Silver's Journal

  • Kol Drake
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Kol Drake replied the topic: Re: Silver's Journal

“I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.”
― Charles M. Schulz


One of the core parts of the Jedi/spiritual path is embracing change and letting go of the illusion of permanence. In so doing, that will shift how you are with yourself. In so doing that, you are shifting how you are with everyone else. That's where things start to get emotionally charged. You suddenly find people with whom you were close now distancing themselves from you, getting angry with you, you getting angry with them, or you distancing yourself from them. Or maybe it's some other form of lack of harmony, and you wonder what you're doing wrong.

Nothing. Nothing is wrong. Things are changing, and that's just part of the Path. In truth, that is simply a fact of life.

However, these truths may not be giving you many tools to help in the letting go process, so consider this instead:

When you make space in your life, you make room for other people to enter it. You see, there's this other illusion going on in all of your heads that if you "lose" a friend, spouse, girlfriend, or whomever that you'll never, ever, ever, ever, EVER get another person with whom you can connect with like that again. In some ways, that's true. Each connection with each person in each moment is unique unto itself. There will never be another one like it. But somewhere in this is this idea that somehow you'll be lost and alone and forced to live on a mountaintop by yourself on the spiritual path. If nothing else, you're going to find your ability to connect deeply and intimately with others enhancing the further you go, not decreasing. Perhaps at some point you may glance over your shoulder and realize how unfulfilling the relationships you've been in actually were and wonder why you ever hung onto them so hard.

>>>

I have had tons of people move into my life, out of my life, and some have cycled back into my life again. Each relationship and each moment is precious to me no matter how fleeting. I have learned not to hold onto good moments as well as bad moments. I have noticed that while certain moments with some people are amazing, that may be the only amazing moment we ever have together. There is no need to drag out any friendship or relationship to try and re-create that moment, which is what happens for a lot of people. Over time, I have learned to have a great deal of faith in the process of 'becoming a Jedi' because in opening myself and clearing fears, I have created more and more space for others of similar natures to meet me.

I am not putting out anything new or earth shattering; I am certain you have heard this before. If you have been a negative person, you have probably attracted a lot of negative people. The more you let go of that attitude, the more space you create for new people to connect with you in new ways. It may not be immediate, and it will require you to teach yourself a lot of new ways of acting, speaking, and being with others. That is part of the re-programming almost all of us have to do in this world as we delete a lot of lies and fear-based programs that society has taught us. But if you keep faith and trust, you will be amazed at who comes into your life and the refreshing and healthier types of relationships that come your way.

>>>

At the highest truth, nothing is lost. There is only the question of if you are living the life you want to live in your heart of hearts and at the center of your soul's desire. Are you? Because if you are not, you probably have a lot of people around you who are not doing so either. It is what you have attracted into your life, and they probably reinforce the same illusions and lies that you have such as:

"You can't do this."
"It's not practical to live the life that you want to live."
"That Jedi crap is all a lie anyway."
"Why do you wear such stuff?"

Remember, they are sometimes (most times) as afloat in their lives as you might feel; trying to grab some shred of 'solidness' in a sea of chaos. The typical response is to lash out at 'otherness' so they will feel more 'of the group' -- a feeling of wanting stability and "safety in conformity". Anyway, the list of lies goes on and on. Only you can sort out what is true, but know this: when you let go of relationships that no longer serve you, you make space to grow.

As you grow, new people can enter your life. And it may take awhile to get used to being with different types of people. You are walking way outside of your comfort zone and saying good-bye to it. The only way to truly be comfortable on the Path is to be fully comfortable with yourself. Once that happens, every place in the world is part of your comfort zone (You do still maintain your discernment, however; you're not blithely skipping through war zones).

And, with such an expansive comfort zone, you can see how things flow. You can see how relationships become like drops of water. Some flow in, circle and swirl in the eddies of your life, and then they flow out to be replaced by new droplets.

"The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together." - Obi Won Kenobi

So, be open to change.
Also understand that most of what 'pisses you off' in others is what YOU see of yourself IN THEM. So, go easy and see that lashing out just makes flowing with the Force tougher instead of easier. Learn that a moment of 'tongue biting' (or silently counting to ten) can make for a much easier time relating to those around you.

And... hang in there; it DOES get easier with practice and patience.
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  • Silver Surfer
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Silver Surfer replied the topic: Re: Silver's Journal

Saying you want to do it daily means the first time you have to miss a day for some reason you will have that nagging feeling of failure which isn't beneficial.


