Jax Training Journal

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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

I'm swamped trying to get things done before vacation.  I'm also trying to declutter the house which will take months at my speed, but will simplify our move at the end of april and put carrie in a better position once I'm on travel for work.  I've noticed myself being more a person of action the past few days.  I got more done at work, I'm not even wanting to be on my computer wasting time for more than a few minutes at a time (like with facebook).  I've been getting things cleaned, slowly giving things away, basically just motivated to get things done. 

Today we went to a movie (the Blindside, which is awesome) and I was watching as two SUVs were trying to back into the same space, so I hit my horn to keep them from getting in an accident.  Then, while in the theater the picture got messed up, so it was half off the screen.  Since it didn't fix itself in a short time I got up and ran to the attendant taking tickets and told him the screen was messed up so it was fixed after only a minute.  No one else was getting up, and normally I'd wait longer myself but today I just got up and took care of it.  It's really a weird feeling, finding myself doing things quicker.  That said, I'm actually getting antsy sitting here typing so I'm going to get some things done!  lol 

If any students read this, I will get to your blogs, but I really need to get some things done offline before leaving on a 2 1/2 week vacation.  I'll have internet at times on the trip so I'll be checking assignments during that time, just not as often.  Just realize if I'm not talking on instant messenger it's not personal, I just have a ton to do. 
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inari replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

I think it'll be more quiet all round for the next few weeks, we are all busy at holiday time.
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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

I took too much time off (unintentionally) and now 10 pushups is work. lol  I did 10 last night and 10 tonight.  I also did some full body stretches to loosen my back and hips especially. 

As part of my training i'm focusing on spending less money.  The easiest way to do this is to cook at home.  Tonight I made two dinners.  The real dinner was smoked sausage, sauerkraut and mashed potatoes.  Then I made a big pot of chili so we'd have lunch and dinner for tomorrow.  The chili was outstanding and I had 2 bowls tonight because it was so good (and dinner was actually quite light).  :-)

Other ways of controlling spending are simply not leaving the house.  So long as I avoid websites like amazon it's very easy to not spend money.  When I do go out I ask myself if I really need something now or if it can wait for later.  i'm finding that it's easier to do over the years and I say no a lot more often.  I'm too busy to enjoy a lot of stuff anyway so it's easy to put purchases off.  My big concern is the combination of less pay at the new job (starting feb 22) and having to pay to move closer to work at the end of april which will cost a grand probably. 

To help with the moving I'm also going through boxes of stuff and tossing things or giving them away so we have less stuff to move.  Overall I'm cleaning up my life and it's making me a better person. :-)
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David (Phoenix) replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

Well nothing like a winter cleaning ;)  Sounds good and makes me jealous though! I need to go through my stuff and clean it up because I am such a pack rat!

And yea, when I exercised last night I think I got through like...20 pushups and 40 crunches then I couldn't go on so I did some 10 minute trainer stuff.  but yea, I sympathize =]
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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

I'm finding myself in an uncomfortable position.  Before I left for the holidays I had a lot of energy and was motivated to get things done.  I did fairly well while at my parents' house to get things done there, but I think the time with the in-laws killed it. lol  Part of this is because there's so much to do once we got home to get back into a normal routine but also because Carrie's been pretty sick from her medication changes.  Add to that a lack of sleep and it's just hard to get things done. 

I'm not someone who believes in suppressing emotions, but I also don't believe we should just let them control our life either.  So these times of melancholy are a challenge for me to figure out how to break them.  It's a combination of strategies for me.  First, I force myself to do a few things so I'm not sitting around and doing nothing.  This week I made sure to cook so I could better save money for our upcoming move (end of April) and the pay cut I'll take with the new job.  Then, two nights ago we watched All About Steve, a Sandra Bullock movie.  In it she quotes someone who says something about there being something inherently satisfying about filling empty spaces, which is part of what makes a crossword puzzle popular.  I thought about how simple it can be to just color like we did when we were kids.  While a part of me finds it satisfying to just take pencils and color, whether it's a picture or an abstract design, another part of me said "What's the point?"  That's when I knew I was in trouble.  When I'm blowing off things that are good for my soul because there's no practical purpose I know I have strayed far enough and need to get back in balance.  This was a good example of listening to my self talk and learning from it.

