Jax Training Journal

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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

It has nothing to do with ambien, and it doesn't have anything to do with me directly.  It attacks when it sees a weakness in the defensive lines, and also a weakness with Carrie's defenses, not mine.  And this all happened early in the evening, and during the day, not at night for quite a while.

Nor does this have anything to do with our internal life, Carrie's or mine.  It's not our darkness coming through.  This has everything to do with what we do, which is a threat to its way of 'living' and what souls it takes and not with our souls. 

Invoking the name of Jesus or God does nothing to this.  Why would it?  That only works with beings that also play that game of belief, and this doesn't.  Some things help to weaken it and slow it down, such as Carrie's tattoo, where the guides were then able to bind it.  But it's strong and smart and eventually slipped free.  At that time Carrie also put a cross of sage ash on the door.  This created a stronger barrier, because of her belief, but it still broke through without problem.  It just weakened it a bit more, as did the process of getting inside her body. 

This isn't a normal situation.  We know the difference between drawing something to you.  The powers that be (higher guides) thought at first this was just something Carrie had to deal with.  Our guides that live with us disagreed, and couldn't get the PTBs to listen until last night.  This is being handled, and as I get updates I'll pass them along.  But I really think getting any humans involved is just going to expose them to something they also can't handle on their own.  We're protected, and even though it could return (and I fully expect it to) it won't be soon.  In the meantime, a strategy is being developed to destroy it.  If any help is needed I'll ask, but at this point it isn't. 

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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

Sorry, quite tired and a bit scatterbrained... I need to make sure I also thank you for the concerns.  All of this sounds bad, and I guess it is bad at times, but I do have a lot of faith in the people protecting us.  It's also easy to keep the fear in check because I don't see much of anything happening.  I don't feel that much of it either, it isn't like watching a physical battle where panic can set in easily.  I'm sheltered from it, physically protected as well (my super strong wall of a shield is very handy now!) and am learning a lot.  I'm honestly more concerned that Carrie will lose heart and stop doing her important work, leaving more souls to languish in the domain of this being.  I have to find a way to remind her of her warrior self.  She'll need it for more than this situation anyway.  I doubt life will ever be easy for her, and without finding her warrior spirit switch that turns on when things get really hairy, I'm not sure she can be very successful.

Fun fun fun
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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

Quick update.  We are super protected.  The guides actually said "Jesus himself couldn't get into this house right now." lol This thing was talking tough, trying to scare Carrie who was in a childlike mental state following a rough day without enough medication.  He said he was going to hurt her, to make her suffer, make the animals suffer, and it was my fault.  The guides literally laughed.  He was yelling from the distance since he can't get anywhere near here.  The guides also told us that the animals (our totems I guess, not sure what to call them still) can take care of them self.  I mentioned that I really need to get groceries, because I haven't gone in 2 weeks and wasn't going to risk leaving until I knew it was safe for me to leave Carrie alone.  They said it was safe to go.  I'm marked, so there are multiple people keeping a close eye on me in case this thing wants to try something.  So, right now it's life as usual.  I asked if there was anything I should do, like minimizing time or anything, and they gave me one recommendation.  I should pray (so for me, set my intention and ask for support in this) to have strength of will and clarity of thought.  I can't let the things get me down.  Not my occasional grief over my friend that popped up today.  Not the having to wait to find out how this resolves.  Not even the lack of sleep.  And I've done really well in not letting this all get to me so I've been in a remarkably good resilient mood.  Though I do need to get some sleep tonight.

In spite of all of this, I'm doing better than ever.  My will is strong, stronger than I can remember in recent history.  I've been more effective at work, getting up and doing what I need to even when I'm tired and cramping.  It's all paying off.  I actually feel like I'm growing and changing internally.  Usually I only notice it when my actions are different, but this is felt before the actions.  So that's a positive.  We'll see how this plays out.  If this is the calm before the storm, I'm going to do my best to be ready.
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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

Things are resolving themselves. I have had a chance to speak with the guides and everything is being dealt with, with no need for anyone (including me or even my guides) to get involved.  This is a really unique situation.  Nothing like this has ever happened to me before, and I don't expect it to happen again.  Even if it does, our guides know much better how to handle it in the future, as that is a large portion of their job, to protect us so we can follow our paths without unnecessary distractions. 

This situation has helped me understand many things.  I'm starting to see just how much larger the Universe and Life is.  Living in a 3 dimensional, physical world, it's the physical that dominates our experience.  We spend most of our life blissfully ignorant of anything outside the physical world.  Even our spiritual experiences are often physically based, which is as it should be - we aren't to ignore our physical body but bring the physical experience together with the spiritual and mental experience.  I've read a few books about life beyond the physical.  The first I read was by Sylvia Browne, who is hit and miss with me.  Sometimes she shares things that I don't resonate with, and sometimes it makes complete sense.  Between her book, life on the other side, and other online writings by people, there is talk of this structure in the spirit realms.  I don't really understand it, and I'm usually told it's not for us to understand when I ask, but I have gleaned a few pieces of knowledge from this and other experiences. 

I think most people believe that we go through our life and learn lessons, gain experience, and increase our understanding.  Many people believe this growth is built upon in multiple lives where we are ever evolving.  But this journey isn't just occurring in the physical.  When we die, we spend time in the non-physical realms continuing to grow and evolve with completely different experiences.  Thus, a natural hierarchy exists in the non-physical as well, as beings gain more experience.  I don't know to what extent this goes.  There is certainly a lot more to the non-physical realms than I realized, to the point that I'd probably feel very small and foolish if I were to see it in my current physical consciousness. lol  But I don't think that's anything the vast majority of people need to know about.  We're here, in this physical experience, to live within it.  There are certainly those who's paths take them into these areas, people who train as shamans, or people like my wife who's path takes them into non-physical realms.  But for the rest of us, we just keep plugging away with our own path which is just as valid and important. 

