Frost's Training Journal

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Frost created the topic: Frost's Training Journal

Hi everyone, I'm Frost. I've been studying at the IJRS for about 4 weeks now and have learned a lot. The last couple of days have been very... eventful in terms of my Jedi path and I feel like I need to start a Journal about my training based on these couple of days because they are overwhelming me. I have so much pent up... I don't know what, and I need to share it with people who might be able to give some insight and maybe even support.

I'm going to start with yesterday for two reasons. It was a very good day and it makes chronological sense to start with it.

I've been practicing a lot of positive thinking wherever I go and I've noticed that it tends to go a long way. Yesterday I was happy and I projected my happiness towards others in conversation. I now don't believe it is a fluke (because of consistent results) that when I do project a positive aura things tend to go better for me, as long as I'm mindful of the Force. I probably sound confusing because of how I'm dancing around actual scenarios with my vagueness. At my job I have a large stack of papers, work orders. When I receive an item I must match it with the work order it belongs to. There is a master list at the top of the pile and these papers are organized numerically. So on good days like yesterday I found that I would pick up half the stack at a random location and almost always seem to go right to the work order I was looking for, whereas on more negative days I'm not even close. To add to this, on negative days I try to guess, to THINK about it but on days like yesterday I find my mind is - not exactly thoughtless, but clearer? I don't have to think I just do. Anyway, I understand if you're skeptical about this but I personally feel like positive thinking takes you far, because of these experiences.

Something else really cool happened yesterday that hasn't happened to me before, or it has but I wasn't paying attention enough to notice it. I was working and so many things were happening around me. I wasn't blocking it out or finding it difficult to deal with but because I was so in-tune with the Force I sort of took everything in without being overwhelmed and it felt really great. I could hear and understand multiple conversations at once plus absorb the spiritedness of the music on the radio as well as continue to do my work. Chaos, yet Harmony.

Also worth noting yesterday, something kind of new to someone like myself who is just starting along this path. I greeted a co-worker in the coffee room like I always do and this time I said to him "Have a great day!" with a smile on my face. Not a weird creepy smile. A genuine caring smile. He says to me something along the lines of "oh I doubt it'll be good" in a kind of gloomy tone. I then responded with another smile that "it will be a good day if you want it to be." Then he looked at my a little uneasily and said "o...kay..." and went to his office. Not sure what he thought of me at that point but later in the day he e-mailed me and told me that I was right about his day. That was kind of cool.

I'm finding that my physical comfort has a lot to do with my mood. My back pain is lessening with exercise and time. At physiotherapy the other night I experienced a great deal of pain when the 'doc' tried to work out my incredibly tense muscles. When she was doing this I used a technique I learned in my studies. What I do is I close my eyes and think of how small I am in my city, then on Earth, then solar system, then the galaxy. I basically zoom out in my mind and imagine how small I must be. This worked incredibly well. I believe it's a form of meditation. I was actually at a point where I couldn't even hear what the doc was saying to me and I was able to withstand much more pain than I would have. I can see that with more practice this can become an even more powerful tool.

I'm really enjoying meditating. During my last break of the day yesterday just before sunset I sat outside on a bench and closed my eyes. The sun felt great on my face and the smell of nature was soothing. Being as how positive I was that day, I was much more productive and at this time in the day I was very tired. The 15 minutes I sat on the bench meditating did wonders for my energy level. :meditate


Now onto today. It probably started poorly because I had much less sleep than I needed. Last night had been date night with my wife so we stayed out very late as we only get one of these a month (the in-laws are kind enough to watch the children for the night). There was also some drama happening in one of the Facebook groups I am in and I was wondering if it was really the place for me. The talk was getting a bit too weird for me so I had left the chat part of the group. I won't go into details but the aftermath of that decision put a lot of stress on me. So the morning did not start well. I found through the introduction course that I am majority Emotional and I'm finding it hard not to let my emotions hinder me. I completely understand it will probably be the toughest thing for me to improve but hey I've only been here for a short time. So drama and lack of sleep were/are not my friends and it seemed like the day was getting back at me for yesterday.

