StormyKat's Training Journal

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Jax replied the topic: StormyKat's Training Journal

What a relief to have one troublemaker gone!

It's frustrating when people use differences to excuse poor behavior. I'm on the spectrum. Yes I can be an asshole at times. But it doesn't mean that I get a free pass. Ultimately, it might be time for the bosses to send her packing too. You don't need every customer, and setting boundaries will help the business grow!

Until then, hang in there. You are doing a great job. You definitely have learned a lot over the years.
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Katie (StormyKat) replied the topic: StormyKat's Training Journal

Perhaps one day I will stop being amazed at the ways of the Force. Today is not that day.

I have been taking a social media fast for mental health reasons and to get myself back in the swing of things. No Twitter, no Facebook. I logged on to Facebook the other day just to check on the status of my kickboxing class-they are announcing when you can sign up for classes on Facebook. As I was trying to check the most recent updates from them, I somehow stumbled on a Facebook post from a Jedi friend I met at the 2016 Jedi gathering. She was going through a rough friend breakup. I read her post and it reminded me of a few situations I went through. I was reminded of some great advice I got in the forums here and passed it on to her. She said it will be really helpful for her. We then got to talking about life and friends and stuff. We have so many of the same insecurities and life difficulties. It was so helpful and reassuring to me to know that other people struggle with the same social situations that I do. It was especially helpful since I am feeling super insecure and lonely right now. So, I am sitting here feeling better for having helped and unexpectedly being helped in return. Because the Force truly does work in mysterious ways.
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Katie (StormyKat) replied the topic: StormyKat's Training Journal

Y'all my very essence is tired. Work has been a monster this week- lots of upsetting and challenging things happened this week. Lots of changes in store as well. There is a whole ton of negativity and exhaustion running rampant at work. The energy there is just awful. We are all spent.

In addition to a very rough work week at work, it has been a challenging week at home. My parents are out of town until April. The cats and I are getting adjusted to this. They are having a very hard time with the adjusted food schedule. I am having a very hard time with them actually caring that I exist. Not to mention the other things I have to do that I don't normally worry about-cleaning, all the cooking, etc. Plus there is a tom cat coming around marking everything outside, including the back windows, making my house smell of cat pee (unneutered male cat pee to be exact, which is extra pungent).

AND on top of all this I am trying to get myself ready for my blogging conference next month. So much prep for that. So much that I don't even know I haven't done yet. Struggling to find the time and energy to work on blog research, blog topics and reading up on everything I need to know for my conference.

I came home today and my stress levels were just awful. I was hungry, the cats were hungry and swarming. I was tired, there was so much to clean up since I neglected everything last night when I got home from work. I am behind in just about every conceivable area of life (including my tv shows). And I get to get up and do it all again tomorrow at work-another super long, busy, stressful day. And I just leaned into it. I took that stress and went crazy. I could have sat down in bed and passed out right at 8pm when I was done with my dinner. Instead I did chores around the house, I updated my Linkd'In profile. I balanced my budget. I did lots of stuff. I don't know how I feel about this. Initially I was going to lament my inability to relax and let go. My difficulty in caring for myself is constant and, I feel, a big hurdle in my path as a Jedi (because I can't get past the need to be busy all the time). I was going to ask if other Jedi have the same issues. Now however, I feel like I actually did ok by myself. I am going to be tired tomorrow for sure. But I have a head start on a bunch of things (some of which will no doubt have to be redone. My Linkdin profile---writing that after a 12 hour work day is not the most effective).

I think it is time to take my overtired butt downstairs to medicate the cat and put the towels in the dryer then go to bed.
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Kol Drake replied the topic: StormyKat's Training Journal

The house always got an extra 'hard' cleansing when I was pissed for some reason. Pots shined, spots rubbed smooth... many dishes were in peril of being cleaned to death. Heck, I once vacuum'ed the ceiling once in a cabin.. it was nearly black from the small, old gas heater. I mean.. Who vacuums ceilings?!?!?!

?????
I thought "the problem person" left and that took the dread out of the workplace? Or is it now -- one person short so we are all having to do twice the hustling to get it all done?
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Kol Drake replied the topic: StormyKat's Training Journal

Stupid computer.. this was a double entry... sorry.
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Katie (StormyKat) replied the topic: StormyKat's Training Journal

The problem person left. The nurses have been short staffed for months because there are no certified staff (who wants a job you can’t make money at?). One of my coworkers is leaving to start her own business and our manager is also leaving (which has potential to be very good or very bad). We also have had a lot of sick cats and emotional situations like that. So we are all burnt out and underpaid and the stress is really getting to everyone.

