The Training Journal of Beral Khan

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Beral Khan created the topic: The Training Journal of Beral Khan

I stole this from Asta, but I don't think she'll mind much...

1.)  Meditation is part of it's center.
2.)  Lifelong learning and training - of ALL kinds - independent and taking classes.
3.)  Mindfulness to things around us in the Five and Sixth Sensory meaning.
4.)  Giving-back as we may...daily...in our lives.
5.)  Body/spirit/mind lifestyle...  One of health realizing all work together.
6.)  Willingness to defend the planet ecologically, people and animals from harm, and in
      following the laws so long as they are just.  Defending the ability to speak-up and
      change what is not just ecologically, legally, politically, economically.
7.)  Humility and respect towards all...  But not play-acting, not over-done pretend monk
      stuff - but in our real daily lives.

I am working on meditating 2 times a day for 10-15 minutes once in the morning and once in the evening.

I, too am a Human on the Jedi Path.  I will tell people I am a jedi realist for lack of short generic term.

9/14/08 11:30am CST
I meditated this morning for about 10 minutes. My focus was on the Jedi Code with Ohm in between lines.
Example:

Breathe in
Breathe out: 'There is no Emotion'
Breathe in: 'There is Peace'
Breath out: 'Ohm'
Breathe in

This is to release the 'negative' and bring in the 'positive' as well as resonate with the sound of the Universe.

This is a weekend we have our teenagers.  Our youngest has to work today at 3 and we must return all of them to the respective other homes as well as her to work around that time.

I am STILL too defensive when it comes to my wife.  After 11 years of marriage you would think that would have passed.  However, I am still far too aware of her feelings when I should simply let her have them as they are HERS to deal with, as mine belong to myself. 
I will be focusing on better reactions when I sense her disgruntlement.

I used to trust my force of Will.
Now I trust in the will of the Force.

Jedi Communication? Well its removing assumptions, questioning the absolutes, and asking for clarity of statements.
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Beral Khan replied the topic: Re: The Training Journal of Beral Khan

I didn't get to meditate today.  With my wife's schedule being a bit different than normal, I'm working towards trying adapt. :)  But I did walk for a mile today.  I am re-reading 'I-Jedi' as there are some really great bits of wisdom within it.  Now that I know how it ends, I am reading for more 'mining' than anything.

Im now looking to get Toltec classes.  I've read about the teachings of Don Consteaneda (I know I'm spelling that wrong).  Now I'm going to do some research into them to see what items of value I can find to use on my educational path.

I used to trust my force of Will.
Now I trust in the will of the Force.

Jedi Communication? Well its removing assumptions, questioning the absolutes, and asking for clarity of statements.
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Beral Khan replied the topic: Re: The Training Journal of Beral Khan

I meditated this morning and evening.  Still reading I-Jedi.  Its been a rough week and we're only at the half way mark.  I've been seeing my dad once a week.  Visiting with him and interacting with him is not easy for me.  He's nearly 80 with a 100 year old body.
His retirement facility is a nice one and they take good care of him.  But it is not easy to see him in such a state.  While he did what he felt was best to raise us 3 kids on his own, he was never three emotionally for us.  So now that I'm in the role as care giver, I am a bit at odds with how best to relate to him.

This definitely is an area in which I can learn to be open and feel in an effort to better understand him.

I used to trust my force of Will.
Now I trust in the will of the Force.

Jedi Communication? Well its removing assumptions, questioning the absolutes, and asking for clarity of statements.
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Beral Khan replied the topic: Re: The Training Journal of Beral Khan

I slept in late with my wife today.  Smells like an awesome breakfast awaits me downstairs. :)  With our schedules going to a bit more normal for next week, I hope to regain my personal one as well with work outs and meditations happening at regular times. :)

Sounds like its time to eat - more later on training stuff.

I used to trust my force of Will.
Now I trust in the will of the Force.

Jedi Communication? Well its removing assumptions, questioning the absolutes, and asking for clarity of statements.
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Beral Khan replied the topic: Re: The Training Journal of Beral Khan

I have been meditating in the mornings and evenings this week.  I also worked out yesterday and have plans to do so tomorrow.

Still reading 'I-Jedi.'

I have Rocky Horror coming up.  This will be my last Rocky Horror.  For the last 9 years I've hosted and played parts for the show.

