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Institute for Jedi Realist Studies - Dineara's Training Journal - Page 63 - Institute for Jedi Realist Studies

Dineara's Training Journal

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Dineara replied the topic: Re:Dineara's Training Journal

Allright, the game's on! This time I'll finish it, and I promise that I'll be better than anybody in almost two years!! :woohoo:
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Dineara replied the topic: Re:Dineara's Training Journal

I accidentally solved several of my problems yesterday. A few days ago I saw a facebook post of my acquaintance saying that she'll take a tai chi course with her husband. I was like, "good for them, it's fun", but then later it struck me - why wouldn't I do so too? The reason I haven't decided to return to martial arts yet is because I want the most out of it and right now I don't feel fit enough for that. (Yes, it does bother me that I have to take so slowly and even skip some of the techniques because I need a break.) Tai chi is actually just what I need - meditative, slow and relaxing yet sneakily strengthens muscles and improves coordination and balance. The last time I tried it I loved it. Right now I actually will have money to spend for things like this, so why wouldn't I? A quick googling revealed that the dojo I used to go to is still alive and kicking, and after the basics they actually offer four different courses to take under the same payment! How much better can it get? After I've gained some confidence with tai chi, I can take yuishinkai karate, kobujutsu and nia. That's pretty much everything I've ever wanted from a hobby - slower stuff, harder stuff, weapon techniques and dance stuff. The price for six months is very, very affordable as well. I'll make Shaolin Dojo my new home. I still dream of aikido, and they offer it too, but not in the same package. At this point, though, pretty much anything is fine, as long as I get moving in a way that's fun.
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Kol Drake replied the topic: Re:Dineara's Training Journal

As you are already aware -- it takes MORE control and 'power' to go so very slowly and hold the proper stances / make the motions 'effortless'.

The cool bit is -- when you 'speed things up' -- a gentle sweep is an arc-ing armblock or a 'step forward' initiates a leg throw. Very cool stuff. Glad it *MBO'ed* for you. :)
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Dineara replied the topic: Re:Dineara's Training Journal

All right, since I probably ought to start filling my integrative practice tracker I need an entry or two to prove that I've actually done something. So here goes my first one.

Prometheus camp (shortly known as Protu) senior leader, 10th - 17th July
(What might that be? Go check it out: www.protu.fi/english )

Like I wrote before, I'm back in business with bringing a dash of jedi-like open-mindedness, curious pondering and growth to youths around the age of 15. The week I spent with my team of seven people (myself included), two cooks and sixteen teenagers was an amazing experience.

Seriously, putting together a camp takes a lot of hard work. Protu, as an organization, consists of hundreds of volunteers and only two paid office workers. Organizing high quality camps is taken very seriously, and that means that every person to become a leader first goes through one or two weekends of training. During that time, recruiters (also volunteers) observe the potential leaders as they learn what is needed to put together a camp and make it a success. Their personalities, skills and abilities are evaluated for the sole purpose of putting together dream teams: people with different abilities and personalities but in a way that they work well together. Very often the results of this are astounding. My team, for example, was brilliant – what I couldn't handle, somebody else could. What wasn't natural for me was for somebody else. After the teams have been put together, the team together attends one training weekend, where they learn to work as a team and get to know each other. They also start planning the camp at that point. And that's the mandatory part. In addition to this, the team communicates frequently through whatever ways possible to get everything up and working. Usually teams meet at least once in addition to the training to strengthen their chemistry and really get those wheels turning.

There are very little rules set in stone regarding planning a camp. Each leader applies their own strengths, experiences and innovative ideas to create the best camp ever (of course, that's always the goal!). Basically, a whole week is created from nothing, but there are several ready building blocks for us to utilize to our hearts' content (while remembering the point of the whole camp, of course).

Then, my personal experiences. The last time I was a camp leader was two years ago, and compared to how I am now I must say I've grown insanely during these years. I was darn good then, but now I'm even better. A lot better. Finding this out actually amazed me a bit.

