Kole Lee's Training Journal

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Kole Lee created the topic: Kole Lee's Training Journal

So, if I understand correctly, this is meant to be a sort of diary-like area for others to read through if they so choose and for us to just.. Keep track of? Yeah. So, first post of my thread. I'm excited to start here. I've just finished my first assignment and I'm feeling pretty great about it!
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Johannes (Yoshio) replied the topic: Kole Lee's Training Journal

Perfectly understood and met. :meditate
Have fun with your PTD and should You have any questions or run into a problem which is somewhat outside the course works, don't hesitate to post it here and some of us will get back to answer it for sure. ;)

Qui-Gon Jinn: "We cannot control our emotions, but we can decide how we go along with them."
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Kole Lee replied the topic: Kole Lee's Training Journal - 29 Mayo 2017

So, a lot has gone on these past few days. In fact, it started the day that I joined the site. I won't go int detail but y trust has been betrayed badly and I only have any amount of trust left for two people. I am not sure how it'll affect me in the future, but I hope to move on and learn something from this. As for moving on- that is going to be a struggle, most definitely. I'm in somewhat of a war with myself, it seems, with my emotions. It feels as though I am being torn apart from the inside out, as if I am watching my own car crashing when I could just jerk the wheel. But would jerking it allow me to feel everything or would it make me feel nothing? Do I embrace the emotions or do I simply handle them? I suppose I'll figure it out. I hope this doesn't affect my studies here as a lot of it seems to involve introspection to atleast a mild degree.

In regards to my studies, though, things are going quite well. I've worked through the intro course rather quickly along with my beginning coursework for my school as I opted to take the summer semester as well. I have yet to actually read the remainder of the workbook past skimming through it and possibly rereading. I'm excited though! I crave learning at every turn and I hope that much of that comes to me.

I need to meditate more, though. I'll fall back to the suggested practices from the intro workbook for now, as any guidance will help.

Maybe I'll update this later when I'm not so darned tired!
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Kole Lee replied the topic: Kole Lee's Training Journal - 30 Mayo 2017

Some stranger things have been going on since my meditation session last night and I'm not sure of what it is, exactly. I have just finished tonight's meditation, though, and am nursing a light snack of watermelon and a personal tea blend of green tea, licorice tea, peppermint and honey- a favorite of mine. I don't think it's the the tea giving me the issues, though, as I've drank this for a long time now.

My issues started last night after meditating, like I said. I had come out of my meditative state feeling better than I ever have- I twitched less during it (I don't know why. I've always twitched during meditation), I felt the most relaxed and free I ever had, I ended up losing some track of time. It was euphoric. This morning, I had some light fruits for breakfast and still felt rather amazing- my mind was clear, I felt so relaxed and at peace, I felt as if I had transcended to higher realm. It was as if I had detached from all negativity.

This held up until after my first class of the day when I ate once more- a sandwich, carb and protein heavy. Suddenly, I felt so heavy and darkened and it brought my mental balance, well, out of balance. I didn't feel physically heavy- just mentally. It persisted through the day.

During my most recent meditation session, though, things felt different. I could relax, sure, but I was utterly stuck in the state I was in- I could feel the weight of my body and I could not move. There was no movement of genuine energy through my body as it seemed that it was stagnant. I couldn't open my eyes, couldn't move my tongue. I did not twitch, I felt no tingle. It was exhausting and I feel heavy yet again. Any one have any ideas on what is happening?

In regards to my studies, I am mostly done with the intro course and am simply waiting for feedback and responses. No rushes, of course, I work very quickly and cannot expect the world to move at my speed. In the meantime, I've been reading from the library here and studying intensively- mostly on the Codes and some 'standards' for those in the Jedi path. I seek structure in my life and perhaps setting a rigorous schedule and personal code of conduct based on those sort of things will be very beneficial to me. Of course, I will need to research examples of this in the Jedi community- everyone is different so I suppose I'll see where my research takes me.
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Johannes (Yoshio) replied the topic: Kole Lee's Training Journal

I'm not all that professional when it comes down to meditation and what can have an influence on it and why or in which way but the feeling I got from what You wrote is that actually through the higher attention, the higher awareness You gained through your mediation this might have made You more aware of, more sensitive for that actually, and here if have to make a wild guess, the sandwich wasn't either that fresh or included something which your body actually don't like and that was the way your body tried to reply to You, come back to You and let You know that this isn't any good.
What You can try is to ask yourself if it had been the whole sandwich which caused this feeling of heaviness or if it is something or someone else and then let go of it and see what comes back. Don't actively search for an answer, just be aware and listen to whatever shows up.

Qui-Gon Jinn: "We cannot control our emotions, but we can decide how we go along with them."
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Sam Thift replied the topic: Kole Lee's Training Journal - 30 Mayo 2017

Just a thought...

It may not be as much of an "issue" with meditation or what you are eating, as it is simply with school itself. I have always felt HUGE weights when going through school, especially to start or finish off any semester. It always seemed to me to be that looming unfinished task issue, where I am constantly feeling slow and stressed until I accomplish each assignment.

I did my undergrad work, start to finish, in just over 2 calendar years, while working full-time, with an infant/toddler in the House, and maintained a straight 4.0 GPA all the way through...but not without any headaches! I got into my Master's work, still working full-time, and kept the 4.0 GPA up through about 3/4 of my credits...then I slacked off one semester, and bombed out of a class with a B+, breaking my streak of perfection. Ever since, I have slowly been trudging along and am just now finally one more requirement away from completing it...almost 4 years later...

School is school, and the only way around it is straight through it. You seem to be balancing things better than I ever did, mentally. Careful regard to eating properly, resting properly, and your work in meditation should help out, TONS! One thing I did to help keep on track without feeling overburdened/"heavy" was to take 5-10 minutes each day and just write down my goals and reaffirm what it was I wanted to accomplish by completing my education. Most days were near repetitions of each other, but continually reaffirming that the struggles I was going through would be worth it really helped get through the muck of it all day in and day out.

Just some thoughts...
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Johannes (Yoshio) replied the topic: Kole Lee's Training Journal

Finally I managed to work through all your assignment and I would like to kindly ask You to come back to my replies and answer the follow-up questions and comments I had for You.
Besides that there is one more thing for You to do before You officially finished the Introduction Course which is filling in and presenting your PLP. If You don't feel comfortable to attach it here, You also can send it via e-mail. Just be aware of that I don't know about Atticus's situation and how active he can check your PLP. Therefore I would recommend that, if You send it directly to me, to also put me in CC. As soon as you PLP is all set and well, You are good to go and carry on with the next courses. :meditate

Qui-Gon Jinn: "We cannot control our emotions, but we can decide how we go along with them."
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Jax replied the topic: Kole Lee's Training Journal

Hi Kole,
you are going to learn some techniques in Jedi Studies to use when you feel heaviness of any kind. For right now, do this. For every thought, feeling emotion, etc, ask, Who does this belong to? If just asking the question lightens it up at all, it isn't yours. It's just something you're picking up on and not realizing it. Just return it to sender, with a little consciousness attached. No need to know whose it is, or how to even return it. Just set that intention and take a deep breath. Relax your muscles. Keep asking the question to get it to lighten further. And do the expansion exercise you'll learn in Jedi Studies. (Which you will get as soon as you write up your PLP outline.)
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