John Symaro needs your help

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Johnny Andrade created the topic: John Symaro needs your help

This question is open to faculty and students, I would really appreciate your help and point of view on this matter. This has ALWAYS bothered me from a young age, and I'd really like to nip this in the butt, so I can finally move on and actually live my life enjoyably.

How does a Jedi deal with feeling lonely? How do I not let this feeling hurt me so much and stop focusing so much on wanting to fall in love? How do I let these feelings go and focus on the life I got to live and just let the universe do it's thing in its own time? How do I let go, what I feel is needless worrying and just live life and just wait for "her" to come when it's meant to be and not when I want it to be?... How do I just let go and live?

I feel like "wanting a relationship" as bad as I do and always have is something that has been my biggest roadblock and obstacle for me. I don't understand this and it's been tearing me up everyday of my life since it's been the only on my mind when I was just a kid at school. Then it was wanting a girlfriend, Now it's so much more. It's wanting this missing part of my life, its desperately seeking my life long best friend, my life partner, my lover, my soulmate. Finding that someone to spend my life with, that someone who's always there, that beautiful someone who's face is the first thing I see when I wake and the last when I sleep. I don't know why I feel so eager and anxious about wanting this so much for so so long, but I know something about it needs to change so I can live my life. I feel like it's the one thing that bugs me so so so much, and I'd really like it to end so I can focus on the things in my life that needs my full attention. It's like...say a house is burning down and the townspeople are begging me to go to the well in town to get water and put the fire out, but my dumbass says, "no, be patient, the rain will put it out" but there isn't a single cloud or sign of rain in the sky. How do I finally snap out of it, and just go to the damn well so to speak? Any advice will be much appreciated, anything to help me get some clarity would be great! Thanks, and to all, may the Force be with you!

PS, any single Jedi ladies around the age of 24 out there reading this looking for a Jedi boyfriend and lives in California, don't be afraid to let me know ;) lol I'm just kidding.......kind of.
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  • Kol Drake
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Kol Drake replied the topic: John Symaro needs your help

1 - You are lost because you care. You are lost because you are passionate. You are lost because you know that there is more inside of you than what you are currently offering the world and that is a brilliant thing to know.

Consider -- at 23, JK Rowling was broke. Tina Fey was working at the Y.M.C.A. Oprah had just gotten fired from her first job as a TV reporter and Walt Disney had declared bankruptcy. None of these wildly successful individuals could have predicted what was in store for them next but the one thing they all had in common was that they knew that there was more to them than what they were doing at the time. And that is what you have in common with them, too. You know that there is a bigger, better version of yourself to bring to life. You just have not gotten there yet.

2 - Going about in life mentally transmitting, "I am lonely; I am desperate," literally sends the wrong signal to potential mates / soulmates. Going about 'with a chunk missing' means all potential 'significant others' will be seeing you as 'some assembly required with a few missing bits not included in the box -- which is never a good 'selling point'. (Okay, there ARE some women who are looking for 'fixer-uppers' but... )

So let’s look at where to go from here. If your life is lying splintered on the floor, which pieces do you want to pick up and keep? Which do you leave? What do you choose not to re-create now that you are given the chance to start over? Because that is exactly the chance that you have at twenty-four. You get to strip your life down to its bare bones and build the whole thing back up from scratch. It is not the easiest thing to do. But it is the best thing. The bravest thing. The most rewarding thing and the kind of thing you only get the opportunity to do through being lost.

So right now, let yourself be a little bit lost. Because you do not get found by staying comfortable. You do not get found by running away. You do not get found by fighting your deepest impulses and you definitely do not get found by hiding out. You get found by doing exactly what it is that you are doing right now – which is delving right into the heart of your life and fighting like hell for what matters.

If you are never lost you never get found.
And you are the kind of person worth searching for.

* * * * *

3 - Make certain you are 'looking for love' for the right reasons! Not to hawk my own soapbox lectures but... I would suggest taking the time to read a good thread on 'Love' in it's many shapes and functions.

