Adastrea's Training Journal

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Adastrea created the topic: Adastrea's Training Journal

I realize I should have started this a while ago since so much has happened and now I just feel overwhelmed thinking I need to write about it all and it's stressing me out… I guess I can just start and write a little blurb of the experience and you guys can ask if you want a more details. I'm hoping you guys don’t mind the mistakes in grammar and spelling (though I promise to use spell check lol) but while I'm writing I hate having to pause and correct things while my mind is flowing. Other wise what happens is that I take hours to write about something that shouldn't take that long and it becomes more of a chore rather than something I look forward to doing.

I finished the intro course back in April, it was a triumphant feeling seeing as I didn't complete it the first time I was here. It was definitely something I was proud and then that feeling was taken over by intimidation. There is still so much to learn and classes to take. While I haven't been really active online since then. I have been pretty active offline. I’ve been participating in events with the Chicago Jedi. I went to my first Regional Jedi Gathering in March. I wrote an article for the Chicago Jedi newsletter of my experience there that hopefully will be published soon so
I won't say much more than it was great! I’ve also just hung out at the monthly Chicago Jedi meeting at the Hollywood Grill, those are usually fun. I think I missed 1 or 2 due to anxiety but that’s still pretty awesome for me. I shoulder pat myself for that. In May I went to the Chicago Jedi MS walk where I battled my social anxiety again and fought back a panic attack. I was able to take pictures with the crowd there and then got to spend time with the Jedi at a restaurant called JEDI lol. Then in June I went to Kankakee Con where I helped man the Chicago Jedi booth for a short time alongside another padawans and Knights. It was over all a pretty great event but I had to go hide in a smaller room for a bit because being around so many people became really overwhelming. I usually have better control over it but I had cold brew coffee for the first time that day from Starbucks in a size I had no business drinking because I don't order from there very often and got whatever size is large there which made my heart race. I’m pretty sure those two things were connected but as overwhelming as it got I still stayed and that was a win for me. And then last month, well a few weeks ago, I attended the National Jedi Gathering in Tennessee. My boyfriend came along, which meant the world to me to have him there and be so open minded to the experience. While he didn't speak much (he’s more of an observer when in new situations) he participated in the classes and that was more than what I could have asked for. I enjoyed the Regional way more than the National. The regional was more intimate and felt like home and the national was more chaotic and felt like a family reunion where all extended family members were invited but the overall theme in both was Family. I met so many great people and continue to communicate with a few of them. I got to meet two Sith that were very captivating in the way the spoke and carried themselves. I think my favorite experience while there was the pendulum experiment Ally lead. The goal was to find Ally’s husband who was hiding somewhere in the picnic area (which was pretty big) of where we were by the river. In the beginning we were all being pulled to a direction that didn't make sense but It was curious we were all being taken that way. Eventually some gave up, including myself, mainly because I really needed to use the bathroom lol. But when I came out I found Master Angelous (Gabe) looking for me to help guide me. He said he had issue locating Nathan (Ally’s husband) until Ally was able to share their connection with him and also realizing he was reading the pendulum wrong. He told me to think of what Nathan looked like but the pendulum didn’t swing. He then told me to speak his description outloud and then the pendulum began to swing clearly. We checked it about every 12 feet and It took me across the street to a different picnic area but still the picnic area. The path I was on eventually split left and right. At that moment Amy, other Jedi participating in the experiment joined us. Her pendulum lead her to the right, I stood there trying to think of nathan but the pendulum kept swinging in the middle of the two paths. Gabe said you aren’t saying it outloud and when I did. It started pointing to the left. We walked a little down the path and then checked the pendulum again. I expected it to continue to pointing forward down the path but it began to swing directly to my left which lead off the path and into what I thought were just trees. My gaze followed to the direction it was swinging and there was Nathan smiling at me. I know! Whaaa?!! Lol. It had to be one of the coolest experiences I’ve ever been a part of. I am now officially Master Angelous’ padawan and really grateful for the opportunity to continue to learn from him. Anyway that’s a small snippet of the last few months. There’s still so much more I could write about but Im starting to feel overwhelmed again and I’m going to leave to go play volleyball at a new location today in a few minutes. I will most likely be late because my anxiety is starting to sky rocket already but I’m just going to power through it and let my body take me there. Sounds weird but it works for me most of the times. My mind can be screaming and yelling but my body will go through the motions. For whoever reads this today or in the future, thank you for reading this, I appreciate you taking the time. I hope you have a great day.
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The following user(s) said Thank You: Kol Drake, Johannes (Yoshio)

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Adastrea replied the topic: Creed 101 - Adastrea

There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
*There is no chaos, there is harmony.*
There is no death, there is the Force.