Then there are the things I am trying to do in my life beyond work and tending the house. All in all, my stress fed into anxiety making me rather manic last night and this morning. My body was exhausted but my mind wouldn’t let me go to sleep. It was bad.
Grateful for some minor grounding when I stepped outside to feed cats this am. Tomorrow is off, with a shamanic training in the afternoon. So good chances to get myself reset.
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Katie (StormyKat) replied the topic: StormyKat's Training Journal

Well, I took an unintended leave of IJRS. Amazing how life can whirl you away in the crazy. So much has happened in the last 4 months and much of it is heavy. There is plenty of joyful and happy events too. I just have a much easier time focusing on the heavy stuff. The weather here swings from uncomfortably hot and humid to severe rain and downpours this summer. This does not make me a happy Katie as it is all too uncomfortable to go outside and do much.
Much of my focus the last few months has been on my Shamanic journey. I have an amazing Shamin and she has helped me heal so much. I don't know what exactly happened, but somewhere in our sessions and my practice, I feel lighter. Even though so much heavy stuff has happened and so many things are out of control, I feel lighter. Apparently I did some sort of soul healing work the other day with her and I didn't even intend to. I am still so new to the whole thing. She said that if I had lived in a different time, I would have been sent off to Shamanic presechool or something (Jedi training to be a Padawan?) Last night we had our monthly drum circle and I had a hard time going on any journey . I did however, focus on the energy work I have been doing with IJRS. I did the exercise from Jedi Studies 101 "feeling the edges" I am really good at feeling the edges of my body and not feeling the edges. I am a little less skilled with the exercise on becoming the space.

There are so many things I want to do with my time, and so little time to do it all. I hope to strengthen my IJRS journey. Though I feel like I have not truly stepped away from my journey, just taken a side step to experience the Force in a different way through Shamanism.
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Kol Drake replied the topic: StormyKat's Training Journal

You will discover over time that Shamanic work dovetails nicely with Jedi practices... as far as working on your Self and getting in sync with Energy/The Force. Glad you are discovering new ways to enlighten (and lighten) yourself!
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Katie (StormyKat) replied the topic: StormyKat's Training Journal

I am struggling with forgiveness lately. I have been reminded of a hurt caused by people who are no longer in my life. It has reopened old wounds that I thought had healed. I thought I had done a good job with forgiveness and healing, but it appears I have not. It has been a struggle with anger, hurt and temptations to the dark side (wishing ill on those who hurt me). I know it is not proper Jedi trait to wish pain and suffering on those who have hurt me. I also don't know how to heal myself, so the only thing I can think to do to make myself feel better is wish ill upon these people.
So, my fellow Jedi. I ask if you have advice on healing and forgiving those who do not ask for forgiveness. Also, to forgive myself for having such a hard time letting go of this pain.
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Kol Drake replied the topic: StormyKat's Training Journal

The power of love is a curious thing
Make a one man weep, make another man sing
Change a heart to a little white dove
More than a feeling, that's the power of love


-- Huey Lewis and the News, "Power of Love"
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Hate is just soooo easy. What was it Master Yoda said?
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“Fear is the path to the dark side…
fear leads to anger…
anger leads to hate…
hate leads to suffering.”


-- The Phantom Menace

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No wait... maybe it was:
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“Remember, a Jedi’s strength flows from the Force.
But beware anger, fear, and aggression.
The dark side are they.
Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.
Luke… do not underestimate the powers of the Emperor or suffer your father’s fate you will.”

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So, StormyKat... do not underestimate the powers of the Emperor... or... wait...
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I mean... this is like the old tale of the monks, the lady, and the river...
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A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her cross to the other side.

The two monks glanced at one another because they had taken vows not to touch a woman.

Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on his journey.

The younger monk couldn’t believe what had just happened. After rejoining his companion, he was speechless, and an hour passed without a word between them.

Two more hours passed, then three, finally the younger monk could contain himself any longer, and blurted out “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?”

The older monk looked at him and replied, “Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?”

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We all go through times in life when other people say things or behave in a way that is hurtful towards us. We can chose to chew on that worrisome bit of our past -- worry it like a nub of skin around a fingernail, but it will ultimately weigh us down and sap our energy. Instead we can choose to let go of what does not serve us anymore and concentrate on the present moment. Until we can find a level of peace and happiness in the present circumstances of our lives, we will never be content, because ‘now’ is all we will ever have.

Now, to get slightly hoohoo-y about things and take a step off the Jedi trail...

Write down all your concerns, pains, and comments you WISH you had said to those who brought you pain. Send all that pain into the paper you scribe upon. Heck, if you need / wish to -- draw that 'pain' and the 'situation' or grab a photo that best depicts all of 'it'. Then, with full focus and the intent to LET IT GO... burn that paper or picture over a candle or in a fireplace. As the paper burns and those energies / bad feelings are converted to a different form -- so to, you need to let the pain convert-- to cauterize the wound and allow for clean healing? It is rather symbolic... but our brains do tend to pay attention to symbols rather than our own internal rumblings at times.

* * * * *

The compassion of the elder monk to put the needs of the maiden before his own spiritual practice, and his mental ability to then let go of the fact that he had strayed from the path of his personal commitment, without feeling guilty or disappointed, is a lesson for us all. (We can stumble 'as Jedi' and not be damned to heck for all eternity! We can stumble and then get our head back where it needs to be -- living a good life!)

We must not allow yesterday’s actions to affect today’s progress. Letting go of the past is necessary to thrive today.

We must also accept the transient nature of life -- that Mother Nature will demand us to adapt and change as and when she sees fit. This will involve personal sacrifice for the greater good, as it did for the elder monk in this story. To resist this transience will only bring about mental suffering.
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