Anirac's journal

  • Posts: 14803
  • Thank you received: 1840

Jax replied the topic: Re:Anirac's journal

It does no good to live with that doubt and guilt. Did you do the best you could in the moment with the tools available to you? Of course you did. Tell those other thoughts to leave you alone. ;-)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
#52018
The following user(s) said Thank You: Anirac Morgan

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Kol Drake
  • Kol Drake's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Faculty
  • Faculty
  • koldrake55@yahoo.com
  • Posts: 4102
  • Thank you received: 1826

Kol Drake replied the topic: Anirac's journal

It happened many times with my Ex's sermons. It has happened more than a few times with my long winded 'soapbox lectures'. While *the message* was meant to be 'the point' -- someone walks away touched or inspired by one particular thought which was buried in there... and not at all what the writer was intending. And yet, the listener / reader found inspiration or hope or 'a reminder' that touched them deeply.

A writer must write. Oft times, it is one sentence among the many which has the most impact -- and it's not necessarily the one sentence you were thinking "THIS is what my point is all about." Do not worry if your writing is not 'the most perfect set of words ever to get your point/feelings/intent across' -- write from the heart as much as from 'the head' and that one 'gem' brings a smile or hope or inspiration .
#52019
The following user(s) said Thank You: Jax, Anirac Morgan

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Anirac Morgan
  • Anirac Morgan's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Member
  • Member
  • Posts: 120
  • Thank you received: 108

Anirac Morgan replied the topic: Anirac's journal

As I always preach honesty in all things; better walk the path as I preach it and be open about a somewhat embarrasing issue I've been having lately. Ever since I got mildly assaulted (I wasn't really injured, just got hit a couple times and spooked) by this guy right outside my apartment a couple of months ago I've been having issues at night when I'm by myself. I didn't connect the incident with my problem the first few times, but I've never had this problem before and it did begin a short time after what happened. So I think it's reasonable to assume there's a psychological connection there, although it doesn't help much in terms of solving it. I did however see an exercise posted by one of the master's in my other training forum, which I intend to work on as it looked promising for exactly this kind of issue.

To explain further, it's always when I am alone in my apartment and going to bed that I get a severe fit of anxiety. I lived alone for years before moving in with the girlfriend, but never experienced it before so it's a bit embarrasing and odd for me. Sure, I've had nightmares and night terrors and woken up feeling very anxious, but I've never felt anxious out of the blue just because I am alone in the apartment, not like this. I'll go to bed, get anxious, get up to double check that I locked the doors. I'll do that up to three or four times even, because I feel compelled to. And then I'll lie awake and every time I have almost settled, I'll hear some noise, like there's someone moving around in the apartment, and I'll be up to check the door or just peek into the bathroom or kitchen to make sure I am alone. I manage to soothe myself, try to go sleep, and there'll be another sound and I'll be all twisted up in knots again.

To be honest it's not so much the anxiety that's bothering me as the fact that I am aware it's controlling my behavior and yet cannot seem to break the compulsion. The first night it happened I was awake for hours until I managed to jerry-rig a sort of barricade at the bedroom door. That and a knife in my bed (probably sounds kinda whacko), and I finally managed to sleep. I felt pretty silly and foolish at that point, but was desperate for sleep. I figured it'd be that one time, but the issue persisted and I've done the barricade thing four or five times after that.

On the bright side; I am now very much prepared should someone break into my apartment. I can fix it so that the door cannot be opened without breaking it off its hinges, in just about 5 seconds flat. Which would give me enough of a warning to wake me and perhaps call for help. Or at least to find a weapon to defend myself with. On the not so bright side; there's no need for me to do that, the risk of someone breaking in here is practically non-existent, and the fact that my anxieties is controlling my behavior is unsettling and not healthy. I live in a student's apartment in a government rental building. Everyone who lives here are poor students, there's no reason for anyone to break in as there's pretty much nothing to steal to make it worth the effort. So I am simply being paranoid and anxious for no real reason.

I tried resisting at first, but the lack of sleep and having to get up early for work caused more stress so I kind of just gave into it when I felt I had to. But yesterday I barricaded the door before even having the anxiety break out fully, just to prevent having to feel anxiety to begin with. And that's problematic, because it points to the issue escalating; which I really do not want. It's becoming not just anxiety, but anxiety over feeling anxious. Hence I have to find a way to nip this in the bud now and defeat the issues before it gets worse.

Like I wrote, I'll be trying out the aforementioned exercise and I will reflect on the anxiety causing the issues. I'm even going to be so kind and understanding with myself that I'll work through the negative feelings regarding the issue as well. Being afraid makes you feel weak, and that can lead to some pretty self-deprecating emotions that does nothing but sabotage yourself and your own progress. So some empowerment is in order, but I got to accept the state of things first, and give myself a little understanding to work through it. You get assaulted by some guy; it's natural to feel bad about it, and it's normal that there's some emotional tension and psychological after-effects. Doesn't mean I should feel bad about myself or feel ashamed.

I do have to brag a bit about my barricading skills though, lol, to see some light in all this silliness. I simply pull the desk next to the door so it's in front of the door, and have a book-stack all the way up to the handle. If you cannot pull down the handle, you cannot open the door. Not without breaking the door down, which is harder with the desk covering it. I actually feel it's a pretty smart and simple barricade, so it's almost empowering just knowing I know how to do that :P

Always see the positive, huh?
I think at this point in my life; the fact that I can smile over almost anything is a great gift from the universe.

Qui-Gon Jinn: "There's always a bigger fish."
#52160
The following user(s) said Thank You: Kol Drake

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts: 14803
  • Thank you received: 1840

Jax replied the topic: Anirac's journal

Here's a tool for you. Ask your girlfriend to place her hands on your head, or if you feel comfortable, to place her fingers on your implant band (I'll attach a picture) located behind your ears. You'll likely feel a bony ridge or drop off behind your ears, you place the fingers right past that ridge. If you get close it will work though. Then, have her say "trifold sequencing system" which calls upon an energy to clear this anxiety out. If you feel like talking about things, that's ok. otherwise, just let this work. What it does is clear out the energy related to this situation and the anxiety. It works really well on things like this.

This link has info about the implant band and the picture. It's the rainbow band behind the ears. www.lifeactivations.com/the-bars
#52164
The following user(s) said Thank You: Anirac Morgan

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Anirac Morgan
  • Anirac Morgan's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Member
  • Member
  • Posts: 120
  • Thank you received: 108

Anirac Morgan replied the topic: Anirac's journal

The girlfriend is away and out of town. This only happens when I am alone in the apartment.
Will it work if she just does it when she is back, for next time she leaves?

Qui-Gon Jinn: "There's always a bigger fish."
#52168

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts: 14803
  • Thank you received: 1840

Jax replied the topic: Anirac's journal

Yes, it does. And in the meantime, you can do it for yourself. Just place your fingers behind your ears and ask that energy to run. It's just more dynamic when another person does it.
#52179

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Time to create page: 0.083 seconds