Then a friend of mine comes to talk to me (she works on the other side of the office) and she informs me that yesterday when I was meditating outside <insert other co-worker> saw me and ran to tell all the people in her office how silly I looked and was laughing at me. Just so you know, I wasn't even meditating weirdly, just sitting on the bench with my eyes closed. Anyway, my friend and another friend on that side of the office stuck up for me but this made me very self-conscious. I read some good advice today that I will share here:

We are taught from out very childhood to make a name in the world, to become famous, well-known, successful, a prime minister or a president, a Nobel prize winner - but somebody special, somebody. Every child is poisoned with the idea of being somebody, and the reality is we are all nobodies. And the reality is tremendously beautiful! Just being nobody brings such joy and ecstasy that one cannot even imagine it. Fame brings nothing. It is a very stupid game, very childish and immature.
My definition of real achievement is that which cannot be taken away by death. Anything that can be taken away by death is not a real achievement but only a pseudo achievement, toys to play with.
Become a nobody from this moment and enjoy the freedom that it brings. Become anonymous and see the joy! There is no worry, no anxiety. Because there is no ego you don't feel hurt. Nothing can hurt you. Somebody can insult you and you can stand there watching and enjoying it because there is nobody inside you to feel hurt, there is nobody to be wounded. You can enjoy and laugh.
The day a man can enjoy and laugh while he is being insulted he has already attained something, he has become part of eternity. He has entered into the world of the immortals.
Osho


I very much strive to be this nobody. Then I wouldn't feel this self-conscious anxiety. Maybe one day.

Later in the day - around home time - I was feeling tired, beaten, weak. It had been a very rough day for me. Will every day after a great day be like this? Is this the Balance that needs to be maintained? I started to have doubts about my Jedi path. I've seen so many people in the recent weeks claim to be "Grey" Jedi. I personally don't believe in any colour of Jedi (I think anyone on this path is simply a "Jedi") but on a day like this the allure of Grey was ever more enticing. It was becoming just what I had always thought it to be, an easy route. I was feeling frustrated with all the negativity of the day. I couldn't meditate properly on my break because of the judgement I had heard of, I was tired from lack of sleep and I was worried and stressed from the drama going on in a Facebook group. I thought of how easy it would be to just associate myself with these Grey Jedi and not have to worry about controlling my anger anymore. I wanted to be able to lash out, to swear all the time, to choose to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. All under the veil of Jedi - so it was justified.

There's my first Training Journal entry. I feel better now. More calm now that I'm home with my loving family, and that I've typed all of this out. It felt as though all of this feeling was a fiery ball inside my chest about to explode. I don't want to feel like I did today. Like giving up. But my emotions have so much sway over my mood... it can get tough. Thanks for reading. I appreciate this outlet possibly more than you realize.

May the Force be with you,
Frost :lightsaber

It never gets easier. You just get better.

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Johannes (Yoshio) replied the topic: Frost's Training Journal

A very good start into your PTD and hopefully my reply can do something for You!?

When I read about what You did at the physiotherapy, I guess, I know where this did come from! ;) But what I would like You to be aware of is that it is not about suppressing pain but about accepting it and letting it go by giving it no power over You.
The pain we feel is there for a reason and this reason needs to be acknowledged and understood so that we can deal with it and dissolve it so that we can heal from the pain.
So, as I said, do not suppress or neglect the pain but also do not become controlled by it. I guess that is the real “trick”. ;)

Then your quote had been a nice read! Many thanks for sharing.
Taking form that, I started to play with words a little. So the quote is speaking of that we get taught to be “somebody” but that we would be better off with being “nobody”. To me both is true, we are “some body” in our physical existence which is part of the society we live in but we are also “no body” as we are more than “these cured matter” as we are all illuminate beings – borrowing here from Master Yoda. ;)
So, as we have a body we don’t need to be somebody because we already have some body and this body is a special one, as it is our body and this body does help us to experience what we decide that we want to experience.

