Jax Training Journal

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A year has past since I was laid off and thrown into the self-employed world. Wow! In that time I have created ways to make this work that I hadn’t anticipated. I don’t know how I’ll do it going forward either. But one of the things I’m working on is not knowing the how until it happens. Instead I’m working to be the energy of creation. Creating in all aspects of my life, not from how this reality defines it but in the way that I do it. What’s fun is I get better at it all the time. I can feel that magic and ease. And then it shifts and I can’t. Lol

Thankfully I’m in multiple classes/calls/groups where I can keep getting different perspectives on this and keep growing. I feel so close to a breakthrough in this area!

Our most exciting area of creation right now started about two weeks ago. My wife is a writer. She resists that label but she is. She’s incredibly insightful about people so she creates characters and dialog that is spot on. Well, something shifted in her and this story demanded to be written. Interestingly enough, it started right after I was working on things in a call to not buy her stories anymore (that’s a complicated thing to describe right now, so if you want to know what that means just ask). She’s now made huge breakthrough’s in a story she’s been trying to write for ages. She bounces ideas off me, I give her different perspectives, and she runs with them. She’s literally listening to these two characters in her head all the time. While it’s a novel and fiction, she’s telling the story of these two women who are alive on some level in her mind, and it’s so exciting.

Right now it’s still getting to know them and how their story plays out. Big plot points for instance, and how they get together in spite of their issues. But it’s awesome. I’m so excited to read the story of two adult lesbians who aren’t questioning their sexuality or pining after straight women. Just normal people figuring out their lives! I can totally see this as a movie as well, since there’s so much need for lesbian movies that aren’t coming out stories or one of them is straight-ish.

I have no clue how long this process will take, but it’s going to be a lot of fun to get done and published. I love utilizing my superpower of knowing the next step to keep my wife out of the weeds and in productive writing mode. I hope to work with more creative types in the future as a coach. To help something come into the world is so fun! And I’m not nearly talented enough to write fiction, or songs, or create art myself! At least not at this point in my life.

Side note, I taught Melody to say “mommy’s a badass” thanks to this new direction. It’s so cute!

So that’s where we are at. I’m working to destroy whatever is limiting my creation of business revenue. Shifting the focus to creating in general and seeing where it leads.
#55935
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Jax replied the topic: Re:Jax Training Journal

This month I have gone to two qigong classes. They have been wonderful (side note, wonderful is a favorite word of Melody's which is adorable). Back on track... Qigong is something I've learned mostly from books, some videos, and one very short class. I always enjoy it but never had an awesome teacher. Until now. It's a new lineage. Details on that can be found at the master's website: www.mogadaoinstitute.com/ I really want to go to Santa Fe, only 5 hours from me, and take a class sometime. But my teacher, Candace, is excellent. She gives us these little nuggets throughout the class. The psycho social and emotional aspects as well as the energetic. And there's this strong connection to, well, connection. To the lineage, and to whoever we connect to.

Throughout the class I randomly feel tears well up, which shows the energy moving in a different way. The end of the class is the most powerful for me. We do a martial bow to the outside of the circle, to those who came before us. It hits me intensely, to the point where my eyes tear up and I could just cry if I allowed it. I'm not making it wrong, just find it interesting. I have felt that before, when meeting my guide in meditation for the first times. So tonight I asked the guides who else was there besides my guide, and they said lots of people. Apparently I am pulling in a lot of people with that qigong class. Past life connections, including soldiers I served with, current life connections...hence the intensity. I honestly can't tell you why I do it, as it's not a cognitive process. Perhaps I need that reminder that there are so many beings ready and willing to contribute to me if I just let them. A reminder that people have my back. Life is so challenging right now financially that I need that more than ever.

Even tonight as I sat at the computer I can tap into this feeling of timeless connection. It's so hard to describe, but it's very tangible. I'm so grateful for this experience. I gladly drive 40 minutes and pay my $10 donation for this. It's beneficial on so many levels. I've never been one for tai chi, and haven't found the right yoga for me either. But qigong really works for me.

