Dineara's Training Journal

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Dineara replied the topic: Re: Dineara's Training Journal

Another thing comes to mind. I am very intolerant when it comes to stupid people. Then again, what gives me the right to call somebody stupid? Well, let's give that word some meaning. I mean people who are very superficial, who have never given a thought to themselves or to the world around them. Those who are asleep and live happily in their cage, take great pride in their doings and when opposed the result isn't anything pretty to watch. Those who feel they are better than others, especially when combined with some sort of social standing, and this gives them the 'right' to do things others can't. Those who happily get drunk at parties and start arguing over some song, eventually turning the whole evening into an unpleasant experience. Those who have a 'listening to others and trying to understand them' disability.

Whenever I am around those people I just want to get away as soon as possible. I'm not one for meaningless small talk for the sake of it. While I try to keep neutral, at some point after observing a stupid person (or a herd of them) there's a possibility of becoming mentally ill, which immediately feels in my body. All those low-level vibrations make me sick while I don't wish that. Shielding is good, but then again, it's more beneficial for me to get lost if possible.

Why these thoughts? Aki's brother and his girlfriend had a Halloween party last Friday. Many people in a small apartment. Everybody getting drunk and having so much 'fun'. And what was I doing there? Well, mainly standing in the corner by myself drinking wine. I guess that kind of events are not for me at all. Sure, I can be social, but when everybody seem to get irritated because a woman from a couple of floors above comes to ask us to turn the music down, I can't tolerate it at all. That mass negativity is absolutely sickening, and drunkenness never helps it. "Hey, it's not that late yet. Why is she complaining? Let's turn up the f*cking volume just to be a pain in the ass while we can." Not my thing. Thanks, bye.

Aki said that if he wishes to go somewhere it is better if he goes alone since I pretty much ruin his mood by not participating in the 'fun'. I think he is right. If I have to choose between bad company and no company, the choice is rather obvious. Heck, sometimes it would be nice to spend an evening in good company, but no can do, I don't really have friends. At times I feel lonely. It's like I am so different from other people that I don't belong anywhere. Well, I'm happy in this apartment of mine. It's clean and nice and the company is always good, whether it's Aki or Salla or guides or whatever. Still, some variety would be much appreciated.

I meditated a while ago. It felt good. Got me back to business, so to speak. Now for some energy work to get rid of this negative vibes I got from remembering those events.
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Kol Drake replied the topic: Re: Dineara's Training Journal

I have a friend who calls those 'stupid people' -- sleepwalkers and zombies -- since they stumble through their days with no mind of the world around them -or- at least, not mindful of how they are affecting all around them.

I too have been to a few of *those* kinds of parties and ended up pulling books from the shelf in 'my corner' so, you are not alone in that feeling/situation. Perhaps you should set up a MBO asking for some meetings/connections with 'awake people' who you can join in with. Also a MBO for directing a positive cash flow your way.

Curse not slippery, ass grabbing snow-iness for it is Nature's way of showing you that high and mighty upright monkeys are not match against frozen water. :silly:
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Jax replied the topic: Dineara's Training Journal

There are ways to separate the Experience from the judgement. It's the judgement that causes the negativity within you. This is the tool I used last night at a concert.

When faced with something you don't like, say to yourself "that's an interesting point of view." remember these people aren't aware. They are functioning within the rules of the world they live in. That's a very, very different world than the one you or I live in. Therefor, their point of view is quite interesting, especially when you say interesting instead of stupid or ignorant. Interesting is less judgmental and will help you stay calmer. And then, leave when you can. Let Aki have his fun. It's part of his interesting point of view. It doesn't need to be yours. If something feels heavy, don't do it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - Please forgive typos
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Dineara replied the topic: Dineara's Training Journal

Thanks to both of you, great suggestions as always. And, as I suspected, last night was raining heavily and now all the snow is gone. Yay, I get to enjoy my autumn a bit more. Actually it wasn't a bad thing at all, being snowy and slippery, I simply found out that the shoes I was wearing are not meant for such weather. Next time I'll save myself from a lot of trouble and put combat boots on first. That should keep me upright. lol

I'm experimenting with MBOs quite a lot and actually have used them to increase cash flow. Next time I'm going to put more intention to it. I hope they'll work.

I should once again do my best to separate myself from the feelings caused by unpleasant situations. While feelings are natural reactions to happenings and an important source of information I do my best to accept those feelings and let them go. It's because of those emotions I used the word 'stupid', while I didn't actually mean it. It was just easy to explain it that way, I guess. I've never been able to relate to life like that, in a way or another it has always left me feeling inferior, even when I wasn't so aware. Must be some built-in mechanism that in time has helped me to realize why something didn't feel like my thing.

