Silver's Journal

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Silver Surfer created the topic: Silver's Journal

I decided that I would like to participate a bit more and maybe be a little bit more open. Everyone here seems to be nice and accepting, so it's not as scary. :P I'm also hoping that it might help me with some of the issues that I've been having in my personal training.

So, where to start. I've been pretty out of it this week, more so than usual. I've been very drowsy, and doing basic things feels like I'm hauling a$$. So, doing anything feels like a huge process. Needless to say I've been very lazy this week when it comes to getting everything done that I needed to, and I didn't work out this week at all, just because I was so tired, and at the end of the day I just didn't want to. I'm hoping that next week with be better and it won't be a month long thing.

I feel bad because my friend really needed me this week and last week. And I tried my best to be there for her as much as I possibly could, but she still needs me. And I'm just.....worn out. I feel like I can't be helpful, when I have so much going on, mentally, and emotionally. I just feel bad that I'm not there as much as I would like to be. She understands, but when I'm not there she does things that she probably wouldn't do if I was there, and I know that I cannot prevent everything, or keep her from making her own decisions, I just don't want to see her fall into a trap that she will regret later. And most of all, I don't want to lose my friend. I'm also afraid of getting swept away into it myself. I have not been the best example this week, or very true to the Jedi Path. I know that it is just a misstep and I can get myself back on the proper track and that is my current goal. I'm hoping that once my brother and sister go back to school I will be less tired, and more productive, hopefully put more work into my training.

I'm the sort of person who requires a lot of down time in order to decompress and relax, I have always been that way since I was very young. I feel like at the begining of the week, I didn't get any down time, because I was so wrapped up in helping others, which was all very sudden. So I tried spending the rest of the week trying to relax and regain energy. It's not something that I usually struggle with, but this week, I have not felt like doing anything, even the things I really enjoy. I just want to sit and do nothing, so I tried doing that and meditating, which just made me restless. I have not been able to relax at all.

So, I don't know, just a really messed up week, it happens. Luckily I am looking forward to this weekend, and will hopefully feel more focused and alive next week so I can up my training, and do the things that I like to do. And hopefully be more enjoyable for my brother and sister, who probably think that I'm a Zombie. 
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  • Kol Drake
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Kol Drake replied the topic: Re: Silver's Journal

Stress, messed up sleep routines, poor eating habits -- all kinds of things can take it's toll on physical and emotional well-being.  Plus, I believe you said this particular 'friend' takes a lot of energy.  For starters, work on the things I listed first... that will help a bit. 

Get around 20 minutes a day of direct sunlight... it is essential for the body. 
After that, if you can -- get a couple of 'river stones' (not so small/not so big, rounded, smooth stones) and put them in a spot to 'absorb' the day sun.  Bring them in at night and put them close... or even hold one in a hand or lap as you work to relax a bit.  Visualize (imagine) you getting a 're-charge' or energy boost from the energy stored up all day.  Rinse, repeat as needed.

And you are correct.  An 'odd week' or even a couple is not going to trash all you have done.  Sometimes a bit of 'down time' is what is needed to get centered and back on track.

As for your friend.  That's hard.  You are not your brother's (or friend's) keeper... and as you note; you can not be there all the time / feeling responsible for maintaining *their* well-being.  Especially if it is taking so much from you and *your* well-being.  It's a tough one... since you obviously care for your friend and wish them no harm.  I know it sounds pretty geeky but... spend time each night sending them a little 'healing Force energy' and perhaps a general request to the Universal Force to watch over and protect you friend.  Sometimes, that can help more then them tapping your energy all the time.

Hang in there, Surfer!
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Silver Surfer replied the topic: Re: Silver's Journal

I agree and right now I think I fit into all of those categories that are taking a toll on my emotional and physical well being.

Thanks for the advice, it is helpful and needs to be worked on.

I need to work on making my down time more effective again, so that when I do try to relax and be refreshed, it will actually work.

I am having a lot of trouble with my friend, in fact it was late last night that I realized that everything that was going on with her is exactly what has been weighing me down, or at least one of the bigger things. Just to be clear I don't think that it is her fault, nor do I blame her. It's my feelings towards her, and my worries as a friend. I'm scared to death that I'm losing my best friend, and that thought really hurts. I'm coming to the realization, more and more, that I cannot stop her from doing these things, or keep her from venturing down a destructive path. I just hate being sidelined and watching it happen. It feels like I've "thrown in the towel," even though I know that I have done everything that I could, and continue to be here, I just can't *always* be there for *everything*. I do try and send her some type of Force Energy, I'm just not very good at it yet. :P And I don't think it's helping at all. But I do try, her and a couple of others, but not always every night, sometimes it's just her.
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Silver Surfer replied the topic: Re: Silver's Journal

Goals For This Week:

To eat at least one piece of fruit everyday

To complete at least half a work-out everyday, so that I can build-up to completing a full work-out, and get back in the habit of working out everyday

Get 15 to 20 minutes of sunlight, as I have had 2 people suggest this now, so there must be something to it. :D
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Kol Drake replied the topic: Re: Silver's Journal

Good plan.