IJRS Forum Thread: Love and... well, ya... that stuff
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  • Memnoich
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Memnoich replied the topic: John Symaro needs your help

To expand on #2, The idea of What you put out to the universe, what you portray, is what people see. There are several ways that we communicate without speaking, and without knowing it you can convey desperation, the feeling of in complete, the idea of a gaping hole. It is said women like men with confidence, but where does that stem from. In most case's it stems for the realization that you are complete, you are whole, and you can receive the intimacy and relationship feelings, without having a significant other. Don't get me wrong I understand what you want, but to go with #1, you have time. Learn to be you, without someone else, learn what it is to be you, whole. It's corny, but it is true, "if you can't love yourself, than how can someone else", and what I mean by that is, if you can't be content alone, it'll be awkward with others. Take this time to build you, to become the best you that you can be. As you grow, others will notice, and things will fall into place, but with this comes the need to not ignore opportunity.

In the Ted talks forum, there is one I posted a while ago, Amy Cuddy: Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are . Basically this video talks about how to Fake it till you make it, but there are several others in there that talk about helping to reprogam your internal thinking to become the person you want to be.

I'm sure you've heard it alot, and you may be tire of hearing it, but you're young, don't be in a hurry to grow up, learn to be who you want to be, do things you want to do, Find out what you like. When you are with someone, things change, people change, and if you don't have a strong enough sense of self, you might find you don't recognize yourself in the mirror. I know now there are things I missed out on when I was younger, but at the same time, there were things I was able to do, because I was single. Being single is not as bad as you might think, it allows you to move quickly, and do things you would otherwise have to discuss. Be spontaneous, be crazy, enjoy the opportunity to do things at a moments notice, and to change your life on a dime. You have the chance to do so much, don't waste it on something that will happen when you are ready.

.oO Memnoich Oo.
"Do or do not, there is no try" ~Yoda
"Shared pain is lessened, shared joy increased." ~Spider Robinson


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Kol Drake replied the topic: John Symaro needs your help

Thanks, Memnoich. I totally agree.
And -- just to stir the pot...

Do you have a female person who is 'just a friend'?
Many times, a solo guy is seen as 'cruising' for a hook-up which is seen as a warning sign for females traveling in packs and especially solo females. If a guy comes into a room / party with a female on his arm, the pack female tends to go from 'danger mode' into evaluation mode -- here is someone with a female and to be weighed as a potential candidate, etc. etc. He's a 'good prospect' because a female has chosen to be with him, etc.

IF you have a good female friend, she can become your party 'wing person'. Helping to put forth the idea of 'here is a catch'. While she does not have to hang all over you, she can mingle as can you. If you find someone you like, know that your 'wing person' is due a good pizza & drinks meal afterward for helping to prime the pump.

* * * * *
And here is something I put together before my kids went to college. Not certain they ever read it but....

Eight ‘First Date’ Tips


You're finally going out with that guy (or gal) you've been admiring. To make the first date a success -- and guarantee a second date -- follow these eight basic rules.

1. Be positive, upbeat and enthusiastic. No woe-is-me or pity-pot whining. Make eye contact, smile, be friendly and be yourself.

2. Be a good listener. Ask questions about him (or her). Avoid talking too much, and don't talk about your ex (or ex-es). If they ask about them, be honest, but don't dwell on how good or bad they were. Answer briefly, then bounce a question back to him/her.

3. Show interest, but don't gush. Compliment him/her on something [assuming there IS something] -- like their shoes, shirt, haircut, clothes or smile. Don't paw all over them. Guys think women who touch too soon or too much are suggesting intimacy. Girls think guys who touch too soon or too much are just thinking of one thing!