Comparing sleepwalkers to awakened ones is rather pointless, just because there is little in common between those two. I live in a different world than Aki, for example, even though he is more aware than most. I've learnt to accept that and we work just fine this way. While the difference between sleepwalkers and me is quite notable it doesn't differ much from my relationship with Aki, in a way. I think it's great that learning never stops and I have plenty of stuff to work on. It's ok that sometimes life feels a bit hard (or more). A natural reaction for me has been to isolate myself from others because of too different energies, but I can't really isolate myself from the whole world, so I have to learn to live with others, and while not thoroughly enjoying myself I can still learn to accept others and let them be who they are.

Still I will keep avoiding situations just like that Halloween party. If there's nothing for me and all I get is feeling of uneasiness it's better to stay away. Well, I went there because Aki's brother asked us to go, and I thought it might be fun. Still something gave me the feeling that perhaps it would be better to not go. That something was right, but then again, I got lots of stuff to think about.
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Kol Drake replied the topic: Dineara's Training Journal

heh -- yep, combat boots got me through many a winter long ago and far away.

Not to sound toooo much like a mad scientist but, parties are a good place to experiment on the party goers AND an excellent OPPORTUNITY to work on some nice energy workings.

You can practice tapping into a person and sensing their underlying energy (or emotions) while their 'guard is down' from the group and drink. You can tap someone and see if you can 'nudge' a drunk sober. Or, pick a particular part of a room and raise their energy levels while keeping it from moving in the rest of the room. BEST time to work on channeling external Force to raise the levels of the entire room instead of using your own energy and feeling drained afterward -- become a Force 'beacon' of good vibes.

re: MBOs -- the more you use them; the easier it gets after a while. The old 'practice makes perfect' I suppose. Just be certain to also perform a tiny 'show of gratitude' when a particular MBO *does* come through. Cosmic manners do matter. :)
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Dineara replied the topic: Dineara's Training Journal

I always give thanks when I recieve something. To what, I don't exactly know, but it feels right, so I do it. Practice makes perfect... it makes sense. The more MBO is used, the more confident the user becomes which removes the hindrance of doubt and allows the result to manifest better. Applies to pretty much anything, actually.

I definitely have to try experimenting in gatherings sometime. First I have to learn to cope with my emotions though. After that it's easier to see all the fascinating stuff when the mind's clear. I've tried something like that before with little success, but perhaps now I'd manage to get some results. Takes the right technique, I suppose.
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Dineara replied the topic: Dineara's Training Journal

So did Halloween pass. We didn't feel like celebrating in any way so we simply had a homemade engagement anniversary three-course dinner. It was absolutely delicious, it's rare to get anything as good as that in restaurants. Mmmmhh.

I recieved the Nerd Fitness Guide from Jax and read through it today. It was fun to read and full of good information. I'm just not quite sure what to think of the paleo diet - is ketosis really safe in a long run? Well the fact is I have to start watching what I eat (again). I think that would do good to my body which doesn't seem to be in balance when it comes to eating. My stomach doesn't seem to like me even though I do my best to eat a balanced diet. 80% of weight loss comes from diet, and that was an excellent reminder. Our financial situation will improve a bit since Aki got an apprenticeship contract which we have been anxious over the past months. I'm so glad it worked out! I think with good budgeting we will be able to eat healthy and still have some money to put aside.
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Jax replied the topic: Dineara's Training Journal

I don't follow the paleo diet. however, the general philosophy of eating cleaner foods and making conscious decisions about food is important. For diet, I'd say listen to your body for now. Introduce cleaner, fresher foods as best as you can, and keep making small adjustments. You have your intuition and guides to assist you as well. He doesn't (that I know of). ;-)
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Dineara replied the topic: Unlearning

At times it's good to get back to basics, so I decided to review my knowledge and thoughts about certain things. Writing down thoughts is good, because more often than not it arises new thoughts and questions. How about I pick one word at a time and see what comes up? Sounds good. While I probably "know this stuff already" it's good to remind oneself about the importance of the core ideas of being a Jedi. Learning never stops and a human being changes constantly, and that means that values, knowledge and tools need constant updating and upgrading. I don't want to be left behind by myself and some day notice that I've held certain thoughts and principles for a long time even though they might not work so well anymore.

I opened Personal 101 and the first word that caught my eye was unlearning. So, what is it, why is it important, and how does it apply to me?

Unlearning, as stated in the introduction, is something more or less all of us go through in the path of a Jedi. We are raised with certain values and principles, we are taught how to think and how to act, what is important and what is not, what is good and what is not. The list is endless. While some of these things are certainly much needed in order to survive in this society, some of them tend to limit us as creative and learning beings. If you're taught that you have to succeed at school in order to become something, it will affect your entire career. Failing under this concept creates enormous pressure and a sense of not living up to expectations, and even if it's succeeding one can be lured to think that they're good and they pass pretty much thanks to their success. This is but one example of limitless examples how most of us live our lives without giving it much thought. You can survive that way, like folks tend to do, but considering how much more you can become and how you can change towards the positive when making a conscious decision to break out of that box I'd say it's well worth it.