As host, I was sex in platform boots.  I no longer feel that, however.  I can recall the energy that I would draw from the audience and then, amplified, send back at them in such ways they would squirm.

And as I recall this, I recognize the dark and base thoughts that I would entertain in an effort to make them squirm.  It was me playing in the Dark Side and making them swim in those warm waters of sins of the flesh.

I could literally look at someone and they would shudder... I could touch them and make them wiggle.

I no longer feel that.  I recognize I could open myself up to them again, feeding on their dark refrain; pouring back to them a lust they only read about.  I could.  But I have no desire to do so.

Part of me doesn't even want to host this final time, but I have committed to doing so.  The showman in me recognizes that to not go out there and give them what they want would be cheating them, but the Jedi in my recognizes its wrong.

So, I will go out there and be fun and charming.  But I cannot see myself being that person I have been in the past.  I don't know if I care if it bothers them.

I used to trust my force of Will.
Now I trust in the will of the Force.

Jedi Communication? Well its removing assumptions, questioning the absolutes, and asking for clarity of statements.
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Jax replied the topic: Re: The Training Journal of Beral Khan

Wrong?  they come for that experience.  Is it really wrong to engage or be exposed to the desires of the flesh?  Why do you feel it would be? 

From my perspective, it's an exchange of energy that is desired by those in attendance.  You aren't harming them.  Just like people who watch horror movies to get scared, you are giving them just what they desire - they want to squirm and be pushed in their comfort level.  I may not want to do that myself, but if that's what they want, it's what they want.  Don't see what's wrong with that.
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Beral Khan replied the topic: Re: The Training Journal of Beral Khan

The following is a stream of consciousness response:
For ME it is wrong because it takes me into places and feelings that are not conducive for my life. 

I'm all for healthy sexual lives where all parties involved are agreed to have a good time.

But, when I am up there and begin to feel that energy and use it, I become dark scary sexy and disturbing.  There is nothing good and positive in me when I'm up there.  Something wondrous and terrible, but not of the light side, to be sure.

Everything your mother warned you about and most cops would arrest you for.

So, yeah, wrong for me because of the mind set it puts me in.

It's like a genie in a bottle.
When I host, I recall my past.
Because of the life of monogamy I have with my wife, and the lascivious life I had prior to her, when I open myself up to all of those possibilities within the crowd my mind hungers again for what was.
-Like the smell of food you know you shouldn't eat but reminds you of a time you were eating it and enjoyed it OH SO MUCH-
It takes me to the Dark Side of my soul.
It is a place I am all too familiar with.  I accept that it is a part of me.  But just because I recognize it doesn't mean i want to make it a part of my life again.

There's nothing quite like turning on 1000+ people in a room and feeling it all.
But it is a lie.  Hints at things that wont really happen.

I was at a ren faire in the spring when a girl who saw me at Rocky of about 19 years old - young enough to be my daughter - came up and hugged me AND PUT HER LEG UP AROUND ME and asked if I would 'have' her. The word SHE used was not so polite.

I graciously thanked her for her offer and explained that:
1. I was happily married.
and
2. That's just a part I play it's not really me.

She was disappointed.
While flattering, it is not the sort of thing I see as very 'Jedi' like.  Not for me anyway.

I used to trust my force of Will.
Now I trust in the will of the Force.

Jedi Communication? Well its removing assumptions, questioning the absolutes, and asking for clarity of statements.
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Jax replied the topic: Re: The Training Journal of Beral Khan

Perfectly valid.  I can understand that.  You know whether it's you or not (and it definitely sounds like a good decision for you).  I bet you didn't expect that understanding to come with your Jedi training!  :-)

As a side note, I hope you don't feel guilty about what you did in the past however.  You learned a lot because of it, and everyone did go in knowing what they wanted.  :-)
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Beral Khan replied the topic: Re: The Training Journal of Beral Khan

It seems that monday I pulled a groin muscle.  yah. it hurts.

I used to trust my force of Will.
Now I trust in the will of the Force.

Jedi Communication? Well its removing assumptions, questioning the absolutes, and asking for clarity of statements.
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Jax replied the topic: Re: The Training Journal of Beral Khan

Lol, perhaps subconscious sabotage for your rocky horror days as they come to a close?  A  pulled groin will keep you from going overboard!  I'm sure that hurts like crazy though, I'm sorry about that.  Ice and heat!
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