You see, it takes a lot of work and resources to first put everything together and then hold everything together, to solve whatever emergencies might arise, to take care of oneself and the others and yet be able to offer something new, something amazing and mind-blowing. I totally did all that. I am a natural organizer: I'll get pissed off if things don't work well. It's easy and natural for me to handle the big picture and hold all the threads, more or less, and still not forget the smaller details. My mind does an insane amount of work rather effortlessly and thus it's easy for me to see what needs to be done and when. This isn't the case with everybody, so my team was very happy that I mostly took care of the big thing. I actually wasn't going to do it, but since nobody else took that role I had to. That's fine, I enjoy it anyway.

What I learnt is that in addition to being an organizer I'm also a very flexible and adaptable person. When there's a gap that needs filling, be that in skill, output or general atmosphere, I intuitively adjust myself to fill those gaps. This means I'm capable of taking a variety of roles and pulling them off rather professionally. Not all of them are as easy or as natural as the others, but I can still do them if needed. This is a skill I'm proud of – looks like my constant need for variety and change has paid off this way. What works in each situation has to be re-evaluated each time, always. Makes things interesting! I'm glad I'm this way, because it makes me an interesting character for the others and thus I become more easily approachable. You see, this year I was at least twelve years older than campers, so especially in the beginning the situation is very prone to becoming into ”That's a scary adult and too smart for us”. Luckily, nothing destroys that quite like making yourself a human being by, for example, cracking the worst of jokes, laughing at yourself for a while and then continuing whatever it was you were doing like nothing ever happened.

To get things running smoothly requires emotional intelligence and sensitivity to ever-changing situations and atmospheres. During the week I was amazed to realize that I am actually very sensitive to all that and lean heavily on my intuition – and it pays off super well! Even in situations that were difficult and awkward for me I apparently performed very well, according to the feedback from others. I also noticed that I have an interesting ability to read the currents so well that I can change some very risque, dark and anxious atmospheres into something that actually binds people together and becomes a moment of relief, joy and happiness. I'll give you an example:

One of our team members had arranged a political debate, so we had two guests of different political beliefs talking about their views at camp. It was super interesting! Well, it ended up getting very heated too, and one of our campers actually got so angry and fired up that she ended up calling one of the guests with terrible names and being downright hateful towards him. Of course this left a very unpleasant atmosphere and we had to discuss this afterwards with the campers after the guests had gone (of course, we talked with them too). Protu is famous for having an open, accepting environment that welcomes different opinions and views and where everything can be discussed without anybody getting hurt personally. I was simply hanging around, it was not my job to lead the conversation at that point. Of course, most of the campers (and leaders too) were a bit upset and feeling bad over the incident. We had to remind them of what it's like to treat others with respect. At first I was happy I didn't have to say anything, because I was at loss of words, but after following the conversation for a while something clicked and I knew exactly what to say. I can't remember precisely what I said, but I remember talking about my own feelings and experiences, then noting that we all make mistakes sometimes and that's all right and that then we just simply move on. Something like that. You know, as I spoke, magic happened and the general feeling changed completely. Like I wrote before, it ended up being an uplifting, strengthening experience. The girl who had lashed out to the guest was crying silently. Afterwards, one of us leaders went to check if she was ok when she had gone to her room, and she said that she's crying because she's so happy. Nobody, ever, had allowed her to make mistakes and forgiven them so easily – that life actually goes on. To her it meant a world. Needless to say, this is one of the reasons I love Protu – with your own actions you help build a community that is full of respect, caring and closeness, where you can be just you and it is enough.

The week was full of laughter, tears, amazing experiences, sparkling energy, tiredness and hardships. It is so intense that I took me two weeks to recover from it (feels that I still haven't!). What I learnt is that I should continue trusting my intuition and go strongly by the feelings I get. I've opened up so much during the past years that it's become surprisingly effortless. I am capable of changing plans at moment's notice when required, improvising and pulling anything off if I have to. I am not that bad at consoling others, either (lol).