Why does unlearning happen, then? First and foremost you learn to question what's going on. When you dive deeper in the world of meditation, self-knowledge, the Force and everything else related to Jedi you might encounter ideas that contradict what you've learnt before, and you are challenged to think why it is so. Is there something you can use, or is it all just a big fat lie? If you end up to the latter there's a big chance this path is not for you. While not everything doesn't have to apply to you there's plenty of really high quality information that has helped many of us Jedi in our path. So, let's assume your mind is blown by the contradiction between your prior view of the world and what you now read - what are you going to do? It takes courage to change and to question yourself, but I assure you, it's well worth it. Chances are you will learn something about yourself and learn skills that make your life much more tolerable and easier and help you progress further.

When you've taken the challenge of changing your life you first have to start from the basics. It's practically impossible to build a sturdy house on a weak base, and that is definitely not recommended. Don't worry, unlearning doesn't happen instantly and you make progress one step at a time, you don't have to succeed immediately. It's a process. One of the most important things you have to unlearn is how you see yourself (that is, if there is need for that). Unless you love and accept yourself and are free from the view others have taught you about yourself (like not being smart because math isn't your thing) there's work to be done. Believe me, you will uncover your true self a bit by bit, and you will be amazed when you start to see yourself in a new light. Also, you learn to question your current reality. Why do you believe in certain things? Is it because somebody has told you to, or because you have studied and thought about it and found it works for you? What values you find important and why? Who are you? What do you think about certain things? It's very different to say that talking to strangers isn't good when you have been told so as you were a child than actually putting some thought to it and saying, "from my point of view this is so because of this and that".

It's not easy, that's for sure, but then again you get what you put into it. I personally have plenty of stuff I've worked with and even more I have to keep working on - it's a work in progress. You didn't learn to walk and talk in one day so it's quite natural to expect that stuff like self-knowledge doesn't come overnight either. Unlearning works on many other areas as well. Are there certain harmful patterns in your life that never cause anything good? Back when I was a teenager I used to get pissed off pretty much every time I saw my little sister, because I had learnt to react to meeting her with anger and frustration since we used to fight a lot. I really had to work on that and eventually I was the one that set the change in both of us in motion. It's not easy to simply think "Ok, now I'm pissed off, I need to calm down, don't yell at her" when you're feeling like Mr. Hyde!

The main point is, you have to unlearn before you can learn. I couldn't accept myself before I stripped away all the negativity I held towards myself. It's like putting on a piece of clothing, you have to take the previous one off first before you can put the other on (walking around with two pairs of trousers on isn't even in fashion right now). Unlearning means learning at the same time. It can be seen in many places – in martial arts we have to unlearn the way we have moved before and then learn to move in a new, more efficient way. You won't learn much about politics if you firmly think that it sucks, but when you do your best to forget what made you feel like that in the first place you can begin to see things as they really are, and that is where learning starts.

My unlearning process (and then learning) was long and painful. I've suffered from depression for ten years and I began my journey when I was at the very bottom. It sure took time to see how much I was affected by the opinions of others, my own opinions of myself and what I thought others thought about me. When I begun to question these opinions I realized how twisted and harmful they were. For many years I worked with several issues mainly related to my poor self-esteem and unability to function as a normal human being. It was a rocky road but I wouldn't change a day, that journey was a necessity to get here and become the person I am now. Nowadays I know myself rather well and new and unexpected stuff comes up only rarely. Know where you are so that you can track your progress towards the person you want to be. I unlearnt the negativity and learnt the positivity. Everybody can do it, but not many dare or want to change. How about you? Feel like finding out what you're really made of? Go for it and make the change in your life. You're not alone, the institute is full of us making change, and we are provided guidance and tools to get where we want. I've been on this path for more than seven years already. I didn't progress fast but that was the best I could do in my situation. It took a while to see my progress, but one day when I looked back at some writings of mine from years ago it was practically impossible to not see the difference. Learning never stops and I still have a long way to go, but when I look back on the road it's hard to see the starting point anymore, I've come that far, and I'm not stopping here. Just realizing how amazing life actually is makes me unable to go back to being who I once was, or even want that.

Just my two cents. Feel free to question and put to test everything I write, I don't expect you to take it for granted, and you shouldn't do that either. Questioning learns to changing and learning – a road worth walking.
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Jax replied the topic: Unlearning

:-) I feel like this should be posted somewhere in addition to here. Perhaps in the intro course, I could sticky it. It can be a combination pep talk and testimonial! Could you post this in the training area where the intro course stuff is?
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