Journal of Kol Drake

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Kol Drake created the topic: Journal of Kol Drake

Sorry, fancy title eludes me for now...

Here's my 'this is me' from the old Jedi Realist site...


+++++++

Homework:

"... tell me a little about yourselves and what brought you here. Try to make this as detailed as possible, so long as you are comfortable with that. After all, we will all be working side by side for some time now so it’s best we learn who the people lurking about the site are, eh?"



Born August 1955 in Southern California.
Youngest of two children; one older sister.

Father was in construction so we moved (alot!)  First time (for me) when I was five... from southern CA to Rapid City, South Dakota. First time I saw snow!

More moves; approximately every six to nine months... back to California, around California, Michigan, Illinois, Connecticutt. This was a big jump as my father slide over to constructing nuclear power plants. We actually stayed in Connecticutt for 18 months. Then Massachusetts for a little over 2 years. Then Washington (state) for a full three years -- my final three years of high school.

(So, something like 9 schools during my 'formative years' of K-12 grades)

Had a number of experiences which started me researching & poking into 'powers of the mind' (esp, telekinetics, dream studies, etc.) An odd 'hobby' for one who was going to college in a 'hard science' -- engineering.  Ran out of cash after the first semester at the U of W in Seattle and traveled to where my folks were then -- Arkansas. 

Worked, restarted college... got bored and signed up for the Army. Language training in Monterey, California for a year (more school ?!?).

Was while in Monterey (1977) that I saw the first Star Wars movie.  Enjoyed the heck out of it... reminded me of the old B&W 'Flash Gordon' and 'Buck Rodgers' serials they showed at the crack of dawn on television when I was growing up.  Saw the movie many times.  Got me to thinking  "I'm in good shape; I grok the mental aspect of the Force; I could do as well as that Skywalker kid!"  (boy was I so not even close -- especially with what I've learned since...);

Military life continued and moved me from California to Texas and Massachusetts and finally stationed & worked just outside of Frankfurt, West Germany. Last few months of my four year tour were in a tiny place in northern Turkey. Continued watching each new Star Wars movie that came out... knowing I could *be* a Jedi if I worked at it.

First three movies 'over' -- I had left the military to go back to college in Arkansas. Got married; had kids.  Bought Star Wars toys and vamped them up with electronics to make them 'cooler' (more noise and flashy lights!).  Graduated with a general bachelor's in engineering.  Got work in West Texas with Texas Instruments -- making those neat little black chips with the magic smoke inside that runs all the electronics we enjoy today.  Got bored after three years.

New job in Pennsylvania in a totally different field (computers and ORACLE relational databases) -- a start up company which failed to start after nine months... so it was back to Texas.  Worked for the computer department at the local community college; then at the city's computer department; then no job.

Wife went from mom, to working mom, to student again as she shot for her master's degree as an ordained minister.  Went to Austin, Texas -- right across the street from the U of Texas campus. This is a double whammy... I was able to 'learn' much of what was taught in her courses while working and re-starting my own studies into the more 'powers of the mind and spirit' areas I had looked at before. She graduated; we moved to Arkansas... where she landed a position which she had for the next 10 years. Kids grew, more Star Wars movies came out.

(Hated the whole midichlorian idea.  Took away from the original 'feel' of the first three movies -- that any 'kid' could step up and *be* a Jedi if they were willing to take the plunge.)

In and out of a few jobs.  Writing scraps of paper trying to make a book to explain to myself (and my kids) what the Force is (should be) and what a Jedi Knight is in 'the real world'. Researched into all the George Lucas interviews, the Campbell 'Myth' series, ancient Asian cultures -- which then melded into mind studies, dream research, 'the power of positive thinking', meditation, magic (real, not sleight of hand) and more.  Never got past the 'very rough draft' phase but helped me to clarify what the Force meant to me... and though I was no longer as certain I was Jedi material... I wanted something 'like that' in my life.

Last eight years... got divorced.  Still researching; still poking at various jobs; still looking for that 'something' which is missing in myself.   Do not expect this course to 'fix' or 'fill' it all but hope the self-analysis and continued meditation (and other exercises in self discovery) will aimed me in the proper direction.

More than you probably ever wanted to know... but, once on a soapbox, it's hard to not lecture.  :P
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  • David (Phoenix)
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David (Phoenix) replied the topic: Re: Journal of Kol Drake

Thank you for posting.  Its interesting to meet the people who walk from all paths of life, yet how we come here seeking a goal of higher spiritual understanding.

Interesting post, I quite enjoyed it :)

:yoda
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Kol Drake replied the topic: Week 1 - Discussion: Way of the Peaceful Warrior

Week 1 Discussion

Have you ever gone on a spiritual journey?  Physical?  Emotional?  What were they like?  What were you expecting? What was your goal?  Did you take the journey to enjoy the journey itself, or to just reach your end goal?


I suppose, with the proper viewpoint, all Life is a journey.

That's a bit of a cop-out.

I left college (second time) due to boredom with classes and a desire 'not to work'... and went into the Army.  Dozed through basic;  was sent off to a school for a year!!!  [Another in a lifetime of cosmic jokes on me... leave school to get shoved back into school, etc.]

'Thought' maybe I would come out the other end of my four years as something... more focused?  More "...wanting to go get 'em"?  Something.   Instead, I did 'what was expected' -- got out, got married, went back to college, got the 'expected' degree (only after a few years did I realize I got what 'others' expected and not what I liked/enjoyed/wanted).