I found this class on meetup.com. I highly recommend everyone check out meetup and consider trying out some qigong. Maybe you'll luckout and find a great teacher who lives the deeper practices like mine, who radiates wisdom and understanding. A monk in civilian clothing. I really hope to have her teach our Jedi at the Praxeum someday. Or even before then. I envision having her create month long practices that we practice daily. Then each month she changes it up based on the seasons. It gives us time to really learn it and practice while getting the power of qigong, which is how it flows with nature. Or maybe I just want that for me. ;-)
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Jax replied the topic: Re:Jax Training Journal

In the last month, things have changed so much.
1. Started working for Dyson on the weekends. Good sales training, decent enough money, and eventually discounts on product.
2. Had an incident while driving uber (another driver took out my door while I was opening it. A product of working in darkness.) It took me off the road the rest of the month. My car is in the shop now and I'm still working out how to pay for everything.
3. This was supposed to be the first month I paid all the bills easily and built up for next month. Instead this happened, and I've been fighting illness a lot. So more sleep. Still going to qigong, which I love. Practiced a little at home even, but not enough. My back/hip is really messing with me from standing all weekend. Even taped it's pretty painful. I'm not exactly sure how to resolve this yet. More stretching should help, so still working on that 'do the right thing' thing.
4. My wife has been sick or hurt the last month as well. It's been a long month.
5. Got a new solar client, so that will help a lot. Hoping she can pay me within the next few days but it might take a while for all the payments to clear. That will pay for the mortgage at least, and a bit more. :-) Have a few more leads as well. Might just be able to string a few together!
6. Grateful for my parents, my mom especially, who has bailed us out multiple times in the past month. She's also getting Melody most of her Christmas presents so she has things to open. At almost 3 she won't really care, but it will be fun. And they sent a ton of old animal toys from my nephews so we have a huge bag of 'presents' for her when she could use one.
7. I resigned from Jedi Federation. I don't have the time to properly lead here, much less anywhere else. I'm doing what I can to improve that. Resigning was part of that process. There are other reasons why I resigned, but that's for private discussion if really needed. Otherwise I wish them the best.
8. Colorado is still awesome. The weather has been quite nice. We finally had a good fall and we haven't had crazy cold or snowy weather. I'm enjoying it, though I'm not going outside enough. Add it to the list?
#56494
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Jax replied the topic: Re:Jax Training Journal

2018! And it's already day 4? lol Life goes so fast, it's mindblowing. But, I've approached it totally differently.
I worked through Christmas Eve, and then just chilled. The mother-in-law went into the hospital for pneumonia Christmas Eve, so rather than try to push through everything by working and watching the kiddo, I decided to just read books and hang out with family. I drove Uber a bit on Thursday and Friday, but my wife needed my help as well due to health issues. So I tried not to stress or worry. Lots of people were taking this time off anyway. My intuition didn't freak out about it either, so it was a good choice. :-) And that choice lead to very interesting results.

I normally read a lot of non-fiction, self development books. But I've been feeling a pull to read fiction more to help my wife with her writing. I saw a post that were the 100 lesbian books to read and the very first book in the list grabbed my attention. So I looked it up, read the free preview, and liked it. Then I realized it was on Kindle Unlimited, which has a free 30 day trial. I signed up for that, then realized there was a free audiobook pairing if I signed up for the romance package on audible - again a free trial. And since then I have gone through at least 8 of Bridget Essex's books which are all lesbian fantasy romances, with knights from other lands, werewolves, vampires and witches. Feel good stories that are amusing and interesting. I also read a cute book called Villians Don't Date Heroes, which wasn't nearly as good, but started me on this journey of lesser known books. In one of the last books I read, the main character is a normal witch living in an abnormal place. But what I realized as she would talk about rituals and the connections is that I actually wanted that. Not the details of it, but a spiritual practice that connected me to the larger energies of the moon and earth. So that lead me to my most recent endeavor.