It is true, but then again if I miss a day I feel like I have failed. I mean it is a failure, because it is something that should be done daily for a Jedi. I understand that looking at it as failure isn't part of the solution, and only weighing me down, it's just hard not to look at it that way, when that's what it is. But I get that slowly building up is important. Going in full throttle will just stress me out as much as not doing it, and everything else causing stress.

As for foot baths I will consider it, I don't know if I can deal with insomnia right now, I'm getting very little sleep as it is, and need almost any minute of it that I can get. :)

I don't know Kol, the thing is, It's frustrating because things aren't changing, that's what I would like to happen. That's what I try to make happen, but it never works out.

I don't really make space for people to come into my life, It just seems like too much at times, I allow people a chance to know me on some level, I let them in to a degree, but I hate being a free for all.

I did however learn this lesson, or most of it anyway:

When you make space in your life, you make room for other people to enter it. You see, there's this other illusion going on in all of your heads that if you "lose" a friend, spouse, girlfriend, or whomever that you'll never, ever, ever, ever, EVER get another person with whom you can connect with like that again. In some ways, that's true. Each connection with each person in each moment is unique unto itself. There will never be another one like it. But somewhere in this is this idea that somehow you'll be lost and alone and forced to live on a mountaintop by yourself on the spiritual path. If nothing else, you're going to find your ability to connect deeply and intimately with others enhancing the further you go, not decreasing. Perhaps at some point you may glance over your shoulder and realize how unfulfilling the relationships you've been in actually were and wonder why you ever hung onto them so hard.


I do understand that when you love someone it will never be the same as it was with that person. But that doesn't mean that you can't love others, and that it won't also be special, just in a different way. I understand this and have experienced it. Where I fail is only being able to love that person so much, only being able to give so much too them. And maybe that is just another way in which it is different. Or like I said before, I've only learned most of the lesson.

It's hard not to hold onto moments, because you get to a point where that is all you have. whether you loved or hated the person, liked, disliked, indifferent, will see the person again, will never see that person again, those moments will be the only thing left of them. Good or Bad moments, you have what you remember of them, possibly what you learned from them. Maybe that isn't needed, but I always felt like it was, I mean moments are important, at the expense of this one? No. Though sometimes it can be hard to focus, when you love/loved someone so much or care/cared so much.

Even in making space for new people, the ones who were once part of your life, are still in your memory, and in that way that are arguably still a part of you.

Anyway, in the immediate, the people in my life aren't going anywhere, because they are not the ones who need to leave, I am. I live with my family, and I need to get out, hence why I would somewhat welcome change. It's because things are staying the same. It's because as you said: "what 'pisses you off' in others is what YOU see of yourself IN THEM" And I know that. That's what irritates me, it's hard to grow when old habits and even present ones are constantly reinforced. I see my family do things, I see myself do those same things and it annoys me to no end.

It's also hard to collect yourself or bite your tongue, when they are egging you on to participate and you want no part. People will say, "oh that's easy, a Jedi is in control of their emotions, they will just be passive and not give others the satisfaction." It's a bit more difficult when they are in your face, when they will not leave you alone because you are their amusement. When they will keep trying to embarrass, humiliate, aggravate you, until you walk away feeling stupid, and every time you pass by,it's the same thing all over again. And they are supposed to be on your side. But they don't care, I guess to them this is being on my side.

It's not that I get crap for walking the Jedi Path, my family knows that I do. They don't know what that means, but they know that I do. They do not support it, but have seemed to at least accept it, or just not talk about it, because they think it is something to be embarrassed of, and as long as I try to represent it in a good way, I do not think it is embarrassing. I think if I were to run around in a costume all the time, swinging a plastic lightsaber that would be embarrassing, and honestly would be dragging the path down. But I don't d that, I try to work on my health and get back to meditation and not blowing up at people, how that is embarrassing I don't know.

No, I get crap for being me. Regardless of who, what that is, what I do, where I go. That is the problem. I would love to be comfortable enough in myself to see the world as my comfort zone, but I am not there yet. Which is why I wanted to try and work on meditation anyway, to try and help with that, it can be hard in such surroundings though.

Anyway, sorry to drag.


"I have great expectations for the future, because the past was highly overrated." -Sylvester Stallone
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