As for what You wrote after the quote and this is borrowed from the books of Neale Donald Walsch “Conversation with God” and what I understood off of it.
It is, at least for me, true that there always needs to be both, good and bad, happiness and sadness, good days and bad days but what is not true is and that is take from the third book that we need to create it in our own life so to be able to experience the other. What is meant by that is that we don’t need to create personal drama so that we can be able to experience personal happiness. I feel that this take on things will help me personally to develop a more peaceful and happy life as there is already enough drama in this world so that I don’t need to have it in my own life just for the reason to be able to experience the opposite. I hope that this makes any sense for You!?

As for your co-worker and what she said about You meditating, I know that it is easier said than done, but don’t give a s..t about what she says. When it feels good and right for You chances are very high that it is exactly that, good and right for You. It might not be her way, it might seem strange to her, she might even be jealous because You can do what she cannot, but that is her thing, not yours. We all live our own lives and we all walk our very own, individual paths and therefore we are the only ones who are really in charge of how our paths look like. All the rest is “just” scenery. As I said, easier said than done but worth the go! ;)

Qui-Gon Jinn: "We cannot control our emotions, but we can decide how we go along with them."
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Frost replied the topic: Re:Frost's Training Journal

Thank you for the reply, Yoshio. I will try your advice to accept the pain rather than suppress it. Is it basically just a difference of perspective in your mind that leads to the same end result?

I'm glad you liked the quote and I like what you did with it. These sorts of things are helpful to keep at the front of your mind.

I think in the case of how people perceive me when I meditate at work... I will keep doing it every day and eventually they will just accept it as something I do. Who knows, people may even approach me from time to time and learn about it.

Thanks again for the reply, it was helpful. :cheer:

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Johannes (Yoshio) replied the topic: Re:Frost's Training Journal

Aye, the approach is, as I do feel it, quite a bit different as my association with suppressing something is that in the background it will sum up to only come back later stronger and more painful than ever before.
By acknowledging the pain, accepting it and letting it go by making oneself aware of how small one is in comparison with the galaxy and how small one’s pain actually is in comparison with the self and therefore how non-existing it is for the galaxy, the pain doesn’t get the chance to sum-up, to get stronger, but getting released into the galaxy wherein it resolves itself.
I hope that makes sense to You!?

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Frost replied the topic: Re:Frost's Training Journal

It's been a long time since my last post here. I'm still in the middle of the introduction course. I've hit an unfortunate snag where I have no motivation to do the communication 101 assignment.
I don't have any good excuse for my lack of participation and involvement in my Jedi Path. But recently I have been attempting meditation more often.
The real reason I decided to write here today is because I'm my best to change. I used to lie a lot to everyone, even my loved ones. I would justify it different ways but it was never the right thing to do, or the Jedi thing. So now I'm doing my best to be a better jedi. Whenever I'm thinking about lieing and planning my cover stories I now think to myself "is that what a Jedi would do" and I realize it isn't. Then I decide not to lie. Even if the outcome of the truth results in my temporary unhappiness. Unfortunately I have to get back to work, but I needed to share this. Thanks for reading.

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Kol Drake replied the topic: Re:Frost's Training Journal

Thank you for your honesty.

It is odd.
So many think 'telling a lie' is the easy way out of situations but, when you consider the energy and effort needed to create the lie; make certain the lie is believable; have to continually watch to make certain the lie is not discovered -- having to perpetuate and reinforce it's existence with additional lies, etc. --one has to wonder about the 'easy' part.

Telling the truth -- as you noted -- can be painful -- for self or for those you are revealing a Truth to but, once expressed, it needs no extra effort; no additional embellishment.

But that is me giving a 'truth is white/lie is black' and ignoring all the 'gray half truths/half lies' many tend to use daily. heck, we fudge it and call them 'white lies' so it doesn't sound as bad -- making us feel better even when we know we are about to spin, alter, or avoid the truth.