It's been years since I read anything witchy, so my memory was too hazy to know where to start. So I went online and started asking questions of my various pagan friends. I know I don't want to do normal ritual. Calling a circle and all that just isn't my thing. But I know there's a lot of energy available to amplify my intention. So I received some good information, mostly about trusting my intuition, since I was being pulled in this direction. Tonight I did my first 'ritual', even though it's a few days past the full moon. Here's what I did.

First, I cleaned my office. I just couldn't do ritual work in the mess. It's not super organized, but the floor is cleaned up and well vacuumed, the general clutter is out of sight, and I had room to set up. Then I pulled down my salt lamp, which I turned on. I was told the colors of the full moon are white, blue and orange, so I chose 3 stones that matched from my collection: orange calcite, white quartz, lapis lazuli (egg shaped), and a selenite egg that I held in my hands throughout. I also added a nice big chunk of labradorite. Then I sat before them. First I took a few breaths, clearing my mind. Then I did an MBO for ease in releasing self judgment, which is what I'm focusing on releasing in the waning moon. I believe then that I called upon Luna, the Moon, and Gaia, the Earth, along with my spirit guides, to aid me with their energies with what I was trying to accomplish. I didn't call upon any gods or goddesses, as that isn't really my thing either. I had a nice little chat, felt the energy humming, and when I felt complete I did a bow. It felt very good to do something more purposeful than just saying a quick MBO. Then I put my primary stones in the basket of the salt lamp (it's a basket of chunks of salt) and put it all away. Based on these results I plan to do this daily when possible to reinforce the intention and give me some connection time. I also have the moon phases in my calendar so I can now when to shift focus and pick a new one. I may try to do a longer ritual on those days, but I'm not worrying about it.

Another nudge my intuition gave was to make another lightsaber bracelet, after watching The Last Jedi twice. I felt like I needed the reminder again, given how challenging life has been. These bracelets take me about 4 hours to make. I could do it faster but the quality would suffer. And since I'll wear this constantly for months I don't want to sacrifice quality. Now if I can just take the time to make a how-to video I can check that off my list. I have been enjoying having it on.

The energies have been really odd the last few days. I find myself humming a lot. I don't know what is all happening, but I'm assuming it's changes that need to happen. It's causing my appetite to be all weird. And sleep has been a challenge. But I'm trusting that it's for the best. I mean, just getting nudges to do things for my spiritual life is a welcome change so it seems to be a good thing.

Business is starting to pick up. It's looking like two projects are moving forward now, with potentially some others soon. I also met a guy who seems very nice and very interested in being an installer. He will be learning from my current installers and then should be a great way to simplify my project schedules. And we're going to do our best to get into the home and garden show this year. Hopefully that makes for a great year of projects for us! And then with enough projects we have the money to invest in our own personalized lead generation system which keeps us growing quickly.

So right now, life is a challenge, but it's looking up. Parenthood is quite the challenge with an almost 3 year old. It caused some major conflict between my wife and I last week. I reached out to friends again, and we have a plan of action. First, potty training. That is likely starting this weekend since we started getting Melody excited for it. This solves the biggest battle of the day - poopy diaper changes which are often painful for her. And I'm reading Happiest Toddler on the Block so I can be a better parent. I keep expecting too much from her cognitively. She's so intelligent that it's easy to do. There are so many awesome things about almost 3. Her understanding of holidays like Christmas and her upcoming birthday has been a blast. Her increased language, which was already impressive. Her new ways of playing with toys. It's a lot of fun. What's not fun is the other normal things about 3 - pushing limits, whining, etc. That's where the book comes in. And soon we're going to transition her to her own bed again and start weaning. It's really time for me to have my body back completely. And it's time for my wife and I to have our bed back, even though I love our cuddle times. It's going to be hard for me to get used to not curling up with her. But it's necessary. I know it's not a one and done thing, but it's time to give it a try again. I have two massive bags of m&ms for bribes. And toys. I think we can do it. lol