Now then, as great as I was, there are still plenty of things I have to work on. Firstly, it was harder than I thought, and while I already expected this camp to be harder than the previous one, it still managed to surprise me and I had to lay low for a couple of days (which of course had a big impact on the team's functioning – they really couldn't have survived without me). I was very, very tired and at one point had no idea how I'm going to survive through the week. That is normal, yes, but I still have to pay more attention to my energy levels and be sure to take enough time off so that I can stay mostly functional throughout the week. Also, under heavy stress and tiredness, the first ability I lose is empathy. I become too tired to actually read the subtle messages and be ever considerate towards others – even if I see the messages I couldn't care enough to react to them. My energy is then saved to getting the ”important” things at hand. My organizing functions still work well at that point. Also, I become sarcastic – well, actually, the more tired I am, the harder it becomes to censor my behavior (and that includes even more bad jokes). As an organizer, I also have to pay more attention to distributing the tasks evenly. It's just that when I see that something needs to be done, it's so much simpler to do it myself than explain to somebody else how it needs to be done – especially when tired!

I could write more, too, but there's so much what I could tell that I really don't have the inspiration to write everything down. I had a lot of fun and I'm doing it again this winter, as I was accepted to be a leader of a winter camp. The stakes are even higher, for this camp will be for those who already have been to Protu, so the themes and content will be completely up to us and our audience, as experienced campers, will be much tougher and more demanding! These camps are growing-up camps for us adults, too. And after each camp I always have these ”what am I going to do with my life” -crises...
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Jax replied the topic: Re:Dineara's Training Journal

As a person who just went through a Knighthood review board and Knighting, I know where you are coming from. What does the title and process mean in the end? I mean, if I didn't pass, I'd still be doing what I'm doing now. So why go through the expense and time of travel, and potential drama? As Kai-an put it, even if you don't stay involved with the group, you went through the process which provides some validity to your path and position. It's the validation of outsiders who looked over what you've done and said, yeah, you did awesome! Oh, and here's some things you might want to work on. :-) And preparing for it allows you to review your path and see what you think you need to work on still. lt helps you rebuild those bridges to the basics and prepares you for teaching as well. So do it! hahaha

Tai-chi sounds like it will be fun. I look forward to hearing how it goes.
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Dineara replied the topic: Re:Dineara's Training Journal

Heyyyy congratulations Jax, way to go! I'm so happy for you. Well, I'll certainly consider training a bit more, and seriously, it would be quite beneficial to get through the novice trials at least. lol
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Jax replied the topic: Re:Dineara's Training Journal

I agree! And thank you. :-)
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Dineara replied the topic: Re:Dineara's Training Journal

Something worth sharing: I figured out something essential to my growth. Everything sounds so simple when writing it down, as if everybody else knew it already, and while I might have thought so consciously it really took time hit it through the wall between information and understanding. This is actually and extension of that "enlightenment" experience of mine two years ago. Back then I finally realized that everything is one. Now I realized that everything is my creation. Nothing exists outside of me until I make it come into existence. I am the ultimate creator and everything, especially the way I am now, the things around me and my interpretation of the world, is the direct result of the endless manifestation I do. Considering this it's pointless to complain that I don't know how to make things happen, how to achieve things, how to make them come true. It is what I do all the time - realize my dreams. Whether those dreams are such that I have consciously determined to be good for me or subconscious and chemical requirements to fill the need and feel the pleasure is in fact somewhat irrelevant. The point is that I shape the universe to give me the emotional reactions that make the whole thing worth living, to answer to the addictions that are engraved on my neural network and neurotransmitters. Interestingly enough, this time it was the scientific approach and a dash of quantum mechanics that triggered this realization. The funny thing is, I feel that I am completely free.

You see, I can never again be the victim and blame the world for what is wrong in my life. I did choose it from the very beginning. And another thing I realized: I never had to develop and search growth. I wanted it, for I guess I still sort of believe that it is the path I have to take to make myself happy and to receive recognition from others (this matter has a bigger hold of me than I'd like to admit, so of course I have to admit it). I mean, lately I've been telling myself that I have to go through this thing and face the challenges in my life to move on, and that I wouldn't forgive myself that when the time of transition comes and I look myself in the eye I'd have to say: "Well yeah, I screwed up because I was too lazy to do anything. Better luck next time, I guess." That would be so ultimately humiliating and the very sign of a loser that under no circumstance would I allow that to myself.