Knowing I was out of balance in the creative area I forced myself to play Guitar Hero.  Granted, there is a practical purpose to this because it helps me be less rusty as a drummer, but I didn't want to play so forcing it was actually therapy in a sense.  Plus it's more tactile than just playing games online which makes a difference in breaking this funk.  I'm still struggling with it, but I can feel that I'm digging myself out of this hole and moving forward.  I suspect this weekend will be more productive and things will really start moving again.  I wish I had a faster way to fix this mood but I haven't discovered it yet.  Maybe I'll have a breakthrough so I can be more successful at the new job and enjoy my life more consistently.
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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

I understand how being a mom is a full time job in itself.  Ok, a parent, assuming the parent actually tries to keep up with everything.  This week I've done better than previous attempts.  For a week I've only cheated and ordered prepared food once - Domino's - which was a good deal and lasted for multiple meals.  Since then I've made a single 3 lb pot roast last for three days!  Monday at lunch I got the pot roast started so it could cook for the afternoon.  By the time I was home it was done.  I made the mashed potatoes and even made gravy from scratch for the first time so we had a good dinner with leftovers the following night.  Then I had the simple idea to take the remaining pot roast, clean the fat off it and shred it to be added to egg noodles (whole wheat) and gravy.  It was amazing!  Really it's not much different from making beef and noodles, just a different gravy.  This stretched the rest of the meat for two days by itself.  I still have a little left in the fridge!  lol  On top of that I kept up with the dishes mostly, kept the house from getting more out of hand than it already is, and even did a little extra cleaning.  My nights are very full but I'm getting all the important stuff done.

I won't lie, I'm certainly stressed out doing all this on my own.  The cats are being obnoxious in their own ways.  Monkey's bowel problems are worse again, and I have no idea why.  It smells and is a mess and I can't handle that mess right now.  And Carrie's doing a good job staying off her ankles but they are very slow to heal.  Plus she's not sleeping enough, I'm not sure why, so she had a small absence seizure tonight.  I don't think she knows she had it yet, and I'm not going to tell her.  But I made the decision to knock her out with an ambien.  Her brain is doing so well, it just needs sleep.

I'm also making my last set of doctor appointments while I have the same insurance and a flex spending account to reimburse from.  Today I went to the optometrist and updated my prescription for my new job (and safety glasses) and had them order contacts.  I'm sick of not being able to see when we're swimming, or wearing sunglasses in the hellish sunlight that defines Texas (and soon, Abu Dhabi) summers.  This is not a vanity thing as I fully believe I look better in glasses, but an eye health issue.  Hopefully it works out.  I have astigmatisms and apparently steep eyes so they had to order the trial pairs even.  But next week I'll see how much contact lenses have changed in a decade.

Friday I'm going to my regular doctor for a thyroid checkup.  She wants to see if my dosage is ok before refilling.  I have to admit I've been really off lately, like before I went on ambien and thyroid meds.  I'm not going to sleep early enough, the ambien doesn't seem to touch my level of consciousness, and then I have to sleep in to get close to the sleep I need.  During the day I'm tired until I'm up and doing something.  Maybe I just need some physical activity, it's just so hard to fit into the day right now.  Life is a delicate balance that I threaten to upend daily.  But soon Carrie will be up on her feet again, learning to cook and clean, and I'll have the time to start working out.  Then we can do some things together, slowly rehabbing her.  Ah, someday...you are a very elusive day.

So I'll try some stretches tonight before lying down.  With the audiobooks playing it's hard to meditate in bed anymore, but I can focus on my breathing.  It's time to return to fundamentals.  I've reach the limit of what I can do on my own without supporting my mind, body, and soul.  Time to wake up! (or actually, go to sleep lol)
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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

I just did a few stretches and qigong exercises with my 2 yoga poses.  Then I decided to try sending healing energy to my sick cat.  I could see the faint boundary of the energy between my hands - that was quite neat.  He sniffed at my hands a lot, I'll try to figure out what he was thinking later when there are translators around.  He laid down after a bit and I leaned over and got my hands and energy ball of sorts closer, but then I felt resistance.  Not just a little, like when you feel two of the same magnetic poles repelling each other, it was like I hit an invisible wall!  I pushed a little to see just how strong it was and could break through in a few places, but this cat has one impressive shield!  I've never felt that before, so I have some things to talk to the guides about when I have a chance.  Wow...and now, time for meditation, which is probably going to be a chat with God or my Guide, both entities I haven't spoken with in quite some time.  After recommending it to a student it would be silly for me to ignore the advice I gave. 
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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