For those who have read my posts and have felt fear, I never intended that to happen.  I think it's important for those with delusions of grandeur to understand that things can get out of hand very easily, and there's no need to mess with things in the non-physical.  However, I also think it's important to realize that occasionally (rarely or even never for plenty of people) things can happen that you never anticipate.  The Jedi path is broad and can lead us to places we don't anticipate.  Therefore, the training is broad to prepare us for virtually anything. 

Everyone has their own gifts and abilities that they may not know about when they start training.  Some people come in already having had experiences with the Force that they didn't understand or know how to handle.  My wife has abilities that very few have.  Heck, she has abilities that even she wasn't necessarily supposed to have, like being able to hear animals, but it developed over time.  I don't have these abilities at all at this point, and probably won't for a long time.  That's ok though.  I've learned a lot from her experiences, which has allowed me to give other people at least a start in learning to control their own abilities. 

Normally, my life is pretty low key.  My life combined with my wife's gets more interesting, through discussions with the cats and guides.  And only recently has it gotten a bit scary, but I've learned with that even that it's not as scary as the movies depict.  I have extra motivation to train, for a few reasons.  First, because it's apparently more important than I ever imagined for me to follow my path and help others follow theirs.  And second, I definitely have no idea what is coming and need to be prepared for it.  And some day, I'd like to interact directly with my own guides, like so many others do, without an intermediary.  Until then, I post everything I experience for a few reasons, like offering just one example of how weird life can get, and also so I can get the input of others who have different backgrounds and experiences.  I do my best to explain things, but there's a lot of background information that I can miss.  If you read anything I write, ask questions.  We can't learn from each other if we aren't asking questions when we're confused or unsure.  While another's experience isn't necessarily your experience, that doesn't mean you can't learn from it.  At the least, we should work to eradicate fears.  That's what I've been working on this past week myself, working to root out deep seated fears placed in me by religion and society when I was a child that definitely don't serve me as an adult.

Finally, I apologize for this rambling post. There's a lot I'm trying to say and struggling with how to say it since I don't know what people are concerned about.  So again, ask questions, it's the only way to resolve questions and concerns. 
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David (Phoenix) replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

Well I don't have any questions, but I'm just glad to hear everything is OK and will be taken care of.  As far as I'm concerned, we are given challenges through out life that test us on all playing fields: mentally, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually.  I can't really imagine what it was like to deal with something like that; but it sounds like you had the resources and the appropriate 'wisdom' to handle it.

Glad everything is back to hunky-dory!  Oh! Bear says hi and well done  :P

Phoenix ;D

"...who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. " ~ Theodore Roosevelt
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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

Lol, thanks. I'm always a little envious of your ability to communicate with your guides, like other people here.  It'd be nice if I could do the same instead of using intermediaries.  Then again, I'm very grateful for that as well, since I would otherwise have nothing. :-)
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David (Phoenix) replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

Well, and not to make your journal too much on this: it was actually YOU who got me to communicate so easily with my guide.  Because when I was new to this path, you helped me hold on to one thing that most kids my age have long lost by now: imagination and creativity.  I really think that that has helped me the most (for me at least) to be able to do so well in connecting with the Force and talking to my spirit guide. 

*shrugs*
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"...who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. " ~ Theodore Roosevelt
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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

This has been a crazy few days.  Sim friday, which is always exhausting.  ER saturday because Carrie fell and hurt her neck (though it's ok apparently).  Sunday we made up for some of that time and celebrated our 10 year anniversary.  Monday was an appointment for the Texas version of medicaid which covers only if we drive a half hour to the hospital and doctors.  (frustrating, but better than nothing), and then I was super busy at work that afternoon, just to find out I totally flaked on an assignment.  It turned out ok, and we spent the evening getting Carrie's new glasses and a painful but awesome acupressure massage.  From the outside, the massage looked like any other deep tissue massage, but the experience is completely different.  I felt energy moving, releasing, shifting...we'll definitely be visiting again, especially since they're not that expensive.  If you have the option, I'd recommend it.  Then, this morning I was up at 430 for work at 530 for a sim that lasted until 430 with debrief.  Long day!  But, during the last 2 hours of the sim or so, I got an email, one I've been waiting for.  I have a phone interview for a tech instruction job with a company outside Madison Wisconsin!  We'd be much closer to our families, as well as to a bunch of Jedi (hey Chicago Jedi!).  I really believe this is where we need to be.  Both of our families are facing greater health issues.  My brother is expecting his first kid with his wife (second total) and it'd be great to see them all more than once a year.  I'd also like to be able to go home and help out my family more often.  Madison is only 3 hours away I think.  Hopefully I can get a job offer before Wisconsin heads into fall.  Five years in Texas means we will be shocked by winter again.  I may need to wear a snow suit to not freeze. hahahaha

Now, I need to pass out.  I will update shortly.
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inari replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

If you get the job I will send you some scarfs and maybe even some woolies.
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Angelus replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

I'm excited at the thought that you'd be moving closer. I hope you get the job. And YES! One of the first things you'll have to do is invest in some good quality winter clothes. Now you'll be trading hurricanes for blizzards.
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