So that's where I'm at right now to start the year. My physical is taking a break, though I'm looking forward to Tuesday night medicinal qigong with a little yoga mixed in. That will complement my Thursday morning qigong as well, so hopefully I start to feel better physically. I started doing the inversion table again, which I set to be more steep. And I am trying Moringa which is supposed to work even better than circumin for inflammation. I only just started, so I will see how I feel after working all weekend. We're also researching kratom (I think that's it) for my wife and maybe myself. I'd like to not be in pain so I can start exercising again. I know I could exercise at home, it's just difficult to fit it in. So it's going to be in there when I really feel the pull for it, like anything else in my life. :-)

Always a work in progress.
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Jax replied the topic: Re:Jax Training Journal

Last night i started reading a book for lesbian book bingo called Strong. It's the story of two women at war in Afghanistan. It was an interesting book, but it also stirred up a lot of buried emotions from 18-20 years ago. I was up thinking a lot last night. Today I finished the book and wrote a lot in my personal blog. It turns out I needed to release some things. It involved a lot of tears, things I can't even put into words, but I feel a bit better. Like things have opened up and shifted. It's at least another layer of the onion in this area of my life. I find it interesting this happened the day after doing my ritual to release. It never shows up like you expect it to. Just like you never know what a single decision will mean for the rest of your life. At 19 I just thought I was fulfilling a dream to join the Marine Corps. I had no clue that even though I served in peace time there would be long lasting emotional impacts that I'm dealing with now. But that's what happens when you follow the nudge of the Force. It ends up being so much more than expected.
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Jax replied the topic: Re:Jax Training Journal

A lot's happened, and yet very little, in 2 months. lol But it's almost there.
Since the year started I read at least 49 books (of varying lengths). Through this journey of lesbian fiction I've actually learned quite a few things about myself. I'm slowing down on the reading since I have to do more with my life than just read, but it was a great way to spend much of the winter instead of playing games or reading facebook in my random free time. Now I'm in the habit of opening the kindle app for even a few minutes at a time. i have a nice backlog of books to read on kindle unlimited too, so there's no shortage or reading material for very little money.

Through this I've tapped into the indie lesbian fiction world. As soon as my wife can start writing and we can have her short works in a reasonable draft I have people who can provide legitimate feedback and hopefully help her get published. It would mean a lot for her self esteem and our finances to get this going. I wonder what her pen name will be?

I've shifted my business focus to be almost exclusively solar. It's stressful when I think about the money, but otherwise it's just putting the pieces into place. We did a 9 day home and garden show here at the end of February. Thanks to my very talkative salesguy, he met an older guy who's really connected with commercial properties and developments. The two of them are busting their butts getting potential projects going, which is awesome. They fill one of my weaknesses. And the sooner we get a good solid sale, the sooner we pay off some of our expenses and I can catch up the mortgage and car payment (all very important)

On the personal front, Melody turned 3 in February. And approximately 9 days after that we stopped breastfeeding. I had started to prepare her for weaning and she decided being a big girl sounded too cool so she tried to do everything all at once (wean, sleep in her bed, and potty train). We successfully weaned, and sometimes she sleeps in her bed, though I think she needs a nightlight because she's started to be afraid of the dark. Even though she's only 5 feet from me, we have a tent over her bed and that is simultaneously fun and a little freaky. We'll work on potty training very soon for multiple reasons. We just need the wife feeling better enough to do it. I will miss the convenience of diapers, but not the battle that happens when her butt gets sore.

Now that we've weaned about a month, I just realized that she sleeps in consistently, meaning my mornings are mine for the first time in 3 years! That means making time for my body. I started going to physical therapy which pointed out to me where I need to focus - core. Not unexpected but it confirmed that my piriformis muscle is pissed because it's compensating for my hips/core. But, I was having a hard time remembering to do the exercises. This week it clicked. I learned there's a 5k for pride in June. That's very doable but only if I work on it. And now that I know my mornings are my choice I am setting it as a goal.