But, funny thing. There never was a challenge to begin with. Only the stuff that I chose to give myself to make me feel entertained in this life. I wrote myself a story, and a good one, full of dreams and ideals. Just the kind of story that I like - plenty of suffering but a promise of great personal growth, heroic path and a legendary outcome of much greatness and all that. And of course I bought that. I know myself well enough to compose all kinds of amusements. I never actually had to do a thing, though. I was perfectly perfect to begin with, the singular expression of the collective Oneness, a brilliant particle. All I actually had to do was to enjoy this experience, but I decided to make it difficult and something I had to strive for. Heh. I wouldn't have believed if somebody told me that in fact it was all my choice and not consciously striving to develop myself was ok too. They did, but it's one of the things that have to be realized by oneself. So. It's all right not to make up so much crap. I am pretty darn good like this, as well. I don't have to achieve a thing. The question was never about how far am I going to get in this life. It was how to make things happen.

I, as the master creator, somehow gave away my own power and gave credit of all the wonders and disasters to somebody else. How silly is that? It's like dropping a cup on the floor, sweeping the shards under the bed, whistling really innocently - and then blaming it all on the cat even if the evidence is right in front of you. :D I mean, "D'OH!", as Homer would say. Now then. What I am really curious about right now is how to learn to consciously, effectively manifest stuff with total ease and joy. Before my attitude towards manifesting has always been "Sure, somebody else probably can do it but I can't". I excel at denying my own greatness especially in things that I really could benefit from if I learnt them. So, what can I do to learn to manifest consciously?

One of the best things I can think of is starting a hardcore practice of being in the now. I'm good at denying my responsibility of this and escaping in a dream land. By paying attention to how I am and what I do and think and feel I will see how it contributes to my life. I happen to want an epic life, so if I happen to be thinking about stupid stuff that is far from beneficial I might want to do something about it, and it ought to be easier if I know that it happens. I think that my brain can be a very handy asset when it comes to manifesting since it makes no difference between ”reality”, memories and constructed visualizations. I'm curious to see what else I can do to actually make things happen. How do I create belief? I damn well can manifest stuff, so how do I believe it even in the worst of days? How do I keep the magic going?

I tend to forget that the biggest learning in my life is from the simplest of things. I am super good at applying and going to meta levels, but I often seem to have several lacks in basics, so I can't really do much good with the in-depth harder-to-grasp stuff, which appears to be my speciality. Anyways, I think I once again got something very fundamental here. I seriously hope I find a way to integrate this in my way of thinking and being quickly, lest it be lost and forgotten...
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Jax replied the topic: Re:Dineara's Training Journal

There's a lot of resources available. Review the Abraham books by Esther and Jerry Hicks (a few of which I have in pdf form and you should have them already). Review Being You, Changing the World. and then it's really about asking questions (which is why I listen to the access podcasts frequently) and keeping an eye on your mood and energy. I'm struggling with negativity a lot lately so I'm constantly having to put a stop to it or I'll end in a pile of poo. lol

This is my favorite podcast of them all. Glenyce is super fun, Canadian, adorable, and ridiculously knowledgable. I would have this as your to-do list every day. You can go in order or just jump around. There's a wealth of knowledge there. www.voiceamerica.com/show/2219/living-in-the-magic-of-possibilities
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Kol Drake replied the topic: Re:Dineara's Training Journal

To drag up an old movie -- The Matrix -- pointing to your similar 'awakening and acceptance'.
Neo doubts that he is special. Even the Oracle says he is not it (yet). It is not until *that moment* when he decides to go all out that he goes from being 'above average' to 'The One'. All the talking and expecting did not help Neo to realize his potential; it was his 'breaking that last self limiting barrier of doubt."

Congrats on finding your breakthrough.
May you create endless joy and happiness with your skills and abilities.
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