Problem is, I really have NO clue as to what I really want/like/should be doing.  Even after all these years.  This came painfully apparent in 1998.  Another job I was not happy in.  I had planned to walk out on a Friday... word must have slipped out... they 'released me' that same afternoon.   I had planned to take some time to think things through... go 'out west' to see about some new opportunities.  Wife said -- if you go; do not come back.   I went.

Looking back... it was probably my 'mid life crisis ' time.  I was angry at my non life.  At not having found my bliss.  My thoughts at the time were:  I was more a liability to my family -- and angry enough to potentially do more harm ... psychologically, not physically... so they would be better off if I left.  It was a semi-suicide decision.  I packed my clothes and drove off; leaving them with all my cash, savings, paychecks... except $200 for gas. (Gas was alot cheaper back then.   :P )

Drove and met some folks I had only 'known' by email/Internet.  Continued west looking for the best spot to become a blot on the freeway.  It had to be fast and solid enough so I didn't 'just' maim or injure myself... it had to be fatal -and- look accidental enough so the insurance would cover the kids time through college.  See, I had it all semi-worked out in my illusion of 'what was best'.

Kept driving and seeing 'spots' but always thought, "beautiful Nature... hate to spoil it with blood and twisted wreckage."  No head-ons with 18-wheelers; they might get hurt too.  Mind always was looking for 'excuses' but still looking for exits.   Ran out of money and gas in the far west.  Wandered into a local community college and checked my email and forum friends -- none of which had knowledge of this journey of mine.

Wife had medical news;  suspicions it might be cancer.  Said I should come back (not to live but to be in town in case it was life threatening condition).  Pled my case to a local church who granted me enough money to drive back.  Lived in car -- in parks and hospital parking lots while all the medical stuff happened.  Came by every day to get the kids off to school and to do all the chores wife was unable to do after the surgery. (Not cancer or life threatening after all)  Once she was 100%; I got aid and landed a small one room place and continued looking for work.  She got a lawyer and started divorce proceedings.

The rest, as they say, is history.  I did not go off and smear myself across the landscape (though I had time for a few years after in which it still came to mind).  I ran out of cash for the apartment and ended up living in my parents basement. (Yes, I am that deadbeat in the basement you see in commercials and as the running 'joke' in movies and tv.. the 'never leaving' child.)   Had a few jobs and paid off all I borrowed money from during this time but never found a career.

Still trying to find what it is I am 'good at'.

So, a journey of sorts.
Nothing spiritual or physical or whatever.

Pretty petty compared to those who have had to overcome physical challenges, drug issues, screwed up child-hoods, etc.  

Probably why I look to the Jedi teachings... in the hopes I can 'work it out' and finally feel like I have the 'tools' to start a real life.. even this late in the cycle of 'me'.

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Kol Drake replied the topic: Discussion 2

To continue on from what I posted to tai chi yoda...

Shock therapy seems to be 'the norm' for getting anyone to take the step outside their saftey zone of 'what is real' -- to actually see the greater potentials that are around us all.

How would this work with me?
After all these years, if I had someone doing that to ME.... I'm not so certain how well I'd handle it.  It would take some fancy stuff to kick me off the zombie track with all I've been/done after 5 decades!  I mean -- I'm a long term science fiction / fantasy / anime fan.  I have seen, read, researched some pretty wild stuff over the years... so would have to be something pretty 'out there' to get me to jump my existing 'reality' tracks.

As for a spiritual guide like Socrates?
Nope.  It's been me stumbling about in the dark... and what I get from those I interact with (Jax, here, other folks.)  So, no sensei or teacher as yet.

Wish I did have a guide or teacher I could work with; worry issues like a dog with a bone.   What would he or she be like?    Guess I wouldn't mind a 'Goddess' like teacher... sort of a cross between Yoda (but prettier), older Obi Won Kenobi (patience and wisdom), Qui-Gon Jinn (wisdom and willingness to look past the established boundaries).... with some Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein and a few others I've forgotten to mention in there too.

Hell, lately, I wouldn't mind a talking dragon or a sage Tinkerbell to come have some chats with.  (A dragon would be soooooo cool!........ and I'd probably have too many sagely yet pervy thoughts about poor Tink... so that's not so good.)  Ya, I'm sort of a pervy sage like Jiraiya from the manga/anime 'Naruto'. (or I'd like to think I'm the sage part... maybe I'm just working on the pervy part too much???)

Anyway, someone who can see past all my faults and foibles (and not want to tear their hair out!!!) and still be willing to take me on so I can see, heal, grow, learn.

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Kol Drake replied the topic: Discussion 2 - further musings

I thought about the -- "what sort of guide / teacher would you like..."

Though I mentioned a number of fictional and real people, I have wondered... is it so much who we would like -or- should it be what sort of teacher / guide do we need?

Most need a guide / teacher who knows what 'buttons to push' to get us out of our rut-like routines.  That sort of person is not necessarily going to show as a 'best buddy' or angelic Lady or Lord figure; rather they would probably have one foot bigger than the other... to wear the larger boot necessary to kick us firmly in the butt... to boost the brain back up into the skull.

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David (Phoenix) replied the topic: Re: Journal of Kol Drake

You are exactly right, and that was a bad choice of words on my part.  We would ALL like the perfect mentor who would hold our hand, etc, but we really need, as you have already said, the one who will "kick us in the butt"

In the book, Soc was more or less this to Dan.  In the movie, and this does contain a spoiler should you choose to watch it so STOP HERE!

...In the movie, Dan and Soc are talking at a bar, and Soc reveals to Dan that he is a mentor, but could also be that person who is just "a figmint of the imagination" who just happens to say the things that Dan needs to hear.

:yoda
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