This morning I slept in (of course) but I still did some exercises. Stretches, including energetic tricks I know from qigong, then some planks and another exercise that involves lifting the hips while lying on the back and lifting one leg. It requires a lot of stabilization. My estimate is I can work on this core work for the next 2 weeks and evaluate my body then. In addition, I'm going for daily walks as often as possible with my daughter. Today we did 1.12 miles with her tricycle. (note, forgot to publish, so this was yesterday lol)

Right now, I'm doing my best to stabilize the family finances, then it opens everything else up. I will go down to working just one job, with the occasional uber driving. I will refocus on this website as well, since my goal isn't to work even 40 hours with my business soon. It's just to manage the great sales folks I have and manage projects. :-)
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Jax replied the topic: Re:Jax Training Journal

So far I've managed to do my core exercises every other day, which is still a good step. I'm not sure I feel the difference yet, except it likely flared up my low back more this weekend. Doing the exercises, plus being on my feet all day and driving for hours after will do that. It's not a bad sign.

another thing I forgot to mention lately is I'm still doing new and full moon rituals. Sometimes it's a few days late (like today) but I'm still using it and really enjoying it. And it seems to be helping. Things are still moving in the right direction with business. I'm a bit calmer most of the time. And I feel more connected in general. I'm also connected to a group of witches on facebook that are all really eclectic so there are people to talk to without all the dogma. And they are mostly local which is fun. Many are also business owners and in another group for female business owners locally.

I'm really tired so I'm going to do my exercises quick and maybe a short ritual if I get alert enough. But the fatigue hit really fast so I will likely go to sleep. :-)
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Jax replied the topic: Re:Jax Training Journal

I not only did core work but I did a quick 8 minute ritual. I set my intention for the new moon (healthy body and for protection from the negative aspects of mercury retrograde) and connected with the energies of the moon, earth, and my guide. The moon energy was really strong which was interesting. I didn’t setup a crystal grid but didn’t miss it. While handy I felt like tonight was just fine the way it was.


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Jax replied the topic: Re:Jax Training Journal

How do you summarize 6 months in 15 minutes? You don't. But here's what's important. I've been on a very interesting journey this year. I've become a published author. ( amzn.to/2CQ7Nw5 ) Of fiction no less. I stumbled onto it, and it turns out it has been a crucial path of my self development in overcoming difficulties I've had my entire life. And I'm not exaggerating! I'm going to link to the blog posts that explain the most intense aspects of my journey since I have limited time.

butchjax.wordpress.com/2018/07/24/my-first-akashic-reading/
butchjax.wordpress.com/2018/10/17/more-writing-synchronicity/

I am going to write some posts on the benefits of fiction in personal development. This isn't a Jedi specific thing, but I will also look at some more specific Jedi 'stuff' with it.

So, writing has been my saving grace this summer. I found a community among other lesbian romance writers and readers, and I don't waste my time playing games or worrying nearly as much. I spend it writing and reading a lot more. Even better, my first month book sales were really good for a debut author and that first royalty payment is going to be very appreciated next month.

I'm finding my stride finally in getting enough accomplished in a day to do other things, like swing by here at midnight. I'm going to keep working on it though.

Also, on the physical side, I met with a woman who is certified in egoscue, which is a really cool approach to core strength. I got my custom exercise plan yesterday and am starting to feel the benefits already. I did the plan tonight as well, though it took about an hour to go through completely. I'm sick of being in constant pain and taking medications. Once I get my core strengthened I can safely do other activities.

My twice monthly rituals have dwindled. It's one of those things I'm trying to keep better track of. And if you followed the links above to the Akashic record post I learned a new grounding technique that I need to write up yet and share here.

In short, still alive, I see a light at the tunnel, but until I am not working constantly I'm not super available yet. It's definitely closer though.
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Hilda Cain replied the topic: Re:Jax Training Journal

1) I am glad you found something that helps you, 2) please, be careful. A friend is a writer and just found out yesterday, a lot of his books have been hijacked by a publishing company who does not have the rights to his books. So, please, be careful.
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