4. Use proper etiquette. Dress appropriately for the occasion. Avoid eating spinach or anything that might stick in your teeth. No lipstick or mirror at the table; no gargling at the table; no toothpick going out the door. [ Though it might not be a bad idea to excuse yourself and trip off to the restroom to check on your appearance and clean up any smudges that might be smeared all over your cheeks or food on your teeth. ]

5. Don't order the most expensive item on the menu. A glass of house wine is fine (IF you are over 21) -- you don't need Sonoma County's finest cabernet. Under 21, stick to normal drinks rather than virgin strawberry daiquiri or similar sorts of drinks. It is also NOT a speed eating contest! Take the time to cut food into moderate proportions and chew; not gulp and go.

6. Don't be confrontational or argumentative. Don't proclaim, "All men are pigs" or "I hate sex" or "No sex for six months" or some other tasty bit of turnoff. [This all falls under TMI -- Too Much Information!] That is, unless you mean it. [And if you do, you probably won't be seeing him/her for a second date!!]

7. Don't name-drop or talk about your wealth (or lack thereof).

8. When the date is winding down, be assertive (not aggressive).Say something like, "I'm going to a picnic on Sunday, would you like to join me?" or "That movie (whatever might appeal to you both) will be on next Friday, want to get together and see it?". Don't leave it open-ended by saying, "Let's get together sometime." Look them in the eye and say, "I had a great time. We seemed to click. I want to see you again." [Of course, if it DID NOT click -- still be polite and thank them for a nice time. Try to make the best of a bad setup. ]


If you follow these tips and they still don't ask to see you again, forget them -- they probably weren't the right one for you. YOU put your best foot forward. Do your best to be polite; try your best to 'get along'. After all that, if it still doesn't work out -- you wouldn't want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you.


Pretty basic but good "rules of engagement" in any sitution.
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Jax replied the topic: John Symaro needs your help

I hope this is helpful John because I see a lot of great pointers in these replies. Thank you both.
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Streen replied the topic: John Symaro needs your help

I'm going to say something that you might not like to hear, John. Let me provide some context...

I'm in my 30's and have yet to find "the one". Some girls have come and gone, some of which I did fall in love with, but those feelings were not returned. I feel much as you do. I really want a special someone that I can spend my time with. For some reason it just never happened. Granted, I am a very shy person, and approaching a girl is somewhat terrifying for me.

A friend suggested that perhaps I'm not meant to find anyone, at least not right now. It is possible that my life is meant to be focused on spiritual matters. I am a Jedi, after all, and while I don't believe all Jedi are meant to stay single, I have recently accepted the reality that my purpose may not involve being in love.

So, does that mean you are destined to be alone? No. But be open to the possibility that, for now, you may need to accept your situation as it is.

"When you’re deluded, every statement is an ulcer; when you’re enlightened, every word is wisdom."
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  • Rebekah
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Rebekah replied the topic: John Symaro needs your help

I'm in my late 20's and have had the same feelings of wanting that perfect guy/soulmate. I've also watched most of my friends and sister move away, get married, have kids. NOT an easy thing to deal with when we have these feelings. However I agree with Streen. Sometimes we are supposed to be single to allow for personal growth. Have you considered that as Kol mentioned you might have areas in your life that need work? Maybe you aren't ready for the type of relationship you long for. Maybe the one you are meant to be with needs you to grow some more and the universe knows that. For example I'm not in a place spiritually or mentally that would be open to what that type of relationship requires. It would do more harm than good. So, in my opinion, it's why the universe hasn't seen fit to let either of us meet. It just means I have some growing to do.

~~Bekah~~
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  • Kol Drake
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Johnny Andrade replied the topic: John Symaro needs your help

Thank you everyone for your advice it's all something that I need to think about a lot again thank you for your help :/
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Johnny Andrade replied the topic: John Symaro needs your help

Also, if actually have to admit it, then I suppose I will, but I'm actually... afraid to fall in love. That's why I don't want to and shut these feelings off. I'm scared to fall in love. It's a horrible, terrifying feeling to me really. :(
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