It takes conscious effort to keep on the side of truth telling. I commend your efforts toward that goal.
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Frost replied the topic: Re:Re:Frost's Training Journal

Kol Drake wrote: But that is me giving a 'truth is white/lie is black' and ignoring all the 'gray half truths/half lies' many tend to use daily. heck, we fudge it and call them 'white lies' so it doesn't sound as bad -- making us feel better even when we know we are about to spin, alter, or avoid the truth.


There is so much to discuss regarding what I've quoted of your comment. My problem was I would call all of my lies white lies but really I was lieing to myself. There are white lies though and sometimes lieing is the right thing to do.

I have a few minutes so I'll go into more detail as to my most recent experience...

My friend invited me to go golfing in a couple of weeks on my day off. I would normally tell my wife that I'm working overtime this week and go out with my friend. This would require so many efforts on my part to make sure I wouldn't be found out, but worse of all I would feel quilty all day and not enjoy myself. So instead, I decided to tell my wife the truth even if she would say that I can't go golfing.
It felt good to tell the truth and I was lucky that she said 'okay'. And since yesterday when I did this, I've been telling the truth more often and it feels much better to have a cleaner conscience.

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Frost replied the topic: Re:Frost's Training Journal

I'm almost finished the Introduction class but the last thing I'm to do is make a plan for myself that involves going out and doing things involving other people. This has greatly impacted my momentum regarding my training as I don't want to take my training in that direction.
I'm wondering if after going through the introduction course (which I learned a lot from and enjoyed greatly) maybe the IJRS is not the Jedi academy for me. I really just want to focus on improving my meditation and having an online community to share my journey with and to get feedback, ideas and support from.
Is there a way to progress in the IJRS by doing only this or should I be looking elsewhere?
I identify as a believer of the Force and follow Jediism so I'm not just looking for any meditation community, but maybe the IJRSs idea of a Jedi is not the same as mine.

As always, I trust that I will find help by posting here and thank you for taking the time to read my concerns.

Frost

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Johannes (Yoshio) replied the topic: Frost's Training Journal

First of all it is good to read some news from You and see back here.

As for your question, the IJRS is, first of all, open to and for everyone. Because of that you don't need to worry about if it is for You or maybe better said fits your needs or not. This is all your own decision and no one, as You already know, can make it for You.

As You are speaking about the PLP and the requirements in it, we are asking people to name activities which put their theoretical knowledge, which the hopefully gain via studying at the IJRS, into practice so that they can somehow "test" this knowledge for its applicability. If You don't feel comfortable with getting in touch with other people, the PLP also offers options which do not make it necessary to do that. Furthermore, if you really cannot put together a PLP, I cannot speak for Atticus, but I would be fine to still give You a "pass" for the Intro Course so that You can carry on with other courses.

But first of all I would strongly recommend You to go back and read the section about the PLP and what it means and how it should be put together again and see if it really requires You to go out and get other people involved. If You then still feel like You cannot create a PLP or have any further questions, please post them either here or send me and/or Atticus a PM so that we can sort it out together with You.

As a side note, the only problem which would come from not having a fulfilled PLP or better said the requested 50 practice hours is, that we would need to discuss your case when You would be otherwise ready to take the Novice Exam.

I hope that helps and makes it a bit clearer for You. If not and should You have any further question please don't hesitate to ask! :meditate

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Jax replied the topic: Frost's Training Journal

I'm also a little confused about your interpretation of the PLP. It doesn't require going out and doing things with other people. There are suggested activities but they aren't requirements. If your focus is meditation then your PLP could include things like taking meditation classes elsewhere, or learning new styles from videos/websites/books and then writing what you learned from them. And then you would add other activities different from meditation like some physical fitness or energetic practices. But like Yoshio said, these are only required for the Novice trials and not for membership here and study.
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