Last night, even though it was quite late and I had to be up early, I took a shower and did a chakra cleanse.  I haven't done one in quite some time and I've been so stressed out that I easily lose my temper.  I noticed my first two chakras responded the most strongly.  I'm not sure if it's because they were the most cluttered, or I was focusing best early, or they were just more active than the others lately so I'm noticing them.  In any case it was my root chakra with the most release, actually making me laugh at one point.  I'm still stressed, but less so.  I need to do this more consistently again to maintain balance. I may use a bowl of salt water next time to clean off my hand between chakras so I'm not wasting as much water.  That seems to work when I do the cleanse on Carrie, so it should be fine for me as well.

I've been having trouble sleeping.  I'm trying a new prescription for the days when I have to go to bed much earlier than normal (like my upcoming training for the new job where we get on the bus at 7 and 6am).  My goal this weekend is to force myself to get up early, like 7am, no matter how much sleep I've gotten.  I bought the new wii fit plus so I want to eat an orange and then do a workout.  If I'm tired at that point (hahaha of course I will be) then I can go back to bed for a little while.  But if I don't start doing it now I'm going to really be hurting next month.  Plus, I have to get back to physical activity.  If I do the wii fit after work it tends to keep me awake, so it has to be in the morning.  I can take a break during my training and shift to other things, but there's only the time excuse right now and frankly I think I have to make time for activity.  It's contributing to my stress and sleep problems and will turn into greater health problems.  Now that I'm in my 30's I know there's less time to just let things go anyway and I don't want to end up with bigger problems.  I enjoy being fairly healthy and want to be in shape as well (a shape besides chubby that is hehe).  With the olympics coming up I have extra motivation as well, since it's hard to watch and not want to do something physical - at least it is for me.  

So these are my goals for the weekend.  Get sleep.  Get up and exercise, clean, and cook to maintain the budget.  Finish preparing the course workbooks for the Academy and flesh out the website a bit.  I think that's plenty!

Oh, I forgot to mention the weird thing that's been happening.  Last night I noticed I kept waking up (without really falling asleep) having to catch my breath.  Normally my breathing is pretty relaxed and even.  Last night it was like the air was too thin and breathing was just slightly labored, so breathing was a conscious act.  I'm not sick, I didn't feel like allergies or anything, and my body temp was warmer.  I also felt like my heart was a bit 'off'.  I'm inclined to say it's a symptom of spiritual/energy shifting, but I plan to make an appointment with a doctor after I start my new job.  My family has a strong history of a heart defect which includes a leaky valve and an enlarged heart wall.  I was cleared in high school but I believe we're supposed to get rechecked again just to be sure.  I don't want to do it until the new job just in case it's actually showing up late so I don't risk losing the job.  It's a slim chance all around, but I'm not too concerned at this point anyway. 
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Icarus replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

Jax, the breathing thing happens to me and my sister too. I have noticed that we both do it more often when we are under heavy duty stress, and since you've been under so much stress, that may be it. :)
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Jax replied the topic: Re: Jax Training Journal

Who knows lol

Today I got up and did Wii Fit Plus for about an hour.  It wasn't an intense workout, but I did sweat plenty and have fun.  I particularly enjoyed snowball fight, rhythm parade, and skateboarding.  In any case, it was good to be physically active at all.  After the game I did a measly 10 pushups and 20 situps.  Then I worked my brain with a game called goo world which is fun but hard. 

I had originally planned to get up at 7:30 today, then decided to take a little more time and got out of bed around 8:30.  I chugged a bunch of water between that time so I was hydrated for my workout.  Breakfast was two oranges before and a smoked turkey sandwich after, with smoked cheddar and crackers for a snack.  Besides the two mini candy bars I have done pretty well today.  :-)  Now I'm back to cleaning and sorting through clutter.  I'm determined to get the main living area of the house straightened up and consistently organized before I start my new job. 

All of this is part of me trying to take control of my life and myself.  I've let too many things slip through my fingers over the years and I'm finally learning to prioritize and get stuff done to help me be less stressed.  Unfortunately that process is a little stressful itself so it's been an interesting process. 
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