passed on.
As Jedi, we should be the ones that others can look to in their time of need. I can think of no better time to help another person than when they find themselves in grief.