Adi-wan's training journal

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Adi-wan created the topic: Adi-wan's training journal

I've just ended the intro course, and i'm waiting for starting formal training.  I find the course very motivating, but had some troubles with the force exercise. I done the Lighthouse meditation first time and it gives me a hard time.  I had problems visualizing the beach (the beach was specially slippy) and dissolving the storm clouds.  So after somo tries, i decided to introduce some changes to better suit me.  I already post it in my blog, but will repost it here, hoping for some comments.
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I spent a couple of days retrying the lighthouse meditation, and i think i finally get it.
i had to introduce some changes in visualization to make it more suited to me. First, i used my own body as reference, focusing more on what i have to feel than i what i have to see. Concentrating on feeling the sand, rather than seeing the sand, and feeling the railing and heigth diference of the lighthouse, rather then seeing it. I feel it increases the “staying” of the full meditation, as i loosed focus less often.

Inside the lighthouse, i always feel “disconnected” from the light beam, finding difficult to control and to catch the feelings from it. So i added a skylight just over the chair, allowing the same light that goes outside spread all over me. I’m surprised of how well it went. I inmediately felt in charge of the full beam, and felt the sensations come easily trougth the light.
Yesterday evening, last time i tryed it, i felt a concentrated energy in my chest, that was spreading slowly outside. I also felt a sligth floating sensation during the last part of meditation.

I will keep going with it, now i get the trick.

Speak softly, but carry a big stick....



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Jax replied the topic: Re: Adi-wan's training journal

Very good! The feeling is more important than the visual, and most people are not good at visualizing.  Meditations, especially visual ones, are written generally so don't be afraid to be creative and find what works for you, as long as it is still in the spirit of the original meditation.  I'm glad you stuck with it and found benefit.

I'll get to your intro course soon.  I usually respond more quickly but have been bogged down with family things.  If I don't send you a message within 24 hours, please send me a message reminding me to add you to the courses you requested.
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inari replied the topic: Re: Adi-wan's training journal

I'd also suggest you not get too caught up in the meditation trying to get it 'right' at this stage. You may find that it becomes easier after taking the meditation course.

Also, please remember that we are coming up to the holiday season and we're all going to be busy, and many of the instructors will have less time than usual to devote to the training journals.

Regards,

Inari
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Adi-wan replied the topic: Re: Adi-wan's training journal

First, sorry for been so long after my last update.  I'm passing some personal circumstances that has made it dificult. My girlfriend's mother died just before Christmas (23 dec.) from a bowel cancer, and she is terribly depressed. So my apologies if my updates take longer than expected.

I ended the brething exercise about a month ago, but i restarted it on last week, just for keeping the pace.  I feel it quite relaxing, but after every meditation i ended feeling it not enough.  after first teo days i stayed longer (10 minutes), and i meditated for full 20 minutes the last two days and i still felt that "incompletefulness".  Every time i had the sensation i can go further (i don't know exactly where or how) and that i had stopped before the end.

I wonder if any student had similar feelings. 

Anyway, i'm moving to hte next exercise.

Speak softly, but carry a big stick....



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David (Phoenix) replied the topic: Re: Adi-wan's training journal

Well everyone experiences the meditations differently, and as you continue, you'll get a chance to experience different exercises.

I'm curious though about your last statement, about not feeling it at the end? Are you talking about the calm feeling, or something else?  Sometimes for me, the calm lasts minutes or a little longer, but never for an extended time.  The point of the breating exercises, in my opinion, is to bring you back to a center, to recollect your thoughts and reconnect with the Force (of course that all takes time and practice).  Eventually it can lead you to sharpen your focusing skills.  After a few days though, you won't really notice that.  Meditation and breathing is something we have to constantly work at.

"...who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. " ~ Theodore Roosevelt
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Adi-wan replied the topic: Re: Adi-wan's training journal

Is more a feeling of "lacking" something.  As if the exercise were incomplete. I wish i could describe it better...

Speak softly, but carry a big stick....



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Adi-wan replied the topic: Re: Adi-wan's training journal

