Tsjêbbe's training journal

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Johannes (Yoshio) replied the topic: Nemo's training journal

It is good to see You back!
Seems to that there are a lot of changes going on in the lives of all of us, aren’t they!?
Just remember that every change, who small, easy, difficult or hard, holds the potential of making things better for us in the end as long as we are open to this betterment! ;)

Qui-Gon Jinn: "We cannot control our emotions, but we can decide how we go along with them."
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Tsjêbbe replied the topic: Nemo's training journal

Yes, maybe you're right! I didn't feel like that the last month. It was a hard time because I still realy loved him. But it was good he told me the truth about how much he loved me and we still are friends. Maybe this is good. Foor my studies, and my crouses here, so I can more concentrate me on these things.

"Little decisions over time make a big impact on our lives.” - Eric Samuel Timm
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Jax replied the topic: Nemo's training journal

Those early relationships teach us so much about ourselves. They rarely work out, but that doesn't mean they aren't beneficial. I'm glad you are maintaining a friendship. And now you can spend time thinking about yourself outside of a relationship. Sometimes the relationship dominates so it's hard to work on the self.
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Tsjêbbe replied the topic: Nemo's training journal

Thank you for the answer Jax. Sorry for the late answer back.
I began with my new studies and it takes a lot of time and asks much concentration.

I'm depressive. Do I miss the creative moments in my old school? Am I still in love with Jonathan? When our relation stopped we still spoke to eachother. I kissed him once and it all ended up in bed. It was good. But the feelings which came later weren't good. For none of us. It happened a few times after that. And we kept telling eachother and everyone we didn't love eachtother.

But I love him. I love him with my whole heart. And know he doesn't want to see me, or speak with me... Move on... yeah probably... how. You don't learn that in school, and your parents don't teach it to you.

I even can't go forward. Yes, I do some "meditation" stuff. But it is not more than stuff. I'm angry on myself because I am depressive and I am depressive because I'm angry... what the hell.

"Little decisions over time make a big impact on our lives.” - Eric Samuel Timm
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Johannes (Yoshio) replied the topic: Nemo's training journal

Sorry to read that!
I guess, there is not really much someone could teach someone else about love as it is a very individual and personal thing, isn’t it!?
But on the other hand there are some “valid” questions, I guess, which someone could and should ask her- or himself when in a situation where love is involved. I’m, for sure, not an expert on relationships and I experienced it myself that this isn’t any easy at all, but what I found helpful is to ask myself questions!
Questions like:
- Why do I love her?
- What do I love about her?
- Is it really love what I do feel or something else?
- If it is not love, what is it then?
- Could it be a kind of addiction?
- If so, how can I get over it?
- Is there something I don’t see or understand?
- What am I supposed to get to know/experience in this relationship/situation?
These questions and similar ones should help to get feelings sorted or at least clearer about them. The tricky part on that is, to get your head free from feelings to focus on the questions and search for their answers with a hopefully unclouded mind.

Finally, try to not blame anyone, especially yourself, for what You do feel as blame doesn’t make it any better! But I guess, You know that!

So, take care and may the Force lead You down the road and the experiences You need to face!

Qui-Gon Jinn: "We cannot control our emotions, but we can decide how we go along with them."
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Tsjêbbe replied the topic: Nemo's training journal

I know the answers. The love is mostly selfish. I want to be loved. And I miss the attention. But I also just want to be with him. I think I just need to get over it and start with something else.

"Little decisions over time make a big impact on our lives.” - Eric Samuel Timm
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Jax replied the topic: Nemo's training journal

all the love you need is already within you. Turn your focus inward, at loving yourself, and you will find you need love from others less. The need is what causes problems.
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Tsjêbbe replied the topic: Nemo's training journal

souns logic, is there maybe a meditation to find this love?

"Little decisions over time make a big impact on our lives.” - Eric Samuel Timm
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Jax replied the topic: Nemo's training journal

I'm sure there are countless ones. One I have enjoyed in the past is the lotus flower meditation. www.parentingweekly.com/pregnancy/breathingspace/vol23/pregnancy_meditation.asp

Another exercise is to look at yourself in the mirror without judgement. Instead, view yourself like someone who loves you would. Instead of seeing all the flaws, see the flaws as just part of you, perhaps those quirks that make you adorable. :-) It may be quite hard at first, but keep working on it. When you remove judgement, love is easy.
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Tsjêbbe replied the topic: Nemo's training journal

Last half year was weird. It was both refreshing and hard.
I helped to rebuild a farm in Iceland. That was the refreshing and good time. Although it was difficult sometimes. But the people were happy to get to know me and vice versa.
The hard time was finding my path.
I began to study a 7th year math and science. But after three months i found out it wasn't my thing - the math. I was depressed, and to much thinking and to less doing. Maybe I need to think more, but not that much in one time. Or maybe I Need to think less. I don't know. I'm just easily distracted from the things I want to do.
So I stopped and now I al doing a 7th year in arts. I like it. But I don't want to study more in arts after this year. Still, I'm not sure what else to do.
Also, I had a hard time controlling agression in myself. I don't know why it is there. But I'm become easily angry. I want to be mean, disloyal, sometimes I also want to start a fight. Need to find out how to control these feelings.

At last, because I had a lot things to do i couldn't concentrate on the Jedi path. But I'm planning things which I Will write down this evening, I Need to go!

"Little decisions over time make a big impact on our lives.” - Eric Samuel Timm
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