Regarding your friend:  Have you sat down with them and clearly and openly... just like your previous post... told them how you feel and how you fear for them on the path they are taking?  Sometimes saying it outloud can help you and them 'see things'.

And, while you can care and have compassion for you friend, be careful about taking on the energy and emotional 'burden' of their actions.  Be concerned; be supportive of positive behaviors but do not be SO empathically open that you are killing yourself with their negativity and downer energy.

Part of realizing what is 'wrong' is being able to take a step back and peel back the layers of ego tap-dancing and get to the core of what's going on... for you AND for your friend.  If they are not ready to 'peel', there is not a lot more that you can do until they come to *want* to change for the better.

The Force be with you!
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Loremaster replied the topic: Re: Silver's Journal

Kol is, as usual, right on target.  Your friend probably needs professional help at this point, but until she sees that she DOES need help, there is not a great deal that you can do.  One thing that I would suggest is to concentrate on her psyche at night - her Force persona - and ask it subconsciously if she would allow you to help her on that level.  If the answer is yes, then go ahead and hose her down with White Light to help her balance and heal.  If she refuses (and yes, you will know when and if that happens), then just come back to yourself and, if you can, talk with her on a conscious level about her behavior.  It is likely she will be in denial, and even defensively hostile - so be prepared for that. 

If you can, I would suggest doing an auric check on her - see if you can detect any leaks or tears - and plug them up.  I will be glad to assist with this if you want me to - just send me a PM.  Another thing you can do is to mentally surround yourself with "mirrors" to deflect the negative energies that she is emitting, probably without knowing it.  I wish you the best, and again, if I can be of any help, let me know. 

Ellen

May the Force be with you, and may you rest in the love and care of the Divine.
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Silver Surfer replied the topic: Re: Silver's Journal

Kol-Yeah I have had many conversations with my friend, she knows exactly how I feel.

I think taking on the "downer" energy was part of my problem last week. And your right, it is important to step back, I struggle with that so much with my friend because I care about her so much.

Ellen-My friend does need professional help at this point, she realizes that, and was getting it until her insurance fell through, and  since then things have been worse.

I don't really know how to focus on her psyche, is it even possible to do that?

She is in denial about a lot of things, she knows it, or says that she does anyway. Sometimes she can be hostile or disappointed in what I have to say, which is never fun, but we are close that she doesn't mind it as much coming from me. And that's a plus, I guess.

And I don't know how to do an auric check on her either, or any of those things. If I were to attempt it, I would definitely need some assistance.

Than you both for your input. =)


This weekend was definitely better and even fun. I'm glad I got a break and a chance to relax. I got my fruit and sunlight today, we went swimming and I got a couple of hours in the sun, which was really nice. I didn't work out today, which is disappointing, but my goal is to get it in tomorrow.

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Silver Surfer replied the topic: Re: Silver's Journal

Things with my friend have been hard, and I think they might get worse as she is once again falling into the same trap that she was in at the beginning of this year, and even though I have been trying to get her to see that, she just doesn't. I know that I can't do much more than that. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that she wants to fall, and it's her life, she can do what she wants with it. I just want so much better for her, and apparently she has chosen her lot in life. So I guess I will just need to accept that. I don't think some people realize how difficult it is to be their best friend, lol. =P I've also realized that I need to not be so easily influenced by her.

Yesterday-I went swimming again and got more sunlight that way, got my fruit, but didn't work out, I was pretty busy with everything going on.

Today-It was hot so I didn't stay out in the sun for too long, I did work out with what little time that I had, and now I am reminded that I have not had any fruit today, so I will need to get that. =)
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Loremaster replied the topic: Re: Silver's Journal

One of the hardest things in life we have to learn is to let someone we care about follow their own path...even if that means falling down and hurting themselves or working through some tough patches more or less on their own.  Maintaining a caring, yet objective attitude toward them is likewise very difficult.  But you seem to be coming to a good understanding and management of this.  If you need to talk, let me know. 

May the Force be with you, and may you rest in the love and care of the Divine.
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Silver Surfer replied the topic: Re: Silver's Journal

Absolutely, I am no rookie when it comes to having to walk away, bu surprisingly enough that does not make it any easier. I realize what I need to do, I just hate that I actually need to do it. It is never easy, no matter how many times you need to do it. But I love my friend, and I respect her right to live her life the way she feels that she needs too. Regardless of how *I* feel about it.
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