What is the Force to me

I agree with the general conception of the Force.  An energy field that connects all living beings, and that flows trought us. But for me is a bit more.  The Force is a field of mental energy, that not only flows trought us, but from which we are originated. 
It could be difficult to explain it with some deepness, without taking a look to my conception of the universe. I’ve talked a bit about this in my blog but i will repost it here for wholeness.
Essentially, all that exists in universe has to be originated from somewhere.  Is clear for anyone who takes a minute to think about it, that those complex relations between living and unliving things, the very laws of nature (physics, chemistry) and the minucious workings of molecules forming the matter, cannot simply occur by ramdomness.  There is the need (the very need) of some kind of organizing force.  Some kind of intelligence able to dispose things in order to succefully exist.  You can call this “intelligence” as you like: God, Nature, the Prime Engine, or whatever.  I decided to call it the Force, because is a name that smoothly fits in.  Is concrete enough for give you a general idea of what we’re talking about, but is loose enough to not try to describe it (by definition, the nature of the force is undescribible) and to group almost all philosophies and creeds about universe, humanity and God, which is important to me.
For reasons too long to explain here (but i’m glad to discuss it with any students or instructors likely to do so), we can conclude that the Force can only create things in one way: within is own mind. Why? Because nothing can exist outside the Force. If we asume that this “nature” or “God” reaches all that exist, and nothing can escape it, because if so, then not “all” can be englobed, and thus we’re not talking about all, just about part of all, the only way to acomplish it is by creating the universe in the own mind of the Force (or nature, or God).
This also explains the connection all things have with the Force.  The force is in all, in the same way as a novelist writes a book. Shakespeare wrote “Hamlet”, and, in doing so, every person, place, plant, rock and happenning is infused by him.  All the book, any of its parts, even those who are not described in the story, but are suposed to be there (people in the court, soldiers of the army, etc...) are infused with the will and energy of shakespeare.
So the Force infuses its will an energy to our universe, connecting all things, and flowing througth all.  And as we all exist in the mind of the Force, those energy field we percieve can only be mental energy.
The Force is for me, in conclusion, a mental energy field that connects all that exist, and which emanates from a superior intellect. Curiosly, so great, ominous words can easily acomodate all other philosophies and conceptions of the world. After all, the Force connects us all, even those with creeds afar from our.

Speak softly, but carry a big stick....



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Adi-wan replied the topic: Re: Adi-wan's training journal

A short personal story

First, i didn’t think my story has nothing worth talking about, but as i remind, i discovered some events that i believestrongly marked my path.
I had nothing unusual to say about my childhood, except for being raised around women. I’m the second of three brothers (well, two sisters and a brother, myself), and have 15 cousins that happens to be all girls. I don’t remember my father staying at home very much (he worked a lot), and i ended always surrounded by women. But i accept it with pride. From this time i started my interest for epic fantasy (knigths battling dragons) and sci-fi (star wars, star trek, galaxy rangers).
I attended public school, and i wanted to be comic drawer for all my childhood and most of my adolescence. I even took some formal draw lessons in an academy.  But soon it proves quite unrealistic to get a drawer job (the comic world in spain is very sparse, and most drawers are freelances that does their work in free time after their “real” jobs).  It were about this time, first grade high school, when i started to date my first girlfriend. A schoolmate. All ok at first, but as our relationship develops, i discovered she had a terrible relationship with her mother. She was dougther of divorced parents, and lived with her mother and her little sister.  One day i was involved in a terrible arguing between she and her mother, that soon became physical. i don’t remember why it started.  It ended with my girlfriend being slapped several times and leaved me with a overwhelming impotence feeling.  Short after, i started martial arts training.
When i was about 21, my mother had a heart failure, and it took her about a year of hospitalization and a triple bypass to recover.  I think this drove me to the medic interests.  Not to directly help my mother (who actually enjoys good health), but it discovered me a fascinating world.  I first join Red Cross volunteers, where i learn my first rescuing skills.  I assisted to as many courses i could, and taking any job i came across (i worked delivering pizzas, selling apartments, as receptionist, as construction worker...).  Also i started develop interest in esoteric ways, things like meditation, magick or tarot card reading (i even worked as tarotist for a while).
A couple of years after, i wanted to go one step further.  I considered coursing medicine (M.D.), but was extremely expensive and time consuming (i had to keep working to finance my career), and nursery seemed (at that time) too far from the emergency.  So i started Paramedic studies (here in Spain called Tecnico en Emergencias Sanitarias). I graduated in 1999 and immediately get a job in ambulance service in a city near mine. And there i am since then.
About three years ago, i met my actual girlfriend (Ana).  We started to date, and eventually she get pregnant.  So i moved to her apartment and we start to live together. And soon there were three of us.

Speak softly, but carry a big stick....



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Adi-wan replied the topic: Re: Adi-wan's training journal

Hello to all fellow teachers!!

As i posted in introduction forum, i've been away for along time, but now i have the time and the wish to restart my training, and take it to the end of the way.

I figure the best is i fully restart all lessons (not gone very far first time), but i would like to contact any instructor for some advice.  My e-mail and training blog are stilll the same.

Hope i read any of you soon.


Speak softly, but carry a big stick....



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Jax replied the topic: Re: Adi-wan's training journal

Welcome back! You don't need to redo anything unless you want to. I'm going to add you to the new student group where you can post your assignments in a nice organized manner to get feedback from the faculty. :-)
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