When reading the Jedi Code the last words always ring the loudest: peace, knowledge, serenity, harmony, the Force. I reflect back on the first time I read the code and smile because I realize I found the answer to a question I had. Years ago, I used to think a Jedi to be a perfect being incapable of making mistakes. I didn’t know where I got that notion… certainly didn’t get that from the movies… and it wasn't until now that I realize it was my misunderstanding of the code that lead me there. So for transparency’s sake, as I proceed I will first write what I first thought it meant and what I now take it to mean.

There is no emotion, there is peace.

A jedi felt at peace all the time.
I want to giggle at this one because I now have a different understanding. I realize that a Jedi isn’t always in a constant state of peace, a robot, or unencumbered by their emotions. A Jedi just didn't let their emotions control their actions. But I do see why I wanted that line to mean that at one point. As a person who had to learn to deal with manic mood swings on her own, I had often wished I didn't feel or that nothing could faze me… at one point I managed to do actually this. I stopped feeling my emotions… I couldn't feel fear, I couldn't feel anger, I couldn't feel sadness… which was great... but I also couldn't feel love or joy…Which I didn't take into consideration… life lost all meaning and I felt like a living corpse. Fortunately this state of mind only came out when I needed to mediate between the two personalities that would fight for dominance of my body. It had a task and once that task was completed it would allow my emotions to flood back in a more controlled manner. Usually in the way the personality that “won” wanted to express themselves but I digress.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

A jedi knew all.
While I know that it’s impossible for a person to know everything, I felt that the Jedi could make no mistake while following the guidance of the Force. So in my mind, they metaphorically knew all and what to do at any given time. I now take it to mean that it's important to look at a situation from all sides. When you come across something you don't understand you don’t stay blinded by it, you continue to seek knowledge regarding it. A Jedi must always be learning.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

A Jedi doesn't have strong emotions.
This line used to bother me because I felt that the Jedi could be passionate. They could be passionate about helping others, self-improvement/self-mastery, keeping to the code. I have now come to understand it to mean that it’s not that there isn’t passion, there just isn't an obsession or tunnel vision towards one thing.

*There is no chaos, there is harmony.*

I know this isn't one of the lines being interpreted but it’s my favorite and it’s the line that drew me to the Jedi path so I feel like I need to include it.

To me this line was always more of a visual. It's of a Jedi standing in the midst of chaos and destruction and still having inner peace and tranquility on their face aware of all that surrounds them. It was so inspiring to me. I've always taken it to mean that while you may not always have control of what happens around you, you do have control of how you react to it. This is how I try to live my life and what I remind myself when life likes to give me surprises I don't particularly want or ready for.

There is no death, there is the Force.

No one completely dies, their energy just changes form.

I feel like this one didn’t change, more like the meaning evolved. I believe that while our physical body does die/decomposes, our energy continues to live on through the circle of life. Whether that be my flesh feeding another animal or fertilizes the ground from which one day more life can grow. And while I still believe this, my evolving spirituality makes me believe that our spirit moves back into the essence that is everything in order to one day return to life in whatever form it chooses. Truly never dying just becoming one with the force in a never ending cycle of energy being transformed.
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The following user(s) said Thank You: Johannes (Yoshio)

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Johannes (Yoshio) replied the topic: Creed 101 - Adastrea

Many thanks for sharing this with us! It had been a very interesting read for me and in many ways I do feel I had come the same way or had similar takes on the Code, the Code which You had been giving here. This is why I finally favour the other version over this one. The one which says:

Emotions, yet Peace.
and so on ...

If You have the time and are interested in, You can find here what I wrote about the Code and my take on it. Although this is now already four years old and some things might have altered, changed in one way or the other. But I'm still quite happy with what I had been writing back then.
The Code and my take on it by Yoshio 2014

Qui-Gon Jinn: "We cannot control our emotions, but we can decide how we go along with them."
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